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I question your premise. How is a new suit going to prevent me from passing out in front of a ballroom full of people?
我相当质疑你的说法 要防止我在满屋子人面前晕倒 买套新西装有个毛用了
It'll give you confidence.
那会让你充满自信
You know, sometimes when I'm feeling all stressed out about something, I go out and buy a cute top or a fun skirt and I have a whole new outlook on life.
只要我倍感压力时 我就会去买件可爱上衣或漂漂裙裙 如此一来就会容光焕发
Don't you eventually realize you're just the same stressed out person in a cute top or a fun skirt?
你傻的啊 难道你没意识到你只是换了皮囊 内压犹在啊 穿可爱上装和漂漂裙裙有啥用
Yeah, that's when I buy shoes. Now, let's see what we've got.
是的 所以还要买鞋子 我们来选选
This is nice. It's only one color.
这件帅气 这件就一个颜色
Yeah, so? That's a lot of money for only one color.
是啊 咋了 就一个颜色还这么贵 岂不是亏了
Fine. Why don't you pick out what you like.
好吧 你自己选自己喜欢的
This is pretty sharp. No. You're wrong.
这件很犀利 不 没门儿
This is great. I had a suit like this when I was six.
这件够劲 我六岁时也有件差不多样式的
Okay, I think we have a winner.
好吧 这件绝对无可挑剔
Where the hell'd you find that?
靠 你哪儿弄来的这件
In the prom department. It's ridiculous.
舞会礼服柜台 这也太傻比了
Says the former member of the Corn Queen's Court.
玉米皇后团前团员没资格说这话吧
Please just try this one on.
去试试这件再说
Okay. But anything I put on now is only going to suffer in comparison.
好吧 现在不管我穿啥 和之前的相比都只能相形见拙了
This is absurd. I look like a clown.
这太荒唐了 简直像个小丑
So, Sheldon...how you doing?
谢尔顿 你最近如何
That's how you start a psychotherapy session? "How am I doing?"
你就这样开始心理治疗吗 居然问这种蠢问题
I was promised a riverboat journey into the jungles of my subconscious.
我本来满心期待进行一场对自我潜意识的探寻之旅
Instead, I get the same question I hear from the lady who slices my bologna at Ralph's.
结果呢 我都听到什么鬼问题啊 拉尔夫餐厅切香肠的女招待都问得出来
I'm sorry, I'll start again.
抱歉 我重来
Would it be helpful to you if I told you about my dreams?
我还是说说我的梦境吧 对你有帮助吗
Um, I don't know, maybe.
我也不知道 也许吧
I recently had a dream that I was a giant.
我最近做了个梦 梦到我变成了巨人
But everything around me was to scale, so it all looked normal.
但周围的东西也是同样大小 所以相比之下没什么差别
How did you know you were a giant if everything was to scale?
既然周围东西都一样大小 你怎么知道自己变成了巨人
I was wearing size a million pants.
我穿着条型号为一百万的裤子
Why don't we just talk? The talking cure.
我们还是来自由谈话吧 自由谈话疗法
Classical Freudian. Good choice.
经典精神分析疗法 不错
If it will help speed things along, uh, my answers to the standard Rorschach ink blot test are:
我补充一点可能会有所帮助 我做标准罗夏墨迹测验的结果是（投射测验: 猜测模糊图形以投射潜意识和内心想法）
A) a bat, B) a bat, C) a bat, and D) my father killing my mother with a hypodermic needle.
图A 蝙蝠 图B 蝙蝠 图C 蝙蝠 图D 我爸想用皮下注射器杀死我妈
Why don't I just start?
还是我来说吧
Sometimes people have trouble accepting accolades if, on a subconscious level, they don't feel they deserve them.
这种事时有发生 人们难以接受一项荣誉 那是因为在潜意识中他们自觉不配拥有
Do you think maybe that's what's happening here?
会不会你的原因也是如此呢
Really, Leonard? You're just going to try to recycle Adler's doctrine of the inferiority complex?
真的假的 莱纳德 你是想把阿德勒学说中的自卑情结套用在我身上吗
I could probably get that from the woman at Ralph's. And she'd let me taste some pieces of cheese for free.
这连拉尔夫餐厅的女招待都知道 说不定她还会白送我芝士呢
But it could be part of your problem. Let me give you an example.
但这可能是问题所在 我举个例子吧
When I was eight, I won a ribbon at the science fair for my project, "Do Lima Beans Grow Better to Classical Music."
我8岁时 我的一个项目 "古典音乐有助青豆生长"在科技展上得了奖 授予了我一条勋带
But my mother pointed out that it was just a rehash of my brother's earlier "Do Lima Beans Grow Worse to Rock 'n' Roll."
但我妈妈却说 这和我哥哥以前的研究 "摇滚乐有害于青豆生长"根本没差 只不过换汤不换药
I felt so guilty, I gave the ribbon back.
我倍受打击 于是把勋带退了回去
And how did that make you feel?
你感觉如何
Terrible. I worked really hard on that project.
糟透了 对那个研究我付出了很多心血
I stayed up all night singing the clown's aria from Pagliacci to a lima bean sprout.
我整晚都不睡 就对着青豆芽唱《丑角》里的咏叹调（莱昂卡瓦洛作曲）
Go on. It wasn't my fault. I had never seen my brother's project.
继续说 这又不是我的错 我不知道我哥的研究
And my mother could've told me before instead of at the ceremony in front of everyone.
我妈之前本可以告诉我 她却在颁奖典礼上当着众人面说出来
So, I hear you saying you're angry with your mother.
这么说 你很生你母亲的气咯
Damn right, I'm angry with my mother. For God's sake, I was eight years old. She humiliated me.
当然气 我恨死她了 行行好嘛 我那会儿才8岁 她却这么当众羞辱我
That's when the bedwetting started again.
就是在那之后 我又开始尿床
Thank you, Leonard. For what?
多谢了 莱纳德 谢什么啊
If someone as damaged as you can find his way to crawl out of bed each morning, I think I can face a simple award ceremony.
像你这样受了如此打击还能每天早上从床上爬起来 我想小小一个颁奖典礼 应该不成问题
Wait, that's it? I thought we had a whole hour!
等等 就酱吗 不是该有一整个小时的吗
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
女士们先生们 晚上好
My name is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, and it is my very great honor to introduce the winner of this year's Chancellor's award for Science
我是莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德博士 很荣幸向各位隆重介绍本年度大学科学奖得主
and my good friend, Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
我的好友谢尔顿·库珀博士
But before I do, I'd like to share with you a letter from Sheldon's mother, who couldn't be here tonight.
但在此之前 请允许我先宣读下谢尔顿母亲的来信 很遗憾她今晚未能亲临
Isn't that nice? His mother sent him a letter.
很温馨了 是吧 他妈妈给他写了封信
She's proud of him. I wonder what that feels like...
他为自己儿子感到自豪 真想知道那会是什么感觉...
"Dear Shelly." That's what she calls him. Shelly it's a pet name.
亲爱的谢利 她都是这么叫他的 谢利 这是个昵称
You know what my mother's pet name for me is?
知道我妈给我取的什么昵称吗
Leonard. But I digress.
莱纳德 我又离题了
"Dear Shelly..." Oh, dear.
亲爱的谢利...天哪
What's the matter? I'm getting dizzy.
你怎么了 我有点晕
Don't worry. You're surrounded by your CMen.
别担心 你的C战警们都守护着你
I can't do this. I'm going to faint.
我做不到 我要晕倒了
Here, drink this.It'll relax you.
给 喝点这个 能让你放松
Alcohol? I don't drink alcohol. Fine, faint.
酒吗 我不喝酒的 好吧 那你晕吧
I don't feel different.This alcohol is defective.
没觉得有何不同 这酒根本没用
Here, see if this one works.
给 看这个有没有用
First of all, the projects were totally different.
首先 那是完全不同的实验主题
I was showing that classical music nurtures lima beans and makes them grow, but my mother didn't hear me.
我的实验证明 培植青豆时给它们放古典乐能促进它们生长 但我妈根本不听我的
If you'd like to look at the relationship between nurturing and growth,
想知道精心培育能不能促进成长吗
I'd like to point out that my brother is eight inches taller than me.
我想郑重指出 我哥哥比我高了整整八英寸（20cm）
I'm ready. right. Ladies and gentlemen, our guest of honor Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
我准备好了 对了 女士们先生们 欢迎我们的贵宾 谢尔顿·库珀博士
Thanks, shorty, I'll take it from here.
谢了小矮人 下面我接手就行了
All right, you people ready to have some fun?
好了 大家准备好来点乐子了吗
You have a basic understanding of differential calculus and at least one year of algebraic topology?
你们都对微积分有基本认识并至少学过一年代数拓扑吧
Well, then here come the jokes.
好吧 下面是笑话时间
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side bazinga!
鸡为什么要穿过默比乌斯带 为了回到同一侧 逗你玩呢
All right, a neutron walks into a bar and asks,
还有 一个中子走进家酒吧问道
"How much for a drink?"
酒多少钱一杯
The bartender says, "For you, no charge."
酒保回答 你买吗 免费（英文音近"电子")
Hello? I know you're out there. I can hear you metabolizing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide.
有人在吗 我知道你们在的 能听到你们代谢氧气排出二氧化碳的声音
Looks like we have some academic dignitaries in the audience.
观众中好像不乏学术权威啊
Dr. Randall from the geology department only man who's happy when they take his work for granite.
地质学系的兰德尔教授 唯一一位别人说他"花岗岩脑袋" 他还得笑纳的人
Bada cha! I kid the geologists, of course,but it's only 'cause I have no respect for the field.
巴扎嘿 当然 我是在拿地质学家开涮 那只是因为我压根就没把那当回事儿
Let's get serious for a moment. Why are we all here?
下面我们来谈点严肃话题 我们今天为何齐聚于此
'Cause we're scientists. And what do scientists study?
因为我们是科学家 科学家是研究什么的
The universe. And what's the universe made of? I am so glad you asked.
宇宙 宇宙由何构成 很高兴你提这问题
There's antimony，arsenic, aluminum, selenium and hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium
有锑 砷 铝 硒 有氢 氧 氮 铼
And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium. Everybody!
还有镍 钕 镎 锗 一起唱
And iron, americium. Ruthenium, uranium, europium, zirconium, Lutetium, vanadium
还有铁 镅 钌 铀 铕 锆 镥 钒
Just the Asians! And lanthanum and osmium. And astatine and radium...
亚洲人唱 还有镧和锇 砹和镭
Penny, Leonard. Would you be able to answer some questions I'm having about the events of last night?
佩妮 莱纳德 你们能不能帮我答疑解惑昨天晚上我到底怎么回事
Sure. Question one...where are my pants?
当然 问题一 我的裤子上哪去了
You might want to check YouTube.
你可以上YouTube看一下
What do I search? It's already loaded. Just hit play.
怎么找 已经缓冲好了 直接点开看吧
All right, people, let's get down to the math.
好了各位 让我们来聊聊数学吧
It is only three dimensional thinking that limits our imagination.
仅仅用三维的思考方式 会限制我们的想象力
Can I take my pants off over my head?
我能从头上脱了裤子吗
Of course not. My body's in the way.
当然不行 还有我身体挡着的(视频名：物理学家斯文扫地)
But if we had access to higher dimensions,
但只要能进入更高维度
we could move our pants around our bodies through the fourth dimension and our days of dropping trousers would be over.
就能通过第四维度 让裤子绕着身体转圈 以后就再没脱裤子这么一说了
Oh, Lord... This couldn't be any more humiliating.
天哪 真是丢人丢到家了
Give it a minute.
还没完呢
Now, for the astronomers in the audience, get ready to see the dark side of the moon. And here's Uranus.
现在 在座的各位天文学家们准备好看看月亮背面吧 还有天王星在此
