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Okay, I know what you're doing.
我知道你在干什么了
Really?
真的吗
Yes, you're using chocolates as positive reinforcement for what you consider correct behavior.
你在用巧克力做正面教法对你认为良好的行为进行奖励
Very good.
真聪明
Chocole?
来块巧克力吗
No, I don't want any chocolate!
我不想要什么巧克力
Sheldon,
谢尔顿
You can't train my girlfend like a lab rat.
你不能拿我女朋友当实验鼠一样对待
Actually, it turns out I can.
事实证明，我可以
well, you shouldn't.
你不应该这么做
There's just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard?
莱纳德，就是没法让你满意，是吧
You weren't happy with my previous approach to dealing with her,
你不满意我之前那样对她
So I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques, building on the works of thorndike and B.F. Skinner.
所以我决定根据桑代克和B.F.斯金纳的理论采取操作性条件反射的办法
By this time next week,
下周的这个时候
I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool, balancing a beach ball on her nose
我相信我能让她从水池里一跃而出用鼻子平衡塑料气球
No, this has to stop now.
不行，这一套必须打住
I'm not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool.
我不是真的建议让她从水池里跳出来
I thought the "bazinga" was implied.
我以为你该听出了我的"才怪了"
We're just tweaking her personality. Sanding off the rough edges, if you will.
咱们不过是调整她个性，用另一种说法，就是把那些粗糙表面磨磨光
No. You're not sanding Penny.
不行，你不能磨佩妮
Are you saying that I am forbidden From applying a harmless, scientifically valid protocol that will make our lives better?
你是说不许我使用能让改进我们生活的无害的科学有效的正常手段
Yes. You're forbidden.
是的，我不许
Bad Leonard.
坏莱纳德
So, what do you guys do?
那你们俩是做什么的
Oh, you know, goth stuff, goth magazines, goth music.
就是些，哥特东西喽，哥特杂志喽，哥特音乐喽
Goth food.
哥特食品喽
What's goth food?
什么哥特食品
Uh. Blackened salmon?
呃，黑焦三文鱼?
No, I meant what do you do for jobs?
不是，我是问你们的工作
Oh, we're scientists. Yeah, you know, the dark sciences.
我们是科学家，当然，是黑科学的
What are the dark sciences?
什么是黑科学
We... Well, I am an astrophysicist, and a lot of that takes place at night.
我们，我是个天体物理学家，很多工作都要在晚上进行
When there are vampires and miscellaneous undead out and about.
那时候也有吸血鬼呀，僵尸呀什么的到处乱跑
That sounds really cool.
听起来很酷啊
Does it? Okay. If you like space stuff, I design components for the international space station, which is in space.
真的吗，好吧，要是你喜欢宇宙那类的我设计国际太空站的部分呢，在太空里
Where, as I'm sure you know, no one can hear you scream.
你肯定知道，那里没人能听到你喊叫
So, what do you gals do?
那么，两位女士是做什么的
I work at the gap.
我在盖普服装店
Really? How about that? I've been to the gap. I've been there, as well.
真的，可真有趣，我曾经去过盖普啊。我也去过
I like your t-shirts with the little pocket.
我喜欢你们那种有小口袋的T恤衫
I work the, too. Not that anyone cares.
我也在那儿上班，反正也没人关心
You know, this place is boring.
这地方真无聊
Yeah why don't we go somewhere else and have some fun?
可不，咱们去别的地方开心开心吧
Okay. Sure we like fun. We are fun people.
好啊，当然，我们喜欢开心。我们是开心的人
Dark and fun.
又黑暗又开心
Come on. I know a place you'll really dig.
来吧，我知道一个地方你们肯定喜欢
Did you bring the black condoms? In my fanny pack. Let's go.
你带来黑色避孕套吗？就在腰包包里啦。走吧
Are you happy now?
现在高兴了
Not particularly
没有特别高兴
My god, she didn't!
天啊，她没有吧
What could she possibly be talking about for so long?
她究竟在说什么要这么久
Obviously, waitressing at the cheesecake factory Is a complex socioeconomic activity that requires a great deal of analysis and planning.
显然，在芝士蛋糕厂做招待是个复杂的社会经济性活动而且需要相当多的研究与计划
"bazinga."
才怪了
You know, using positive reinforcement techniques, I could train that behavior out of her in a week.
知道么，采用正面鼓励式方法，我能在一个星期之内让她改变这个恶习
No.
不
If you let me use negative reinforcement, I can get it done before we go to bed.
要是你让我用负面鼓励法睡觉前我就能做到
You're not squirting her in the face with water.
你不能用水喷她的脸
No, of course not.
当然不
We're talking very mild electric shocks.
我说的是十分轻微的电击法
No tissue damage whatsoever.
连组织损伤都不会有
Forget it.
别想了
Oh, come on. You can't tell me that you're not intrigued out the possibility of building a better girlfriend.
你不可能告诉我给你打造一个更好的女朋友让你一点都不动心
I'm not.
我没有
Well, and Penny's qualities, both good and bad, are what make her who she is.
佩妮的个性 好的和坏的合成了她这个人
You mean, like that high-pitched, irritating laugh?
你是说，比如那个让人无法忍受的尖笑声
You wouldn't prefer a throaty chuckle?
你就不想希望一个低嗓门的笑声吗
You're not changing how Penny laughs.
不许你改变佩妮的笑声
No, that would be incongruous.
那才是荒诞呢
I was going to lower the whole voice to a more pleasing register.
我打算把她的声音整体降低到一个令人愉快的音区
Ugh. Sorry, guys.
对不起啦，伙计
That girl is freaky.
那丫头是个怪物
Come again?
再说一遍
Freaky.
怪物
Freaky?
怪物
Yeah, freaky.
怪物
Have a chocolate.
吃块巧克力吧
Thank you.
谢谢
Are you seriously going to damage your body just for the possibility you could have cheap sex with a strange girl you met in a bar?
你真打算破坏你的身体，就为了有可能吊上一个在酒吧里遇到的马子?
Yeah!
当然
What is your mother going to say?
你妈妈会怎么说
She's not going to see it.
她根本看不到那里
She takes my temperature orally now.
她现在量我体温都是放嘴里的
What are you going to get, Howard?
霍华德，你打算要什么样的
Well, I can't really decide between a screaming devil, this mean little skull, Or kermit the frog.
我不知道该选尖叫魔鬼，骇人小头骨或是青蛙柯米特
Kermit the frog? You know.
青蛙柯米特
Hi-ho. I'm on Howard's butt.
你好，我在霍华德的屁股上
Get the mean little skull,
刺个骇人小头骨
And I'll see if I can make him smile.
我会让它笑起来
Yeah, I'd like the mean little skull, please.
请给我刺一个骇人小头骨
What are you going to get, Raj?
你要什么，拉杰
With my luck, hepatitis.
像我这种运气，肝炎差不多
Okay, here we go.
好了，我们开始
That's just rubbing alcohol.
只擦了点酒精棉花
I know, but it was cold.
我知道，但凉凉的
I'm putting on the stencil.
我在放图案
What comes after the stencil
放完后怎么做
Okay, that's it. No needle. No pain. No tattoo.
够了，到此为止。不刺针，不痛苦，不纹身
What's the big deal? You've done this before.
小事一桩而已，你又不是没纹过
No, I haven't. Look.
我没纹过，看
I'm sorry. I'm a fraud.
抱歉，我骗了你们
He's a fraud. We're both frauds.
他是个骗子，我们都说谎了
Yeah, I think I covered that. But I was summing up.
我不是已经说过了吗。我是在总结
We're not Goth. We're just...guys.
我们不是哥特，我们只是普通人
Very, very smart guys.
非常，非常聪明的人
So you were totally scamming us?
那你们一直在骗人
Yes.
是的
And I wouldn't blame you if you walked out of here and never wanted to see us again.
要是你想离开再也不想见到我们，我也不会怪你
Unless, of course,our bold honesty has suddenly made us attractive
除非，这突如其来的坦率给我们增添了无限魅力
Huh? Huh? Anything?
怎么样
I'm leaving.
我要走了
I'm leaving, too. Not that anyone cares.
我也要走了，反正也没人关心
When we tell this story, let's end it differently.
等回去说起此事时，要编个不一样的结局
What are you thinking? Maybe a big musical number?
你在想什么，是不是还要来一段歌舞
Well, I'm going to make some warm milk and then turn in.
我弄点热牛奶就进去睡了
I trust if you two are planning on engaging in amorous activities, you'll keep the decibel level to a minimum.
我相信如果你们打算 亲热的话会尽量小声点的
Of course.
当然
Thank you.
谢谢
Mmm. These are so good.
味道真好
Unbelievable.
难以置信
What?
怎么了
I-I was just thinking we should probably turn in, too.
我刚在想 我们也该进房睡了
Well, you know, my new bed got delivered. If you come over and put it together, you can stay at my place.
我的新床送来了如果你过来把它组装好，就能睡在我那里了
Really? That's a lot of work, and it's kind of late.
是吗，但得花不少时间，而且现在有点晚了
Yeah, but if we stay there, we won't have tbe quiet.
但那样我们就不用小声了
Let's go.
我们走
Interesting.
有趣
Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior.
在修正行为方面，性爱比巧克力更有效
I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that.
不知道有没有人研究过这点
Okay, wait. How about this?
等等，这个故事怎么样
We say there were four goth girls.
有四个哥特女孩
The two girls in the club have two friends.
酒吧里有两个女孩，她们还有两个朋友
I like it, I like it.
不错，不错
Did they smell good despite their goth-like nature?
虽然她们是哥特，但她们的味道香吗
What's that got to do with the story?
这有什么关系
Engaging my olfactory sense helps make it real for me.
加上嗅觉的描述，我觉得比较真实
Fine, they smelled good
好吧，她们闻起来香香的
Oh, they did. Like jasmine and honeysuckle
确实，就像茉莉和金银花
Whatever.
无所谓
And then they held hands and did a sexy, demonic hokey pokey for us.
她们手拉手，对我们疯狂的 做下流动作
No, no. Ok, let me just say my story all the way through and then you can say yours, and then we'll pick.
不不，先让我把故事说完你再说你的，然后我们再选
I'm sorry. Go on.
抱歉，你继续说
Okay. We got tattoos, and then the four girls took us to their place
我们去纹了身然后四个女孩带我们到她们的住所，
But we don't have tattoos. What if someone asks to see our tattoos?
但我们没有纹身，万一有人要看纹身，怎么办
We say they're in a very intimate area.
我们就说纹在了非常私密的部位
Oh, we're bad boys, aren't we?
我们太坏了，不是吗
Right, right.
就是，就是
So, we go back to their place and then the six of us end up in a hot tub.
再回头说她们的住所最后我们六个人倒在热气腾腾的浴缸中
But we just got tattos.
但我们刚纹了身
Wouldn't we be concerned about bacterial infection?
我们不怕细菌感染吗
True. Okay. Forget the hot tub.
对，那不要浴缸这段了
The point is, we each had a ménage with sexy goth girls.
重点是我们都和火辣的哥特女孩亲热
What a great night.
今晚太棒了
Yeah.
是啊
Hey, want to try a country bar tomorrow night?
明晚去乡村酒吧碰运气吗
Maybe we'll get lucky with some sexy cowgirls.
也许我们能钓上几个牛仔女孩
Could happen.
很有可能
I wonder how they smell.
不知道她们闻起来什么味道
