Should you ever get married? Are you a man? Answer the second question first. If the answer to the second question is "Yes", then the obvious answer to the first question is, "NO!" The fact is, marriage has never been all that it's cracked up to be. And in the past few decades, this venerable old institution has actually degenerated even further into an absolute soul and wallet draining waking nightmare, especially for the male of the species.
你该结婚吗？你是男人吗？先回答第二个问题。如果第二个答案是"yes"的话，那么第一个答案明显是"No"。 实际上，婚姻远非人们所想。过去几十年，结婚这种神圣而古老的婚恋习俗已逐渐退化为一场噩梦，纯粹劳力伤财，尤其是对男性来讲。
There used to be a great many practical and logistical reasons why marriage was an ideal arrangement (albeit, from vastly different points of view) for both men and women. However, in the 21st century, the majority of those reasons have passed into the murky mists of history. Today, it simply makes more sense not to get married. It's one thing to fall in love, another to surrender your emotional and economic freedom.
曾经，许多现实原因表明婚姻对男女来说都是最理想的安排（尽管从不同方面来讲）。然而，在21世纪，大多数这些原因已经消失在历史的迷雾中。如今，不结婚更合乎情理。毕竟，相爱是一回事， 放弃情感及经济自由又是另一回事。
10.She's Going To Gain Weight, No Matter What (So Are You, By The Way)
10.不管怎样，她会增重（随便提一下，你也会）
If she gets pregnant, she's obviously going to gain weight (Score one for all you Captain Obvious fans). But, even if you remain childless, the both of you are going to gain weight. In fact, in many ways, the first five years of a marriage are a slow but steady race to see who can let themselves go the farthest, for the longest amount of time, with the fewest possible repercussions.
如果她怀孕，那她肯定会增重（这显而易见）。但即使不要孩子，你俩也会增重。实际上，在很多方面，结婚头五年像一场缓慢持久的比赛，看谁走得更远，坚持最久，受影响最小。
According to a recent study conducted by the University of Queensland in Australia, women who live with a partner (in this case, let's go ahead and read husband) tend to gain more weight than women who live completely alone. Is it hard to understand why this should be?
据澳大利亚昆士兰大学的一项最新研究表明，与伴侣同住的女性（这种情况，我们可进一步称之为丈夫）比独居的女性更易增重。很难理解为什么是这样吗？
No, it really isn't. The fact is, women who are in a secure, exclusive, and committed relationship, particularly one that has been formalized with a legal ceremony and a wedding ring, feel no twinge of guilt whatsoever in gradually letting of the svelte little bod they had on offer back in your courtin' days. And, honestly, are they wrong? Is a gain of ten pounds going to nullify your wedding vows? Do you have a leg to stand on in court over this trifling matter?
不，不难理解。实际上，处于安全、专一、忠诚的男女关系中的女性，尤其是举行过婚礼、佩戴婚戒的已婚女士，完全不会为失去热恋期间小巧、曼妙的身姿而痛心、愧疚。但实话说，她们（这样）有错吗？增重十磅违背结婚誓言了吗？你会为这区区小事而对簿公堂吗？
Of course, the female side is taking the brunt of the argument in this particular scenario precisely because this article is being written from the male point of view. Trust us, tough guy, women notice when you pack on the pounds as well.
当然，这篇文章从男性角度来讲，女性无疑是争论焦点。相信我，型男，你增重时，女士也会格外注意。
9.Marriage Shuts Down All Other Possible Options, Permanently
9.婚姻永久斩断一切其他可能
Not sure what you're getting into? Don't know how you really feel about not having the luxury of keeping all your other options open? Not keen on consigning your "Little Black Book" to the flames? In short, are you getting more than just the normally described case of cold feet over you impending nuptials?
不确定你会面对什么？不知道放弃其他一切可能感觉如何？不想把"爱情黑名单"付之一炬？简言之，你比普通所说的婚前恐惧感受更深吗？
If this is the case, it's more than an ominous sign for the future of your marriage. We'd say it's more in the line of a direct express telegram from the Bachelor Deity, warning you to shake off the chains before they bind you fast in the fetters of unsuitable monogamy.
假如真是如此，那么这远不止是你婚姻生活的不祥之兆。在神学士的自白表达中更为多见，警告你赶紧松手，以免陷入婚姻的枷锁，被一夫一妻制所辖制。
Marriage means an end to all the casual dates (and the casual sex). Marriage means that you wake up with the same person, morning after morning, after love making, after arguing, after many nights of sheer, soul lacerating boredom. Marriage demands the state of monogamy, which, from a male point of view, may as well be more accurately labeled, "monotony". It's the end of your freedom and all of your options.
婚姻意味着所有临时约会（和随意性交）的终结。结婚意味着你在随后无数个早晨都将和同一个女人一起醒来，不管你们昨晚是做爱，吵架还是无聊至极。婚姻需要"一夫一妻"，从男性角度讲，"单调乏味"也许更为贴切。婚姻是你自由和所有选择的终点。
To put it bluntly, when you enter into the bonds of marriage, you're stuck with each other, until death do you part. There's a reason that these phrases sound so ominous and so final – they're designed to be. Of course, nowadays the radical cure of divorce is far more easily available than it used to be. But if you're already reassuring yourself with such thoughts this early in the game, it's just another little hint that you really aren't ready for the big commitment.
说穿了，步入婚姻，夫妻双方彼此束缚，只有死亡才可分离。这话听起来很不妙也很绝对—因为它们注定如此。当然，如今离婚处理起来比以往容易得多。但还未结婚你就用这样的想法给自己打气，这只能说你还没为婚姻做好充分准备。
8.Getting Shacked Up Will Empty Your Wallet For Years To Come
8.就同居这事儿，就能让你穷上好几年
The average total cost of a wedding in the United States is currently in excess of $30,000.
现如今，在美国，平均的婚礼开支已经超过了三万美元。
According to a recent survey published by CNN on their official website, the total costs of the average American wedding break down as follows:
CNN在其官方网站上进行了一项调查发现，美国人的婚礼开支由以下几个部分构成：
$14,000 to rent the venue where the event will be held.
婚礼场地租金：14000美元
$5,800 to buy the ring.
婚戒：5800美元
$3,500 to hire the band.
乐队：3500美元
$68 catering costs per invitee.
酒席：68美元/人
$439 per printed wedding invitation.
请帖：439美元/版
$275 per set of miscellaneous party favors.
特色婚礼小礼品：275美元/套
An average of 43 percent of the total cost of the wedding will be paid for by the parents of the bride, which leaves someone else – namely, you – on the hook for the remaining 57 percent. Greater minds than yours have furrowed their brows in despair at the escalating costs and the long years of their lives about to spent in making payments on a plan. While many have survived this ultimate ordeal, there are plenty more who wonder what demon whispered in their ear to make them sign on the dotted line and wreck their lives.
一般来说，新娘的父母会支付43%的婚礼开支，这就意味着，剩下的57%由你解决。比你更聪明的人也难免因开支增长或多年缩衣节食度日而失望、头大。尽管很多人把这些都挺过去了，但是更多人还是想知道他们是怎么鬼使神差地在结婚文件上签了字，以致摧毁了自己的后半生。
It's easy to see why many young people of marriageable age choose not to tie the knot. It simply costs too much! Being tied to a payment plan is no one's idea of a good start to any relationship, particularly one that is scheduled to last for the rest of your natural lives. In fact, there's only one thing that costs more than marriage: Divorce.
很多适婚年轻男女选择不结婚其实很好理解，只因婚姻实在成本过高！想到要缩衣节食、量米度日，谁还有心思开展人际交往，更不用说要共度余生了！实际上，世上仅有一件事比结婚成本更高—那就是离婚！
7.Marriage Is Essentially Nothing More Than A Blizzard Of Paperwork
7.除了一纸婚书，婚姻再无意义
Remember when you first decided – or someone decided for you in terms resembling an "offer you couldn't refuse" – that it was time to get married? Remember all of the paper work you had to fill out? Blood tests, marriage license, all sorts of other forms and miscellaneous legal formalities – it's only the tip of the iceberg, friend. Indeed, there is much, much more to come.
还记得什么时候自己第一次觉得该嫁娶妻了吗？还记得哪天别人开始义正言辞得说"你该成家了"吗? 还记得你曾填过的各式文件吗？血液检查、结婚证、各类表格和繁杂法律手续—-这只不过是冰山一角罢了。要知道你（如果结婚）要面对的，远不止这些。
When it's time to fill out all the forms for your newly opened joint bank account, you'll be signing your life – and an inevitably large chunk of your future finances – drearily away. When it's time to fill out all the paper work for your shared health insurance, you'll be sighing away as more precious hours of your life pass by. And there's more, much more, to come.
当你填写新开的联合银行账户表格时，你的生活—未来的大笔财富也同时消失在你的笔尖下。当你签下共享健康保险时，你将感叹美好时光一去不复返。还有太多太多即将发生。
When you really stop to take a good hard look at it all – and we imagine you're doing so now as you read this – you'll realize that the state of being married is essentially a large, formally legal, fiction. Does being married solve all of your intense personal issues, or does it merely create new and less immediately solvable problems?
若你停下来认真审视这一切—设想你现在应该已经这样做了—你会意识到婚姻其实不过是部长篇（合法的）虚幻小说而已。结婚真能解决所有紧张的人际关系吗？还是，它仅仅是制造了新的、不需要马上解决的问题罢了?
Does the fact that the two of you have cosigned a marriage license really make you that much more in love with, and committed to, each other? Whose idea was it to sign this paper, anyhow? Yours? Your spouses? Her parents? Was it peer pressure from your friends or your church? This is a question worth inquiring into.
结婚证真的能够让你们更爱对方或者更忠于对方吗？到底是谁让你们决定领证？你？你老婆？她的父母？你的朋友或教会？这真是个值得探究的问题。
6.Marriage Means Sticking To The Plan – No More Spontaneity
6.婚姻跟着计划走——再无激情
Do you enjoy going crazy on the weekend? Driving up to Brooklyn on a whim and partying with your best friend's brother's cousin's uncle's boss' nephew at a new Italian themed night club that just opened up? If so, plan on never doing so again. You've got a wife to come home to, paper work to fill out, dinner to eat, dishes to clean, television shows to watch, and a full night of doing exactly what you did the previous four nights to look forward to. Sounds great, huh? It's your life when you're married, partner.
你喜欢周末狂欢吗？比如一时兴起直接开车去布鲁克林，在一家新开的意大利主题夜总会和你好朋友的兄弟的表弟的叔叔的老板的侄子开派对？如果你喜欢这样，那就做好与此绝别的打算。你有老婆，得回；你有工作，得做；你有晚饭，得吃；你有盘子，得刷；你有节目，得看；你有一个与前四天如出一辙的夜晚，来期盼。听上去不错是吧？这就是你的婚后生活了，伙计。
Sure, you'll hear about married couples who manage to keep the "spontaneity" alive in their marriage. These are Fortune 500 execs and hotel heiresses who can afford to fly (frequently separately) to any breezy location in the world that they please. The rest of us don't have it so good. Spontaneity is a dead letter in a middle class marriage. What truly prevails is routine, and the desperate need to play things safely so as not to introduce some new and terrifying pretense for misunderstanding and resultant bickering.
当然，你会听说有些已婚夫妇在婚后依旧充满"激情"。世界五百强的老板们或者酒店继承者们完全可以如其所愿地（经常是兵分两路地）飞到世界上任何一个如沐春风的地方，而我们却不能。所谓激情对中产阶级夫妇来说一纸空文，实际上一切仍按照既有路线发生着，即便分开玩也要玩得小心翼翼，避免出现新情况，还要谨慎伪装自己，以免引起误会最终导致争吵。
If you have children, you can count on the drudgery to become even worse. You can't have a babysitter in every night if you expect to actually get to know your children. And, for obvious reasons, you can't be partying on the other side of town when they are going through their first few pivotal life events. While witnessing these events is certainly a rewarding experience, the monotony that surrounds them may prove unendurable.
如果家中有孩子，那就视自己如苦工并接受更悲惨的生活吧。你要是想真正了解自己的孩子，就不能天天晚上请保姆。而另个显而易见的理由，你不能因为在城市的另一头开派对而错过孩子生命中至关重要的第一次。纵然看着孩子的这些第一次弥足珍贵，但围绕在周身的枯燥恐怕依旧难以忍耐。
评论
打印
