Rachel: Ok. Hey. Umm. Does everybody hate these shoes?

Chandler: Oh yeah, but, don't worry. I don't think anyone's gonna focus on that as long as you're wearing that towel dress.

Rachel: Tell him.

Ross: It's her first day at this new job. You're not supposed to start with her!

Chandler: All right, I suppose I can wait a day. Hey, what're you doing Friday? Why?

Chandler: I need you to come to this bachelor party for my weird cousin Albert, you know he's the, the botanist.

Ross: Oh, God. You know, botanists are such geeks.

Chandler: Yeah. Is that a dinosaur tie? Hmm? Oh, yeah.

Phoebe: Good morning. Rach, I'm here with the purses!

Chandler: It must take you forever to find your keys.

Rachel: Thank you, thank you, thank you, Pheebs.

Phoebe: Your welcome, oh please not the one with the turtles.

Rachel: No, no, no, no turtles scare me. I don't need that today.

Ross: Honey, just relax, it's gonna be fine. Hey, umm, why don't I come down there and I'll take you out to lunch?

Rachel: Oh honey, thank you, but Mark's taking me out.

Ross: Mark is that ah, the same Mark that helped you get the job?

Rachel: Yeah, it's kinda like a 'good luck on your first day' sort of thing. Is this actually a lunchbox?

Phoebe: Umm, no, it's a purse. And there's a thermos in it. Oh.

Chandler: Hey, so can you make it on Friday?

Ross: What? Oh yeah, yeah I think so. Why am I invited to this again?

Chandler: Well apparently Albert has no friends. He's very excited about the bachelor party though.

I think actually the only reason he's getting married is so he can see a stripper.

Phoebe: A stripper at a bachelor party, that is so cliché. Why don't you get a magician? !

Chandler: Well, if the magician can open my beer with his butt cheeks, then all right.

Ross: She's having lunch with him. Lunch with him. You should've seen the hug she gave him when she got the job. And, and, and, he's really good looking. What am I gonna do?

Chandler: You don't do anything. Keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings! You don't cry out loud.

Joey: Yes! Guess who's in an audition for a Broadway musical?

Chandler: I wanna say you but that seems like such an easy answer.

Joey: It is me! It's a musical version of Tale of Two Cities. So, I think I'm gonna sing New York, New York, and ah, oh, I left My Heart in San Francisco.

Ross: Ah Joey, I don't think you get to pick the cities.

Joey: What?

Ross: Mr. Dickens gets to pick 'em.

Joey: Who?

Chandler: I'll get you the Cliff Notes. The what? The abridgment.

Joey: Oh, ok. The what?

Mark:...and the style number, the invoice number, and the shipping date. Good. Any questions so far?

Rachel: Yeah. What kind of discount do we get? Twenty percent.

Rachel: Oh! ! I love this job! Wow! My first call.

Mark: Here, let me. Rachel Green's line, how may I help you?

Ross: Hi, is Rachel there?

Mark: And who may I say is calling? This is Ross.

Mark: Ross of...

Ross: Of Ross and Rachel.

Mark: Oh, hi! It's, it's Mark.

Ross: Oh hey, hey Mark. Hey, hey, hold on a second. Ok. It's Ross.

Rachel: Hi honey! Hi! What ah, what's Mark, doing answering your phone?

Rachel: Oh, he's just goofing around.

Ross: Ohhhhh yeah, that's, that's funny. Why ah, why isn't he goofing around in his own office?

Rachel: Oh honey, this is his office too. I told you we're Joanna's two assistants.

Ross: Why does Joanna need two assistants, how, how lazy is she?

Rachel: Oh! Oh my God! What did I just do? What?

Rachel: I think I just shipped 3,000 bras to personnel. Honey, I gotta go. Mark, I need you!

Ross: Ok, bye bye. Ow! Ross! !

Ross: Oh, oh, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry sweetie, I was just trying to ah, I was dialing another number.

Jeannine: All right, I just got changed in thirty seconds so you can be alone with him. You'd better go for it.

Monica: Please, I'm not going for anything.

Jeannine: Well, if you don't, I will.

Monica: Would you please go?

Jeannine: Night Mon. Night Julio. Adios.

Monica: Look Julio, someone left their book here.

Julio: Ah, actually, that is mine. Oh yeah? Yes.

Monica: What are you reading?

Julio: Flowers of Evil, by Beaudalire. Have you read it?

Monica: Have I read it? No, are you enjoying it?

Julio: I thought that I would, but the translation's no good.

Monica: You're a poet, you don't know it.

Julio: Actually I ah, I am a poet.

Monica: Oh, so you do know it. So um what kind of things, do you write about?

Julio: Things that move me. The, the shadow of a tree, a, a child laughing, or this lip.

Monica: Mine? Right here?

Julio: Yes. I can write an epic poem about, this lip.

Monica: How would that go? Well, it didn't rhyme, but I liked it.

Joey: You've got to pick a pocket or two. Boyyyyssss, you've got to pick a pocket or two...

Director: Lovely, just lovely.

Joey: Really? Thanks.

Director: Listen Joey, we definitely wanna see you for the callback on Saturday.

Joey: Excellent, I'll be there. Ok, and listen don't forget to bring your jazz shoes for the dance audition.

Joey: Ahhh! My ah, my agent said it wasn't a dancing part.

Director: Oh Joey, all the roles gotta dance a little. But believe me with your dance background it'll be a piece of cake.

Chandler: Three years of modern dance with Twyla Tharp! Five years with the American Ballet Theater? !

Joey: Hey, everybody lies on their resume, ok? I wasn't one of the Zoom Kids either.

Phoebe: Well, can you, like dance at all?

Joey: Yeah, I can dance, you know.

Chandler: Oh no, no, no, no.

Phoebe: What, what is that?

Joey: Sure, it looks stupid now, there's no music playing.

Chandler: All right, I have to get that, but no no. Hello? Hi! Yeah uh, listen, uh, I'm, I'm in need of a stripper and I was told that you do that.

Ok. Let me ask you this, what, what do you do for the extra hundred? So would I, would I have to provide the grapes?

Monica: Hi!

Phoebe: Oh, how was last night with Julio, señorita?

Monica: It was so amazing, he is so sexy, and smart, which makes him even sexier.

My gosh, I gotta tell you this. Um, last night, we were fooling around and all of a sudden he stops, to write a poem.

Joey: Get out! I couldn't stop if a meteor hit me.

Chandler: Okay, we have our stripper. A miss Crystal Chandelier.

Joey: Well sure, you name a kid that, what do you expect them to grow up to be?

Monica: Anyway um, when he left he forgot to take the poem with him. Now, I am like totally dense about poetry, but I think it's pretty good all right. Check it out.

Joey: The Empty Vase. Translucent beauty... To yourself. Hey hey hey, you know what, that's pretty good.

Monica: Oh good, I think so too. Pheebs? Oh yeah.

Monica: Oh, I'm glad so you guys like it. Yay! All right I gotta go to work. Whoa, I'm not done.

Monica: All right, well just give it back to me when you're through. Ok, see you guys. Bye bye.

Phoebe: Bye. Oh my God, oh my God! Poor Monica!

Chandler: What, what, what? !

Phoebe: What? ! He was with her when he wrote this poem. Look, 'My vessel so lovely with nothing inside?

Now that I've touched you, you seem emptier still.' He thinks Monica is empty, she is the empty vase! "Voz"? Vase?

Chandler: Monica's not an empty vase.

Phoebe: Oh, you think vase?

Chandler: You really think that is what he meant?

Phoebe: Totally. Oh, God, oh, she seemed so happy too.

Joey: Done. What happened?

Chandler: Joey, what, what do you think this poem means?

Joey: Oh Monica's the vase, right?

Chandler: You are such a mystery to me.

Mark: Do you have the, the Ralph Lauren file?

Oh, yeah, sure! It's right.

Mark: Wh what's that?

Ross: Uh, it's, it's from Ross, it's a love bug.

Mark: Wow! Somebody wants people to know you have a boyfriend.

Rachel: Oh no, no no no, that's not, not, not, what he is doing. He's just, he's just really romantic.