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Gentlemen, I put it to you, the worst tapioca pudding is better than the best pudding of any other flavor.
先生们我告诉你们，最难吃的西米布丁也好过其他口味优质布丁。
First off, that is axiomatically wrong because the best pudding is chocolate.
首先，明眼人都知道这话是错的，因为最好的布丁是巧克力口味。
Secondly, the organic structure of tapioca makes it a jiggling bowl of potential death.
其次，西米的有机结构使布丁黏糊糊摇晃晃，有潜在的致命危险。
It is extracted from the plant...Hey, I'm thinking of growing a mustache.
是从植物里提取...嘿，我在考虑留点胡子。
No kidding? Fu Manchu, a handlebar, pencil? It's extracted from the plant. I'm not sure yet. You know, George Clooney has one now.
不是吧？像傅满洲那样的？又尖又长的八字胡？是从植物中提取。还没想好呢。乔治?克鲁尼现在也留胡子呢。
Really? I once saw him shopping at Ralph's. He was buying tequila.
真的？我看到过他在拉弗斯超市买龙舌兰酒。
You'd think a guy like that would have some kind of booze lackey.
你以为他们会有仆人跑腿买酒吗？
All right, this is cruel. We'd better let him finish before his head explodes.
好啦，太残忍了。我们还是让他说完，不然人家要爆头了。
All right, Sheldon, why is tap...Tapioca is extracted from the root of the plant manihot esculenta!
好吧谢尔顿，为啥西...西米由食用木薯根茎提取而成!
Due to a high concentration of cyanide, it is poisonous in its raw form and lethal if prepared improperly! Feel better now?
由于富含高浓度的氰化物，其本身有毒性，如加工不当即食用会致命。现在爽了吧？
It is also indigenous to Brazil as is the coa bean, from which we get chocolate, the best pudding.
同时可可豆也是巴西的，从中能提取巧克力做最好的布丁。
And you promised you wouldn't do that anymore! Hey, Hofstadter. Hey, Kripke.
求你们别再耍我了！嘿霍夫斯塔特。嘿克里普柯。
Heard about your latest antiproton decay experiment. 20, 000 data runs and no statistically significant results. Very impressive.
听说你最新的反质子衰变实验收集两万数据，却没啥有用的结果？灰常了得。
What a jerk. Don't feel bad, Leonard. Negative results are still results.
蠢货一个。别气馁，兰纳德，负面的结果也是结果。
Even 20, 000 of them. All right! Please don't cheer me up anymore.
就算两万又算啥。行啦！求你们别在给我打气了。
Come on. Don't let him get to you. It's Kripke.
别呀，不要让他打击到你，克里普柯算哪根葱。
Yeah, he's a ginormous knob. That's why he eats by himself instead of sitting here at the cool table. Fo'shizzle.
对呀，他是个大蠢蛋。所以他孤单用餐而不能坐到这酷酷的桌子来。说得对。
It's true Kripke lacks the basic social skills that we take for granted.
确实啊，克里普柯确实缺乏咱固有的那种基本社交技巧。
But he also controls the new open science grid computer that I need to use to run some simulations of structure formation in the early universe.
但他还操控着新的开放科学网格计算机，而我需要它来模拟宇宙早期的结构形态。
Well, good luck getting time on it. The only people he lets use it are his friends.
看你有没有那命用上吧，他可只让他的朋友使用。
Well, then, the solution is simple. I shall befriend him. Kripke! Yeah?
那解决办法很简单嘛，我去和他做朋友。克里普柯！啥事？
What would you say to the idea of you and I becoming friends?
你觉得我们交个朋友如何？
I would say I have no interest in becoming your friend.
我觉得木有啥兴趣。
Really? That seems rather short sighted coming from someone who is generally considered altogether unlikable.
当真？你个里里外外不受欢迎的家伙，目光还真是相当短浅呀。
Why don't you take some time to reconsider? Yeah, I'll do that.
不如重新考虑下吧？行呀，我去想想。
Well, I think we're off to a terrific start.
看来咱这开局不错啊。
There you go. Now any email from Wolowitz will go right into your spam folder.
好了，现在所有沃勒威茨发来的邮件都会直接进入垃圾箱。
Thanks. I mean, the email doesn't bother me as much as the vacation pictures of him in a bathing suit.
多谢，其实骚扰邮件倒没啥，他穿浴衣的度假照比较雷人。
Yeah, I got the same one, and that's not a bathing suit. It's a tan line.
是呀，我也收到了，那可不是浴衣是晒痕。
Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper. I am leaving a message for Barry Kripke.
你好，我是谢尔顿?库泊。这是给贝瑞?克里普柯的留言。
Barry, it was pleasant seeing you today in the cafeteria.
贝瑞，很高兴在食堂与你邂逅，
I saw that you purchased the chef's salad.
我注意到你买了推荐沙拉，
Apparently, you did not know that the chef's salad is kitchen trickery to utilize scrap meat.
显然你不知道推荐沙拉是食堂的杂碎肉骗人把戏。
Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed it.
不过呢我希望你用餐愉快。
I'm following up on our pending friendship and I look forward to hearing from you regarding its status. Sheldon Cooper.
我在追踪待定友谊的发展状况，期待你来电给它定位。我是谢尔顿?库泊。
What's up with Ichabod? Uh, he's trying to make a new friend. Oh, really? Well, good for him.
胆小发明家又咋了？他在交友呢。真的？不错嘛。
Well, unless he makes one out of wood like Geppetto, I don't think it's gonna happen.
除非他像杰佩托做出皮诺曹，不然没戏的。
How did you guys become friends?
那你们咋成为朋友的？
There was a flyer on the bulletin board at the university: "Roommate wanted. Whistlers need not apply."
大学公告板上的一张传单，招募室友，吹口哨的勿扰。
And you moved in anyway? I assumed he was joking.
你就搬进去了？我以为他说着玩的。
You'd be surprised how many particle physicists have a whimsical side.
你绝对想不到有多少量子物理学家都有反复无常的一面。
What about Howard and Raj? I mean, how did he become friends with them?
霍华德和拉杰呢？我是说他咋和他们好上的？
I don't know. How do carbon atoms form a benzene ring? Proximity and valence electrons.
不知道，碳原子是如何构成苯环的？价电子亲近。
Well, sure, when you put it that way. But it all worked out, right?
是呀，你这样说也是哈。但相处的也不错是吧。
I suppose. I do miss whistling, though. Oh, come on. Really? First warning.
差不多吧，尽管我很怀念口哨。不是吧？警告一次。
Penny? Penny? Penny? This is for you. Hello, Sheldon.
佩妮？佩妮？佩妮？给你的。你好谢尔顿。
What is this? It's a questionnaire I devised.
这是啥？我设计的调查表。
I'm having some difficulty bonding with a colleague at work so I'm doing a little research to better understand why my current friends like me.
我和一位同事交友遇到点困难，所以我想做些小调查，更好的了解为什么我目前的朋友们喜欢我。
Yes, well, that is a good question. But is this really the best way to figure it out?
嗯，这个问题值得考虑。但你确定这是最好的办法了？
I agree. The social sciences are largely hokum.
赞同，社会科学很大程度是一派胡言。
But short of putting electrodes in your brain and monitoring your response to my companionship, this is the best I can do.
但又不能插一个电极到你的大脑探测你对我友谊问题的反应，这方法还凑合了。
Okay, Question one, Rank the following aspects of Sheldon Cooper in order of appeal, Intelligence; ruthless attention to hygiene; playfulness; JAVA applet writing?
好，问题1， 按吸引力程度给谢尔顿?库泊以下各方面排序，聪明，洁癖，有趣，Java程序编写者？
I know, I may have started out with a fairly obvious one; an aspect of my most appealing trait: playfulness.
也许头一个问题答案过分明显，谁不知道我最吸引人的特质之一，有趣。
Why don't you just go ahead and rank that number one?
你直接把它排到1号吧。
I'm afraid you're on your own for the rest. It should take you no more than three hours.
恐怕剩下的我不能指导你了。用不了三个小时就可以完成。
Well, wait. How many questions are on this thing? Only 211.
等下，这玩意儿有多少个问题呀？区区211个。
Don't worry. In deference to you, I kept them all at a high school graduate reading level.
别担心，为了照顾你，这份高中毕业就能读懂。
Thanks, pal. You got it... buddy.
还得谢你哥们儿。客气啥...姐们儿。
Sheldon, honey, did you ever consider making friends by being, I don't know, pleasant?
谢尔顿亲爱的，你有没有考虑过通过让人开心来交友？
Well, that's certainly a thoughtprovoking hypothesis. May I suggest it as the topic for your essay?
那当然是一个发人深思的假设，我看你论文写这题目好了。
Your questionnaire, very disappointing. I answered every question, Sheldon.
你的调查问卷十分让人失望呀。我逢题必答呀谢尔顿。
You answered the multiple choice questions in a pattern: ABBAC.ABBAC.
你选择题很有规律嘛，ABBACABBAC。
Oh, you picked up on that, huh? How could I not? Come on. There's over 200 questions.
你发现了哈。我怎么会发现不了？行行好，超过200个问题，
And look at some of these things. Sheldon is to camaraderie as the space shuttle is to blank?
看有些问题吧，谢尔顿之于友谊如同太空梭之于什么？
There are a number of acceptable answers. For example, C Near Earth transport. But certainly not B Avocado rancher.
这里有些适合的答案呀，例如C近地运输机，但绝对不是B鳄梨种植工。
And your essay suggesting that I'd have better luck making friends if I wait till the Cylons take over?
你在论文里还说等到赛昂人接管地球，我在交友方面会更有运气。
Please. Now hold on. I put some real work into that.
等等，那篇我可是认真写的。
Yes, well, it's better than what Wolowitz did. He drew a raccoon with what appears to be a distended scrotum.
是呀，可比沃勒威茨好多了，他画了一个大阴囊的发情浣熊。
It's kinda cute. Until you get to the scrotum.
还真有点可爱。只要不看它那玩意儿。
What hope do I have for establishing new relationships given that my current friends apparently could not take a few hours out of their lives to help me?
我怎么会有希望建立新的友情关系？现存的朋友们都舍不得用他们漫长生命的少许小时来帮助我。
Sheldon, I'm not going to defend a bigballed raccoon. Well, I don't see how you could.
谢尔顿，我没打算为大蛋蛋浣熊说话。我看你也说不上话。
What I'm trying to say is that maybe you can't approach this as a purely intellectual exercise.
我想说的是，或许你不能把这些当作纯粹智力习题来对待。
What do you mean? Well, remember when you tried to learn how to swim using the Internet?
你什么意思？还记得你怎么在网上学游泳吗？
I did learn how to swim. On the floor.
我是学过游泳。在地板上学的。
The skills are transferable. I just have no interest in going in the water. Then why learn how to swim?
技巧是相通的。我只是不想到水里去。那你为啥要学游泳呀？
The ice caps are melting, Leonard. In the future, swimming isn't going to be optional.
冰盖在融化呀兰纳德。未来游泳是不可避免的。
But you do bring up an interesting point. I don't have to break new ground here. I'm sure much of the research already exists.
但你给了我灵感，我用不着做新的研究，肯定很多研究结果是现成的。
No, no, my point is, if you want to learn how to make friends, then just go out to a coffee shop or a museum.
不不，我想说的是如果你想学如何交友，到咖啡店或者博物馆。
Meet people. Talk to them. Take an interest in their lives. That's insane on the face of it.
去认识些人和他们交流了解下人家的生活。疯了呗。
Come on. Where are we going?
走吧。我们去哪儿？
You're driving me to the mall. I'm going to acquire a book that summarizes the current theories in the field of friend making.
你载我去商场，我要去买本现存交友领域的理论大全。
Why don't you just lie down on the floor and swim there?
你干嘛不直接躺地上游过去呢？
Coping with the Death of a Loved One. My condolences. Thank you.
如何面对至爱的离去。节哀顺变。感谢你。
Family or friend? Family. Too bad. If it had been a friend, I'm available to fill the void.
家人还是朋友？家人。太遗憾了。如果是朋友，我刚好可以填补空缺。
It's just as well. She smelled like mothballs.
没关系，她满身卫生球味道。
Okay, if you're gonna start sniffing people, I'm gonna go get a hot pretzel.
好吧，要是你在这嗅人玩，我去买点热脆饼。
Excuse me. Do you have any books about making friends?
劳驾，有交友的书吗？
Um, yeah, but they're all for little kids.
嗯有，但都是写给小孩子的。
I assume the skills can be extrapolated and transferred.
我想技巧可以推断，道理相通嘛。
I guess. They're right over there by the wooden train set.
可能吧，就在木火车那边。
I love trains. I bet you do. Oh, my, that's awfully sticky.
我爱火车。你当然喜欢了。天啊，还真粘。
All right, let's see...
好了我来瞧瞧...
