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I don't see anything at all, Sheldon.
我什么都没看到，谢尔顿。
Well, you're the doctor, but I am constantly hearing this annoying sound. Me, too.
你是医生听你的，但确实老有烦人的声音在我耳边响。和我一样。
Is it a high frequency whistle? No, it's more of a relentless, narcissistic drone.
是一种高频的口哨声吗？不，是一种时刻不停的自以为是的唠叨。
Yup, there's no inflammation at all, Sheldon. Then it must be a tumor. I seriously doubt it.
没有任何炎症，谢尔顿。那我肯定得肿瘤了。我深表怀疑。
Maybe it's a lingering bacterial infection from all those childhood toilet swirlies.
也许是以前小时候常把头塞进马桶冲水造成的永久性细菌感染。
Is that possible? I used to get those all the time. Even in church.
真的会这样吗？我以前经常这么干的。甚至在教堂里。
Well you know if it is from a swirly, there something I can do.
如果是因为这个的话，我倒有个办法。
Okay, circle, circle, dot, dot, now you have a cootie shot!
圈圈点点，虱子不再烦扰你。
I'm going to bed. Okay, I'll be right in.
我去睡觉了。好的，我马上就来。
It's not enough that she mocks me, but that isn't even the correct procedure for a cootie shot.
她不光是在嘲笑我，而且把打预防针的流程也搞错了。
Do you understand that Stephanie's not here to treat your imaginary ailments?
你知道斯蒂芬妮到这里来不是为了帮你治疗你那些臆想的毛病吧？
How is it imaginary that I keep hearing an octave above Middle C?
怎么可能是臆想，我老是听见一种高于中央C的八度音，
Is that imaginary? I don't think so.
这是臆想吗？我看不是。
Good night. Leonard, there's one more thing.
晚安。莱纳德，还有件事，
Under Article One, Section Three of our Roommate Agreement, I'm calling an emergency meeting. No, you're not.
根据我们的合租协议第一章第三段，我要召开一个紧急会议。你不是吧。
Leonard moves the meeting not occur. Is there a second? None heard, the motion fails.
莱纳德提议不要开会，有人同意么？没有。提议不予采纳。
I'd like to begin the meeting by congratulating you on the progress in your relationship with Dr. Stephanie. Thank you.
在会议的开头，我想祝贺你和斯蒂芬妮医生恋情有了进展。谢谢。
That being said, we have to discuss the implementation of the agreed upon "cohabitation" rider which has been activated now that the two of you are living together.
那也就是说，我们必须讨论对于同居附加条例的执行问题。因为你们两人现在已经住在一起了。
We're not living together. I beg to disagree.
我们没有啊。我有不同意见。
"A girlfriend shall be deemed quote living with unquote Leonard when she has stayed over for A: ten consecutive nights, or B: more than nine nights in three week period, or C: all the weekends of a given month plus three weeknights.
某女性被认定为跟莱纳德前引号同居后引号的时间条件是，A，连续十晚或B，三周之内超过九晚，或C，一个月之内的所有周末再加上三个非周末。
That's absurd. You initialed it. See? L.H. , L.H. , L.H.
这太荒唐了。你自己都签名了，看，莱莱莱
Wait, I only initialed it because I never thought it would happen!
我签名的原因是因为我觉得这些条例永远都用不上的。
I initialed another clause naming you my sidekick in case I get super powers.
我还签了一条，上面说如果我有超能力的话就让你做我搭档。
Hmm, yes, you did. Now, here review the following provisions are hereby activated:
是啊，没错。我们再来温故一下需要执行哪些条例。
In the refrigerator, as opposed to us having two separate shelves and one communal shelf,
在冰箱里我们不能再使用两个单人层和一个公用层了。
the three of us now get individual shelves and the door becomes communal.
现在我们三个人每人使用一层，然后冰箱门变作公用。
Next, apartment vacuuming shall be increased from two to three times a week to accommodate the increased accumulation of dead skin cells.
下一条，房间清扫工作，应从每周两次增加为每周三次，以解决日益增加的死皮细胞。
Third, the bathroom schedule. Now, I'm given to understand women have different needs, so, we'll have to discuss that.
第三，厕所使用时间表，我了解到女人对厕所的用法有所不同，所以我们应该讨论一下。
I'm going to bed. At least take this with you.
我去睡觉了。你至少也得把这带走吧。
Look, and have Stephanie initial here, here, here, here...and...here.
别忘了让斯蒂芬妮签名，这里，这里，这里还有这里。
This states that she does not now nor does she intend to play a percussive or brass instrument.
这一条规定，从现在起她不能也不准计划演奏打击乐器或者铜管乐器。
Sure sounds like a tumor pressing on the auditory nerve.
肯定是肿瘤压迫听觉神经了。
No, absolutely not. It's not a big deal. We have latex gloves.
绝对不行。这又没什么，我们有卫生手套的。
I don't care what the symptoms are, my girlfriend is not going to give you a prostate exam.
我不管你出现了什么症状，我女朋友是不会帮你做前列腺检查的。
Hi, Sheldon. Good morning, Dr. Stephanie. I trust Leonard satisfied you sexually last night.
谢尔顿。早上好，斯蒂芬妮医生。我想莱纳德昨晚肯定让你性福了吧。
Sheldon, we don't ask questions like that. I heard you ask it over and over. How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?
谢尔顿，这种问题不能随便问的。那我怎么总听到你在问啊，我只问一次怎么就错了。
He did very nicely. See? She's not offended. And now you finally have an answer.
他非常棒。看见没，她不生气，而且你也知道结果了。
Out of coffee. Need coffee. Oh, hello. Hi! Stephanie, right? Uhhuh. And And And you are?
没咖啡了，需要咖啡。你好。斯蒂芬妮是吗？是，你...你是？
Penny, I live across the hall. I've heard a lot about you. Really? Mmhmm. I haven't heard a thing about you.
佩妮，我就住对门。我听说了你很多事情。是吗？怎么没人跟我提起你啊。
Leonard, Why haven't I heard a thing about this woman who lives across the hall and comes into your apartment in the morning...in her underwear?
莱纳德？为什么你从来都没跟我说起过这个住在你对门的喜欢早上跑这儿来的女人，还穿着内衣？
She's heard about you because we're, you know, involved and you haven't heard about her because...
她听说过你是因为你是我女朋友，而你没听说过她则是因为...
I never slept with her, I swear!
我从没跟她上过床，我发誓。
In Leonard's defense, it wasn't for lack of trying.
不过话说回来，这倒并不是因为莱纳德不想。
Thank you, Sheldon. You're welcome, Leonard.
谢谢你，谢尔顿。别客气，莱纳德。
Look, I'm just saying, um... Penny is one of our many neighbors, you know, and in our building, neighbors come and go, it's very casual, no dress code.
我的意思是佩妮是我们众多邻居中的一位，在我们这幢楼里，邻居们进进出出很随便的，不讲究穿着。
In fact, some mornings I'll just mosey down to the third floor in my pajamas and have cereal with Mrs. Vartabedian.
实际上有好几天早上我都是穿着睡衣游荡到三楼瓦塔比蒂安太太家里跟她一起吃麦片的。
Really? I have never once been invited to have cereal with Mrs. Vartabedian.
真的吗？我怎么从来都没被瓦塔比蒂安太太邀请去共进麦片的。
She doesn't like you.
她看你不爽。
You have a gall bladder to remove and I have to get in the shower and Penny has clothes to put on, so...
你不是要去切除什么胆囊么？我要去洗澡了，而佩妮要穿衣服了。
Well, it was very nice meeting you. Nice to finally meet you, too. And I'll see you tonight? Okay, byebye.
很高兴能见到你。我也很高兴终于见到你了。我们今天晚上见？好的，再见。
What could I possibly have done to offend Mrs. Vartabedian?
我到底做了什么事情招惹到了瓦塔比蒂安太太？
So, that's Stephanie, huh?
那就是斯蒂芬妮啊？
Why do I feel like I'm the one that just got the prostate exam?
为什么我感觉我被做了前列腺检查？
You know, she seems very nice. Oh, she is. She's terrific. And she's proving to be a valuable roommate.
她看上去人挺好的。没错，她太棒了。真的是一位好室友。
Roommate? You guys are living together? Like hippies.
室友？你们住一起了？像嬉皮士一样。
We're not living together. Do I have to pull out the paperwork again?
我们没同居。你还想看看那些条款吗？
We're not living together. Are you sure? How could I not be sure? Well, let's find out.
我们没同居。你确定吗？我怎么可能不确定。我们试试就知道了。
Don't you think if a woman was living with me I'd be the first one to know about it?
你不觉得如果一个女人和我同居的话我会第一个意识到么？
Oh, sweetie, you'd be the last one to know about it.
亲爱的，你肯定是那个最后知道的。
Hmm, cute dresses. I bet this looks great on you!
很漂亮的衣服嘛。我打赌你穿这个会很好看。
We're not living together. Okay, hmm... Scented candles, fuzzy slippers, Ooh! Floral bed sheets?
我们没有同居。好吧。香氛蜡烛，毛毛拖鞋，碎花床单。
We're not living together. Okay, moving on. Now, who are these guys at Disney World?
我们没有同居。好吧，我继续，迪斯尼乐园里这两位是谁呀？
Uh, the big dog is Goofy, but the older couple with the mouse ears, I have no idea.
那个大狗叫高飞，那两个戴米奇耳朵的大人我就不知道了。
We're not living together! You're going to go down swinging, huh?
我们没有同居。还不承认嘛？
All right, well, we got your body lotion, your InStyle Magazine, your jewelry box. We're not Where's my Bat Signal?
好吧，看看你的护肤乳液，你的瑞丽杂志，你的首饰盒。我们没有...我的蝙蝠侠信号灯去哪了？
You have a Bat Signal? I did. It was right here.
你有一个蝙蝠侠信号灯？我是有过，之前就放这了。
She must've Oh, my God, we're living together. Really? What was your first clue?
一定是她，天呐，我们是同居了。真的吗，你是怎么发现的？
New pants? Yeah, Sthanie got them for me. Nice. Cotton?
新裤子？是啊，斯蒂芬妮买给我的。不错嘛，棉的。
Actually, I think it's more of wool, fire ant blend.
事实上我觉得更像是羊毛和火红蚁的混合物。
So, the girlfriend is buying clothes for you, huh? Sounds serious.
这么说你的女朋友替你买衣服啦，很亲密嘛。
It is actually. In fact, I gave it a lot of thought and I decided it was time for us to live together.
没错。事实上我也想了很多，我觉得我们是时候搬到一起住了。
Oh, Leonard, huge mistake.
莱纳德，大错特错，
There's a whole buffet of women out there and you're just standing in the corner eating the same deviled egg over and over again.
外面的女人多的就像自助餐厅里的食物，你却站在角落里吃着同样的芥末蛋，日复一日。
At least I have an egg. What do you have?
至少我有鸡蛋吃，你有什么？
A veritable smorgasbord of potential sexual partners. See the blonde over there?
一打随意取用的潜在性伴侣。看到那个金发美女了吗？
I can hit on her and you can't. So, go hit on her.
我能去泡她你就不行。去泡啊。
She's not my type. Too bad, 'cause she was checking you out before.
她不是我喜欢的类型。真遗憾，她刚才还偷看你来着呢。
She was? Of course not. Look at her.
她有嘛？当然没有，看看她。
I don't care what you guys think. Stephanie and I are very happy living together.
我不关心你们怎么想，斯蒂芬妮和我住在一起很开心。
I will give either of you 20 dollars, right now to trade pants with me.
我愿意给你们20块钱，你们谁能跟我换换裤子呀。
Sheldon, what are you doing here? Hang on. 130 over 80. A little high.
谢尔顿，你干嘛呢？等下。高压130低压80，有点高，
We can attribute that to the stress of sneaking past the security desk.
可能是紧张的缘故，因为我得悄悄溜过保安室。
Where did you get the stethoscope and the blood pressure cuff?
你哪来的听诊器，还有这个血压袖带？
My aunt Marion gave them to me for my 12th birthday.
我阿姨玛丽昂给我的12岁生日礼物。
She thought if I failed at theoretical physics that I should have a trade to fall back on.
她觉得如果我挂了理论物理，得有个谋生的手艺。
And by the way, the blood pressure cuff is called a sphygmomanometer.
顺便说一下，那个血压袖带叫做血压计。
Thank you. Didn't they teach you that in medical school?
他们在医学院没有教过你吗？
I'm kinda busy here, Sheldon. I understand. All I need is for you to authorize these tests.
我有点忙谢尔顿。我了解，我就是需要你授权这些检查。
A cardiac stress test, a full body MRI, anlectromyogram, a CBC, baseline glucose. Upper GI?
心脏负荷检查，全身磁共振成像，肌电图，全血细胞计数，葡萄糖基线，上消化道？
Oh, and an exploratory laparoscopy. Last time I had hiccups, it felt like my diaphragm was just going through the motions.
还有腹腔镜检查。上次我打嗝了，感觉像是我的隔膜在向我示意。
Go home, Sheldon. Can I at least have the upper GI? I already drank the barium!
回家吧谢尔顿。至少给我做个上消化道检查吧，我都已经喝了钡水了。
