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He was so happy after he passed it, he gave me a Terminator.
他把石头排出之后超开心，还送了我一个终结者模型。
That is amazing. How long have you been collecting?
真是太不可思议了。你从什么时候开始收藏的？
Ever since I was a kid, but, uh, I didn't really get serious until William Shatner's bladder infection.
从我小时候就开始了。但之前都是玩票性质的，直到威廉?夏特纳膀胱感染，我才开始认真收藏。
What'd you get? What'd you get?
你又得到什么好处？快说说。
Well, he said it was a tribble. It could be a toupee, but either way, it's pretty cool.
他说那是《星际迷航》里的毛毛球。但其实也可能只是假发，反正不管是哪样，都蛮酷的。
I I would love to see your collection.
我超想去看你的藏品。
Anytime. Uh, I've got some cool stuff. When I first started, I thought it would be a good way to meet women, but, well, you know...
随时欢迎。我有一些很酷的收藏。我最初开始收藏时，我以为这会是结识女性的好方法。但结果...你们懂的。
Oh, yeah. Sure. Preach. Can I ask you a personal question? Sure.
我懂。当然懂。太懂了。我能问你一个私人问题吗？问吧。
Um, I mean, you're a guy like me, so how'd you get a girl like Penny?
你和我基本上是一类人，你是怎么追到佩妮这样的漂亮妞的？
Oh, Well, you know, just...being myself, really.
这个嘛，就是...做自己，真的。
Oh, please! You know, I'll tell you how he did it. Implacable, relentless badgering.
少来！我来告诉他是怎么做到的。绵延不绝、 永无休止地纠缠。
In urology terms, he was a drug-resistant staph infection. And she was a urethra that could not shake him.
用泌尿学术语来说，他就像是耐药性葡萄球菌，而她是摆脱不了葡萄球菌感染的尿道。
I don't know that I'd call myself an infection.
我可不会称自己是一种感染。
A gallant man would defend his fiancee for being called a urethra.
英勇的男人会先为被称为"尿道"的未婚妻辩护。
Can we please change the subject?
我们能换个话题吗？
Hi! Well, that didn't go your way.
嗨！貌似天不遂人愿啊。
Dr. Lorvis, what are you doing here?
乐维斯医生，你在这里做什么？
Uh, well, actually I came to see you. Really? Why?
其实我是来找你的。是吗？为什么？
Ah, that's a good question. Apparently someone was being awfully flirty while not wearing their engagement ring, causing another someone to show up here thinking the first someone might be available.
这问题问在点子上了。貌似“某人”没有戴订婚戒而且整天跟人眉来眼去，所以招惹了“那人”来到这里。因为他以为某人还单身。
Oh, God. Don't make it so hard on her. Look, the first someone is the deceitful you. The second someone is the delightful Dr. Lorvis.
别说得这么复杂。“某人”指的是不忠的你。“那人”指的是可爱的乐维斯医生。
Oh, this is very embarrassing. Dr. Lorvis, I am so sorry. I did not mean to lead you on.
这太尴尬了。乐维斯医生，真的很抱歉。我不是故意让你误会的。
You touched my arm for two Mississippis.
你把手放在我的胳膊上有两大秒呢。
That's why you were mumbling "Mississippi."
怪不得你嘴里叨念着几大秒呢。
Can we talk in private? Please, yes. I'll be right back.
我们能借一步说话吗？好的，走吧。我马上就回来。
So what other celebrity genitalia have you handled?
你还经手过哪些名人的生殖器？
So, uh, what's the deal? You take off your ring when you go to work?
怎么回事？你上班就不戴订婚戒吗？
What? No! No! I just put it on the other hand and...turn it around. Keep that hand in my pocket. Why?
什么？没有这回事！我就是戴在另外一只手上...再把戒指转个圈。然后把手放在口袋里。为什么？
Well, what do you mean why? Look, I make more sales if these doctors think I'm single. I did the same kind of thing as a waitress. The real question is, what is he doing in your apartment?
这有什么好奇怪的？如果医生认为我是单身，我就能卖得更多。我做服务员的时候也做过同样的事。我想问的是，他在你的公寓里做什么？
Oh, he was upset. So Sheldon invited him in for a hot beverage.
他不高兴，谢尔顿就请他进屋喝热饮。
You were okay with that? No. I got upset! And Sheldon made me a beverage, too.
你没意见吗？有，我也很不高兴！然后谢尔顿也给了我一杯热饮。
Okay, he just showed up at my door. Don't you think that's a little weird?
他突然出现在我门前，你不觉得有点奇怪吗？
A little, but...he's basically harmless. He's actually kind of a nice guy.
是有点，不过他没有恶意。他其实人挺好的。
Okay. Whatever, look, my company does not allow me to socialize with doctors outside of work. You got to get rid of him.
好吧。总之，我的公司不允许我私下和医生有接触。你得赶走他。
Why am I the one that has to get rid of him? I can't do it! He's my best client!
为什么要我去赶走他？我不能去！他是我最好的客户！
All right, I'll get rid of him. But you owe me one.
好吧，我来赶走他。不过这次算你欠我的。
Hey, we're going to Oliver's house to see his collection. You want to go with us? Yeah, sure. You owe me.
我们要去奥利佛家欣赏他的收集品。你要和我们一起去吗？好的。你欠我的。
Oh, my God! Leonard, I was wrong. Heaven does exist. And it's in the basement of a urologist's house in Sherman Oaks.
我的上帝啊！莱纳德，我错了。天堂真的存在，就在谢奥区一个泌尿科医生的地下室里。
Welcome to my Fortress of Solitude. This is where I go to get away from...all my other solitude.
欢迎来到我的"孤独堡垒"。这是我摆脱我其他孤独的地方。
Oh, come on. It's a replica. Original.
这是复制品吧。原版。
Oh, I think I just cheated on my wife.
我想我刚背叛了我的妻（高潮了）。
The gun from Hellboy? Yup. How did you get it? Bought it at auction.
这是电影《地狱男爵》里的那把枪吗？对。你怎么得到的？在一个拍卖上买回来的。
Oh, I was hoping for a juicy tidbit about Ron Perlman's testicles.
我还期望听到男主角朗?普尔曼的蛋蛋奇闻呢。
Oliver! I'm going to play bingo! Okay, Mother. Have fun.
奥利佛！我要去玩宾果了！好的妈妈。玩得开心。
Still lives with his mom. Yikes, right?
还和他妈妈住在一起。真可怜，对吧？
Yeah, I'm not quite sure how to respond.
我不知道该如何回答。
Wow, Donkey Kong! This-this was my game when I was a kid!
大金刚！这是我小时候最爱的游戏！
Because it's a story of a pretty blonde girl tirelessly pursued by a small, oddly-shaped man?
因为这是一个美丽的金发女孩被一个畸形的矮小男人不停追逐的故事吗？
No, because I liked it.
不是，因为我喜欢。
Well, now, don't get defensive. You're oddly-shaped, but you got the girl.
干嘛一说就炸毛。你是有点畸形，不过你追到女孩了啊。
So, I've noticed Leonard gets teased a lot about his relationship with Penny.
我注意到莱纳德经常因为和佩妮的感情被取笑。
Yes. If you'd like to join in, the premise is their love seems unlikely and doomed to failure.
是的。如果你也想加入我们笑他，我们一般以“爱得好蠢注定失败”为开头。
So, you think she'll be single soon?
所以你觉得她很快会单身吗？
Oh, if you want to get in on the pool, you're too late...All the squares have been purchased.
如果你想加入那个阵营，一切都太晚了。那里已经人满为患。
Interesting. Excuse me, I have to take care of something.
有意思。抱歉，我还有点事要办。
Leonard, as your friend I feel I should tell you something.
莱纳德，身为你的朋友，有件事我必须要告诉你。
What? I'm still upset about that peanut sauce.
什么事？我还在气那个花生酱的事。
Oh, could you hold the door? Nice flowers. Thank you.
请不要关门好吗？好美的花。谢谢。
They're for a girl. Uh, I'm being implacable and relentless.
是送给一个姑娘的。我要绵延不绝永、无休止地纠缠她。
Isn't she lucky? She keeps sending me mixed signals. But I I think we both want the same thing.
那姑娘得多幸运啊？她给我的信号暧昧不明。但我...我想我俩追求的东西是一样的。
What's that? Unconditional love.
追求什么？无条件的爱。
I guess that's all anybody wants. I guess so.
谁不想要这个呢。没错。
Well, I hope you get it. One Mississippi, two Mississippi.
祝你成功。一大秒 、两大秒。
Next game, let's switch helmets. No, I'd look silly in that helmet.
下一局，我们换着头盔玩吧。不要，我戴你那个头盔好蠢。
I I can't take these.
我不能收你的花。
Well, why not? I mean, you want what I want. And we had two wonderful Mississippis.
为什么啊？你我追求的目标一致。我俩一起拥有过美好的两大秒时间。
But what about the other girl?
那另一个姑娘怎么办？
Oh, right. I'll tell her we should just be friends.
好吧。我会告诉她只做朋友。
Dr. Lorvis? Penny, we should just be friends. Happy?
乐维斯医生？佩妮，我们还是当朋友吧。你高兴了吧？
You think he bites? Stick your hand in there and find out.
你觉得这玩意会咬人吗？把你的头伸进去试试看吧。
You fooled me with that goat at the petting zoo. You will not fool me again.
上次在动物乐园看山羊时你就骗过我。这次休想再骗到我。
I wonder where Dr. Lorvis is. He's been gone a while.
乐维斯医生去哪儿了。他离开好一会儿了。
Maybe he's playing bingo with his mommy.
也许是在陪他妈咪玩宾果游戏吧。
It's sad how some guys can't cut the apron strings.
都成年了还这么粘父母，真可悲。
Okay, now you're messing with me. Uh, guys, we're locked in here.
你说这话在逗我吧。各位，我们被锁这里了。
Oh, this day just keeps getting better!
今天的好事真是一件接一件啊！
So, you just left them alone playing games in your house?
所以你就把他们留在家里玩游戏吗？
Well, they seemed happy and...I thought that would give me time for you and I to get to know each other better. That was before we met.
他们玩得挺开心的...这样我们也有更多时间，能更深入了解彼此。这都是遇见你之前的事了。
We all have a past. Doc, you've got to see what you're doing is-is a little creepy.
谁人没有过去呢。医生，你要知道你的所作所为实在有点小吓人。
You sound just like Sigourney Weaver when I followed her into a restroom.
我跟踪西格妮?韦弗进厕所时，她也说了同样的话。
Okay, you can't just go chasing after every girl who's nice to you.
你不能一遇到对你好的姑娘就追着人家走。
Well, that's not what Sheldon says. And he seems to know his way around the ladies.
谢尔顿可不是这么说的，他这人看着挺会泡妞的啊。
Hey, Leonard. Guess who's back! Dr. Lorvis! Yeah. You care to join us? What? ! You locked them in your basement? !
莱纳德，猜猜谁回来了？乐维斯医生哦！你想和我们一起玩吗？什么？！你把他们锁在你的地下室里了？！
Well, they're, they're not locked in. The door just sticks.
他们没有被锁啊。门只是卡住了而已。
Okay, so how do they unstick it? They'd need the key.
好吧，那要怎么才能把门打开？必须用钥匙。
Okay. Nope. That's it. We are gonna go over there right now. And you are going to let them out.
好吧。不对，够了。我们马上去你家。把他们放出来。
Three Mississippi, four Mississippi...Move it!
三大秒、 四大秒... 快走！
Oh, good, you're here. Amy, I am so sorry. That has to wait. This weirdo locked the guys up in his basement. What? !
太好了，你在这里。艾米，我真的很抱歉。那个等等再说，这疯子把那几个男生都锁在他家地下室了。什么？！
She seems nice. Who's she? Just walk.
她人看着不错，叫啥名啊？赶紧走。
You can do this. One ladder left! Oh-ho! Yeah! Yes! Next level!
你一定可以的。还剩一个梯子了！太好了！好耶！太棒了！下一关！
Leonard, are you okay? Better than okay. I am having the game of my life!
莱纳德，你还好吗？超级棒。我正处于游戏人生的最巅峰！
Dr. Lorvis, isn't there something you want to say?
乐维斯医生，你不是有话要说吗？
Yes. I'm very sorry for locking you in my home.
对哦。我很抱歉把你们锁在我家里。
Yeah, that was very uncool. Get the hammer! Get the hammer! Got it.
没错，这也太不够意思了。抓那个锤子！抓那个锤子！成了。
Okay, Leonard, let's go! J Just hang on!
好了，莱纳德，我们回家吧！再等一下下！
Well, while we wait, would you like to see Tobey Maguire's prostate sonogram?
那个，你们等待的时候，想不想看看托比?马奎尔的前列腺超声波扫描？
Sure. Yeah. Oh, spoiler alert. Uh, he was worried about nothing. Yeah!
好吧。剧透一下。他完全是想太多。太棒啦！
