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I love my new phone! It's so cool and red.
我爱死新手机了！又酷又红。
It feels like anything could happen! But it probably won't.
感觉充满了无限可能呢！但应该是不会啦。
My first call. What do I do? What do I do?
我的第一个电话。我该怎么做？该怎么接电话？
Oh. Hello? Oh, hey, girl, good for you. Bye. Chiandra's not pregnant.
你好？小妞，恭喜你啊。再见。西安卓没怀孕。
Max, why are you taking calls from Chiandra? We have to do my video.
麦克斯，你为什么在接西安卓的电话？你应该来拍我的视频啊。
I had to take her call. She gave me a bunch of free apps. Angry birds, Doodle Jump.
我必须得接她电话。她送了我好多免费软件。"愤怒小鸟"，"涂鸦跳跃"。
If you want to look like a dog, I could do that.
如果你想看起来像只狗，也能弄哦。
Look, here's me as a St. Bernard. See my neck keg?
你看，这是圣伯纳犬版的我。看到我脖子上的酒桶了吗？
Okay, I've done some research, and here's some things other people want money for.
我研究了下，这些是别人想网上募款弄的东西。
One woman wants money for a new leg. Scrolling.
一个女人想募款弄一条新假腿。页面往下。
Wait. If she only has one leg, shouldn't she be on can't-Kickstarter?
等等。如果她只有一条腿，她应该上"不能开踢网"吧？
Oh, I'm no longer working with them. They denied my project.
它们跟我中止合作了。它们拒绝了我的计划。
Apparently, I'm not artsy enough and have too many legs. So now I'm on Go Fund Yourself.
它们说我不够有艺术感，而且还有太多条腿。所以我上了"为己投资网"。
Oh, perfect. I've been telling you to go fund yourself for years.
正好。我也叫你去死好久了。
The future of my pants hinges on the video pitch. The tone needs to be sad and pathetic.
我新裤子的未来就靠这个视频了。气氛语气一定要又可怜又凄惨。
Uh, preparation done. What's sadder than former billionaire Caroline Channing asking for money for pants?
那你已经不用练习了。还有什么比前亿万富翁卡洛琳·钱宁上网求人给钱买裤子还惨？
