One week has passed since I gave birth to my son Jax, and today, I will bury my husband. As "Knockin' on Heavens Door" bounces off the walls of the Baptist church, I think back on our wedding day. Red roses, greenery, and candles surrounded us. It was a beautiful day, filled with so much love and new beginnings. I never could have imagined that almost 11 years later, I would sit in the same church and be forced to say goodbye. I hold our infant close as I look upon his father's casket. "This can't be real," I tell myself. It's the same line I've been telling myself for days.
生完儿子Jax一周后的今天，我即将埋葬我的丈夫。浸信会教堂内播放着《敲向天堂的门》（Knockin' on Heavens Door），我回想起婚礼当天的场景。红玫瑰、绿植和蜡烛围绕着我们。那天晴空万里，充满爱与新的开始。我从未想过，11年过后，我会坐在同一座教堂，被迫和他道别。看着丈夫棺材的那一刻，我紧紧抱着我们的宝宝。"这不可能是真的，"我对自己说。很多天以来，我都如是说道。
Justin and I married in 2003, when I was 20 and he was 22. We were young, in love, and so full of hopes and dreams. Our wedding was definitely on the larger side, with a wedding party of a headcount close to 400. After all, we had looked forward to our wedding day for more than six years.
2003年，我和贾斯汀结婚了，当时我20岁，他22岁。我们很年轻，也很相爱，充满着希望与梦想。我们的婚礼非常盛大，大约有400位嘉宾。毕竟，我们6年前就开始期待这场婚礼了。
Today, the memories of our wedding are still pretty vivid, and I am grateful for that. But it's the memories of his funeral that seem to stick in my mind the most. The church that once brought me so much happiness now only brings pain. It's been four years since I lost Justin, and I still cannot bring myself to be inside those walls.
而今，婚礼当天的场景仍历历在目，我非常感激。但似乎，他的葬礼才是我挥之不去的记忆。那座曾经给我带来欢乐的教堂如今却带给我无尽的悲痛。贾斯汀去世四年了，我还是不敢再去那座教堂。
The day after Justin's funeral, someone asked me a question that I will never forget: "Do you think you will ever remarry?" I was completely caught off guard and found this question totally inappropriate. Not only was it way too soon for me to be pondering this sort of thing, but I'd never even considered the possibility of being with anyone else. But for whatever reason, I answered. "I think so," I responded. I couldn't believe my own words! Justin hadn't been gone a week and I already knew deep down that I wanted to find love again. Was I brave or was I just another fool?
贾斯汀葬礼的第二天，有人问了我一个我永远都不会忘记的问题："你觉得你还会再婚吗？"我措手不及，觉得他/她问这个问题真是不礼貌。不仅因为考虑这个问题还为时过早，而且还因为我从未想过与他人在一起的可能性。但不知何故，我回道"我觉得会吧"。我不敢相信我竟然说了这种话！贾斯汀走了还不到一周，但我内心深处却早已知道我会重新爱上某人。该说我是勇敢，还是蠢呢？
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