Have you ever wondered why you sometimes take an almost immediate liking to a person you have just met? Or worried about why someone you were talking to suddenly became cool and distant? The chances are that it wasn't anything that was said but something that happened: a gesture, a movement, a smile. Social scientists are now devoting considerable attention to "non-verbal communication," what happens when people get together, apart from their actual conversation.

Professor Erving Goffman of the University of Pennsylvania is involved in a continuing study of the way people behave in social interaction. He feels that gestures, movements and physical closeness have meaning which the words that the people are using do not carry.

The closeness of two people when talking, movement towards and away from each other, and the amount of eye contract all reveal something about the nature of the relationship between the two individuals. We tend to be only subconsciously aware, if at all, of the various patterns and rituals of social behavior. We expect other people to act according to the same "rules" that we do, so much so that the manners and behavior of persons from another culture can be extremely confusing.

Fox example, North Americans tend to expect more physical distance between two speakers than do Latin Americans. Consequently, when the Latin American seems to be leaning too close, the North American complains of "invasion of his space." The Latin American, on the other hand, often considers the North American to be "cold" or "distant" because he keeps a greater distance between himself and the person he is speaking to.

Eye contact is one way of measuring the degree of closeness of relationship between two speakers, although there are cultural variations in the meaning of eye contact. In the Middle East, for example, it is considered extremely provocative for a woman to let a man catch her eye, let alone return his gaze. Social psychologist Michael Argyle observes that there is more eye contact between people who like each other than those who are indifferent or hostile towards each other. And the longer the length of the gaze, the more likely it is that the listener is more interested in the person who is speaking, than the actual topic of conversation. Frequently looking down can indicate submissiveness or embarrassment. Looking away repeatedly may express boredom or dislike. Women tend to engage in more eye contract than men, especially when talking to other women.

But too steady eye contact can make one feel uneasy at times. Most people become uncomfortable under the intense gaze of a stare. One scientist suggests that perhaps one reason that man becomes tense under the force of a stare is in his biological ancestors: in apes, a stare signifies aggressiveness and hostility. The person who insistently fixes his eyes on our face is often more successful in arousing our dislike than impressing us with his directness and sincerity.

Similarly, the smile cannot always be interpreted as a sign of friendliness. The person who smiles almost constantly and with little apparent reason makes us uneasy. Even though he may believe that he is expressing friendliness, he may really seem nervous and tense. In other animals, bared teeth are a warning gesture, a danger sign.

Genuine warmth or interest can be revealed in the eyes, suggests Dr. Eckhard Hess of the University of Chicago, who believes that the pupils of the eyes can indicate emotion or interest. The opened pupil tends to be associated with pleasant, satisfying experiences. That special sparkle in the lover's eyes need not be fantasy, for love may make the pupil grow larger. Sometimes when we feel that a person is "warm" or "friendly", it is possible we are reacting to a form of non-verbal communication - his opened pupils.

The next time you are at a party, take note of some of the silent messages being sent around you. Notice which persons seem to draw naturally together to speak, which others try to stay further apart or even avoid meeting each other's eyes. You may find that this silent language is much more fascinating than the actual conversation going on around you.

身体语言

你有没有想过为什么有时你刚刚见到了一个人，你就会立刻喜欢上这个人？或者你有没有因为一位正在跟你谈话的人突然态度变得很冷而又疏远，这使你心情感到焦虑不安？这很可能并不是因为你说错了什么话，而是因为你的一个手势、一个小动作、一个微笑引起的。社会科学家们现在特别注意"非语言文字的交际"，即当人们到一起时，除了人们实际上所谈的话而外所发生的事情。

宾夕法尼亚州立大学欧文o高夫曼教授一直不断地在研究社会效中人们行为的方式。他认为每做一个手势、每个动作和身体亲近的程度都有着人们的语言所表达不出来的意义。

交谈着的两个人的亲密程度，动作上的互相接近或疏远以及两个人目光接触的次数及接触时间的长短，所有这一切都能表明两人之间是哪一种关系。一般我们对社会行为的种种规范和礼仪，即使知道该怎么做，也常常是通过下意识才意识到的。我们期待着其他民族也按着我们做事的同样的"规矩"办事，以致于来自其他民族文化的人们的待人处事的态度和行为举止可能会令我们感到极端地困惑不理解。

例如，北美洲的人和拉丁美洲比较起来，北美洲的人希望两个谈话的人之间的距离稍大一点。因而，当拉丁美洲的人似乎把身子凑得离谈话对方很近的时候，北美洲的人就会抱怨说你"侵犯了他的私人窨"。相反，拉丁美洲的人经常认为北美洲的人待人都很"冷淡"或"疏远"，因为北美洲人自己总是跟谈话对方之间要保持较大的距离。

目光的接触是衡量两个谈话人之间关系亲密程度的一个标准，尽管在不同的民族文化中对目光接触的意义有所不同。例如，在中东，如果一位妇女惹得一个男子的注目，就被认为是带有极端的调逗调情的性质，更不用说回眸再去凝视那个男人了。社会心理学家迈克o阿吉尔觉察到对方的次数和时间，要比两个互相冷漠甚至敌视的人互相看对方的次数和时间要多。听讲话的人若是凝视讲话的人的时间越长，越有可能是，听讲话的人对讲话的人本人的举大过于对他所讲的真正的话题的兴趣。低头往下看通常都表示顺从或不好意思。反复地扭转头看别处可以表达厌烦或不喜欢。妇女比男人更喜欢用目光接触，特别是在和另外一些妇女谈话时更是这样。

但有时死死地盯着看人，会使人感到不安。被人家盯着看，这会使大多数人感到不舒服。某一位科学家说，人类受到使劲地盯视时会感到紧张，这其中的原因之一就在人类的生活学上的始祖身上：在类人猿中间，瞪着眼睛盯着看，就意味着要侵犯和要敌对。一个人若是用他的两只眼睛始终不停地直直地看着我们的脸，这样做不但不会给我们留下这个人很直率很真诚的印象，反而会引起我们的反感。

同样道理，微笑也并不能总是解释为友好的表示。如果一个

人老是朝着我们微笑，又没有明显的理由，就会使我们感到不安。即使这个人自己认为他是在向你表示友好，很可能让人觉得那人很紧张很不自然。在其他动物中间，呲牙是警告的姿势，是一种危险的信号。

真正的热情和兴趣可以从眼神当中表现出来，这是芝加哥埃克哈特. 赫斯博士提出来的。他认为眼睛的瞳孔可以表达感情和兴趣。瞳孔扩张一般总是与愉快的令人满意的经历有关。情人眼神中闪现出的神采不一定就是你的幻觉，因为爱情可以使瞳孔扩大。有时我们觉得某人"热情"、"友好"，这很可能是我们对他所用的非语言文字的交际形式作出了反应--他的瞳孔扩大了。

下次你参加社交聚会时，多留意一下你周围的人所传送的无声的语言信息。注意一下，哪些人很自然地就聚扰在一起谈话，注意一下还有哪些人互相间尽量离得远些，甚至尽量避免接触对方的目光。你会发现这些无声的语言远远比你周围的人所实际进行的有声的交谈更能触动人们的心灵。