Chandler: Hey! Hey!

Chandler: Hey hey hey. So what happened? Did a forest tick you off?

Joey: No. You know how we're always saying we need a place for the mail.

Chandler: Yeah! Well, I started building one. But then I decided to take it to the next step.

Chandler: You're building a post office?

Joey: No, an entertainment unit, with a mail cubby built right in. It's a one day job, max.

Chandler: Ok. My word! Those are snug.

Joey: Oh yeah. These are my old work pants, Sergio Valente's.

Joey: Power saw kinda got away from me there.

Rachel: Hey Pheebs. Hey! Any sign of your brother?

Phoebe: No, but he's always late.

Rachel: I thought you only met him once?

Phoebe: Yeah, I did. I think it sounds like you know big sistery, you know, 'Frank's always late.' So.

Rachel: Well relax, he'll be here.

Phoebe: No, I know, I'm just nervous. You know I, it's just you know mom's dead, don't talk to my sister, Grandma's been sleeping a lot lately.

It's just like the last desperate chance to have a family, you know, kinda thing. You're so sweet to wait with me.

Rachel: Well, actually Gunther sent me. You're not allowed to take cups out here, it's a thing.

Chandler: Does anyone else think David Copperfield is cute?

Monica: No, but he told me, he thinks you're a fox.

Chandler: All right, Janice, likes him. In fact she likes him so much she put him on her freebie list.

Joey: Her what?

Chandler: Well, we have a deal, where we each get to pick five celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one can't get mad.

Ross: Ah, the heart of every healthy relationship. Honesty, respect, and sex with celebrities.

Monica: So, Chandler, who's on your list?

Chandler: Ah, Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and ah, Jessica Rabbit.

Chandler: Ah, Now, you do realize that she's a cartoon, and way out of your league?

Chandler: I know, I know, I just always wondered if I could get her eyes to pop out of her head.

Joey: Man this is such a great thing. You know, Annie Esposito would never have dumped me had we had a list like this, you know?

Oh, and also of course if her sister was famous. Hey, Monica, who would yours be?

Monica: First, I need a boyfriend, then I can have a list.

Joey: It's a game Mon. Rach, how about you?

Rachel: Oh, I don't know, I guess, Chris O'Donnell, John F.Kennedy, Jr. , Daniel Day Lewis, Sting, and Parker Stevenson.

Spiderman?

Rachel: Hardy Boy.

Chandler: Peter Parker. Thank you.

Rachel: What about you honey, who would be on your list?

Ross: Why, you know, that that kinda thing requires some serious thought.

First, I'll divide my prospective candidates into categories...

Chandler: What a geek!

Phoebe: Everybody this is Frank! This is my half brother Frank. Oh, hi.

Phoebe: This is everybody. This is, this is Ross.

Frank: How are you? Hey.

Phoebe: Chandler. Hi. Hi. Joey. Hey hey! Hey. This is Monica.

Frank: Whoa! And this is Rachel. Hi! Whoa! !

Phoebe: I'm gonna get coffee, for us.

Frank: Hey, how do you guys get anything done?

Chandler: We don't, really.

Rachel: Well, so now, do you guys have a lot of big plans?

Phoebe: Oh yeah! Yeah, no, we're gonna connect, you know bond, and everything.

Frank: Yeah, I was thinking maybe we could go out down to Time Square and pick up some ninja stars.

And, oh, um, my friend Larry, he wants me to take a picture of a hooker.

Chandler: You know, we really don't take advantage of living in the city. I know.

Joey: Oh, sorry. Did I get ya?

Chandler: No, you didn't get me! It's an electric drill, you get me, you kill me!

Joey: Calm down, do you want this unit or not?

Chandler: I do NOT want this unit! !

Joey: Well, you should've told me that before, I'm not a mind reader.

Hey, we're out of beer. Ok, I'm going to Monica's.

Chandler: Fine!

Monica: Hey! Where're ya heading in those pants? 1982?

Joey: Oh Monica, listen, I ah, I saw down at the hardware store, they got those designer tiles on sale, if you wanna redo your bathroom floor.

Monica: What's wrong with my bathroom floor?

Joey: Nothing. It's just old and dingy, that's all.

Monica: I highly doubt that.

Joey: Oh yeah? If you ah, move your hamper, you can see the color the tile used to be. Yeah.

Monica: I can't live like this! What what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?

Joey: Relax, relax. Here, hold this. This old stuff comes right up. I'll show ya.

Monica: Little more than I wanted to see.

Joey: Aw! Look at that, every inch of this is glued down. It'd take forever to pry this up.

You should ah, you should just leave it.

Monica: I can't leave it! You gouged a hole in my dingy floor.

Joey: Eh! There you go.

Monica: Aww. Yeah that's nice, you know we could put it back there after the surgeons remove it from your colon!

Give me a new floor!

Joey: l can't. Monica. Chandler will kill me if l don't finish the unit.

Monica: l'll pay you double what he's paying you.

Joey: He's not paying me anything.

Monica: Triple.

Phoebe: Oh, ew! What?

Phoebe: Yeah, I know what I wanted to ask you. Um, can you roll your tongue?

'cause I can, and my mom couldn't, and I thought you know, I figured that was something I got from our dad.

Frank: What, wait, you mean like this?

Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. You can do it too, yeah.

Frank: You're not doing it.

Phoebe: Oh right, ok, yeah, my mom could, and I can't. We don't have that...

Frank: When's your birthday?

Phoebe: February 16th.

Frank: I know a guy who's the 18th.

Phoebe: That's close. When's yours?

Frank: October 25th.

Phoebe: That's the same month as Halloween. Yeah.

Phoebe: Yeah. So, um, what kinda things do you like to do at home?

Frank: Melt stuff.

Ross: Ok, I've got three of my five.

Rachel: Three of your five, what?

Ross: Celebrities I'm allowed to sleep with.

Rachel: Oh my God! You are giving this a lot of thought.

Ross: Hey, it's hard, ok? I only have two spots left.

Chandler: All right, so who you got it narrowed down to?

Ross: Okay, Elizabeth Hurely.

Chandler: Oooh hoo, very attractive, forgiving.

Ross: Susan Sarandon.

Chandler: Eh, You know what? She's too political.

She'd probably make you donate four cans of food first.

Ross: And Isabella Rosselini.

Ross: Very hot. Very sexy.

But ah, you know, she's too international, you know she's never gonna be around.

Rachel: So? So, you gotta play the odds, pick somebody who's gonna be in the country like all the time.

Rachel: Yeah, 'cause that's why you won't get Isabella Rosselini, geography.

Phoebe: Ok so, by melting, you meant melting.

Frank: Yeah.

Phoebe: So is it like art?

Frank: Yeah, you can melt art. Hey, can I use your phone?

Phoebe: Um, yeah sure. Why, you wanna call your mom?

Frank: No, I wanna melt it. No, just the numbers. It'll still work.

Phoebe: Oh, well um, not right now.

You know what I think I'm just gonna go to bed, I think the fumes are giving me a headache, so.

Frank: Yeah!

Phoebe: Good night. , bro.

Frank: Good night.

Phoebe: Here. You know, just in case.

Frank: Oh, excellent.

Monica: What kind of karate is that?

Phoebe: No kind. He just makes it up.

Monica: So how's it go with you guys?

Phoebe: So far, it kind of blows.

I don't know, I just thought, you know, that he'd feel more like a brother,

you know, like you and Ross, just like close and connected and...

Monica: Oh honey, we're close now but you you wouldn't believe the years of of nugies, and wedgies, and flying wedgies, and atomic wedgies, and...

That's where the waistband actually goes over your head.

Phoebe: Ah! ! Oh, we used to drive each other crazy playing the shadow game.

Phoebe: Oh, how do you play the shadow game? Oh, how do you play the shadow game?

Phoebe: I just asked you. I just asked you.

Phoebe: I don't have time for this.

Monica: No, that is what the game is. Which you just gave up really quickly.

Chandler: Have you seen Joey? What's the matter?

Chandler: Oh, just this! You know what, it's my fault really, because the couch is where we usually keep the varnish.

Joey: Hey, somebody wanna hand me one of those tiles?

Chandler: What's going on? He's retiling my floor.