作者句法知识很棒,适当增加从句的使用,会取得更不错的成绩;作者能较熟练、灵活地使用词汇,建议要多使用学术词汇;语言不流畅;请注意分段。
As far as i'm concerned,i think that travel can broaden the mind and the horizen.Besides,it helps us improve health. Why do i think so?When we go out for traveling,we can meet different people,and i can make friends with them.In addition,when we go to a strange place,we can learn more about some local customs.We can put our jobs aside when we take a trip,so we will feel relaxed and be healthier.