采用了恰当的衔接手法，层次清晰；作者词汇基础扎实，拼写也很棒；作者句法知识掌握的不够好，可适当增加从句的使用。
Of all the phenomenon that has existed recently, perhaps the most thought-provoking is that Internet has gradually become new space for human where they are more likely to live. According to a recent survey, the number of netizen in China is 731 million ，among which mobile users account for 95%. Admittedly, the expansion of Internet, especially in network communication, has made earthshaking changes in the contemporary world. Internet seems to be an irreplaceable platform served people, which enhance efficiency in many fields. CNNIC has announced the 39th National Internet statistics, there are more than 90% of netizen using instant messaging services, over 60% doing online payment and 138 million people having online courses. By this token，Internet brings about various advantages, the first and foremost of which is to give born to new perceptions of modern life. Additionally, it is Chinese Government that vigorously promotes e-government. Nevertheless, being connected online unconditionally presents an increasingly serious challenge to youngsters’ growths. According to investigation and statistics, the number of monthly active WeChat users has risen as marvelous as 877 million, with 417 million playing network game. What has been mirrored from the data is a not uncommon phenomenon that young adults tend to rely on social network in an irrational way. To begin with, it will exert detrimental impacts on critical thinking because students will gradually lose the interest of thinking independently. Then, buried in it, convenience is gaining at the cost of real life, which will cause many undesirable results in bodies and minds. To conclude, we should master social network rather than indulging in computer. Therefore, the effective countermeasures to this thorny dilemma should be taken promptly. Firstly, the related departments are supposed to set aside sufficient annual budget to the Internet construction, preventing from inadequate pervasion of information. Secondly, it is the fact that people’s awareness is not that strong in such a colorful virtual world. The media should step up efforts to publicize the true value of social networking, creating a safe and healthy environment. Finally, our individual should attach great importance to the real life rather than Internet, we should enrich sparetime interests such as reading and travelling.
