“A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil.”
Victor Hugo

“Do not offer a compliment and ask a favor at the same time. A compliment that is charged for is not valuable.”
Mark Twain

Compliments.

Some are sincere. Some are quite the opposite.

Some like to get them. Some feel a little uneasy and self-conscious about them.

And from time to time I think to myself that there is too few of them. They are underused and underrated and are often forgotten amongst gossip, negative self-talk and complaints about the boss, the job, the weather and milk prices.

Negative observations about reality are plentiful. Positive observations are much fewer.

So, here are 5 compelling reasons why it’s a good choice to use more genuine compliments in your day to day life. And a bit further down, three tips on how to give them.

1. You can make someone’s day. That’s a nice thing to do.
2. Increased positivity. Keeping your focus on the positive parts in people expands your own positivity. You’ll notice more positive things about yourself, your own life and other things in your surroundings. What you focus on in your everyday life you’ll see everywhere, not just in other people.
3. You get what you give. Don’t keep this in the forefront of your mind while giving a compliment. It may make the compliment seem insincere and like you are just out to get something from the other person. But still, people often have a strong feeling of wanting to give what they got. Perhaps not right away, but over time reciprocity and a positive relationship can build. And in general, what you give you tend to get back from the world around you.
4. Attractiveness. Positivity, appreciation and being able to genuinely express yourself are three attractive traits both in personal and professional relationships. People tend to want to hang around and work with people that have such traits.
5. It’s fun. :) When you give a genuine compliment you ignite a spark of happy feelings inside of yourself.

Now, here are three tips for sharpening your compliment giving skills.

The compliment has to be genuine.

Otherwise you are just trying to take something from the one you are complimenting. And that will not work so well. Your insincerity will often shine through.

A compliment delivered with positive words but with a body language and voice tonality – the two most important parts of interpersonal communication – that aren’t saying the same thing may often not go over so well. And the rule that you get what you give still applies.

What you feel when you deliver the compliment will come through. So make sure that there is a genuine feeling behind the words.

Cultivate a habit of appreciation.

This will let you discover all the genuinely nice things about people. With this filter closed it will be harder to see the positive things in people and to give compliments that are actually totally genuine. Try to appreciate the things around you - your home, friends, family, co-workers, computer, weather, food etc. - a few minutes a day to build this habit.

Compliment on something the other person feels is important to him/her.

It may be - at least in some cases - a good practise to not compliment on something that the other person doesn’t have much control over. Or something that he or she has been complimented on a thousand times before. Looks and other more superficial stuff are examples of such things.

A compliment that is kinda expected will not be that powerful. And even though your compliment is genuine it may just be lumped together with all those other similar and not so genuine compliments the person has recieved.

Instead, observe what makes this person tick. What are his/her passions, qualities, interests and proudest achievements? What can you genuinely appreciate about those things?

And finally, remember, pretty much no matter what the response is you can still feel good about giving a compliment. As Seneca says in tip # 5: how the other person responds - what s/he says or feels - isn’t your responsibility.

对他人的表扬就好像隔着面纱给他人一个令人温柔舒心的吻—维克多·雨果

在对他人赞美的同时，不要向他人要求施予恩惠。真正的赞美是不需要支付对价的—马克·吐温

有一些赞美和恭维是真心诚意的，而有一些却恰恰相反。

有一些人很乐于接受他人的称赞，而一些人却会感觉到不自在和难为情。

我时常暗自思忖，生活中的赞美与恭维话实在是太少了。它们的价值被低估，未被人们充分利用，而且常常湮没在人们的闲谈之中—像对老板，对工作的抱怨，对天气，牛奶价格行情的讨论。

生活中充斥着往往是大量的消极的言论，一些积极的，正面性的言论却太少。

因此，下面就列出了五个让你由衷的感觉到在日常生活中多说一些真心的赞美话语是一个不错的选择的理由，而且接下来还会有三个关于如何对他人予以真心称赞的建议。

让他人心情愉悦。何乐而不为呢。

对自身的肯定。对他人的肯定其实也会增强对自身的肯定。你会更多的发现存在于自己本身，自己的生活，还有自己周围的一些事物的美好的一面。你在自己的生活中关注的东西，在任何其他地方都会给予同样的关注，不仅仅是在其他人身上。

有给予，才能有收获。在给予他人称赞的时候，脑海中不要闪过这种念头，这会让你的称赞显得不那么真诚，仿佛你要从别人那里索取什么一样。但人们常常会有这样一种倾向，即希望把他们获得的东西同样施予他人。这是事实，尽管这种想法不会立即就付诸实践，但假以时日，一种“友好互惠”的关系就在你和他人之间建立起来了。通常情况下，你给予他人的，也往往可以从你的周边的人那里得到。

增加个人魅力。自信，懂得欣赏他人，真诚的表达自我是在生活和工作当中非常引人注目的三个优点。人们往往喜欢跟具有这些性格特性的人在一起工作。

增添生活乐趣。当你真诚的给予他人赞美话语的时候，你也会在自己的内心激发一阵愉快的情绪。

现在就来给你三点关于如何正确恰当地给予他人称赞的建议。

赞美之辞必须要出于真心。

不然的话你只是出于对他人有所求才给予他人赞美之辞。那样的话你的称赞就达不到你所想要的效果。因为人家很容易就感觉到你言语中毫无诚意。

在讲一些称赞的话语的时候，总会是一些正面的措辞，同时还会伴有肢体语言和声音语调。但是如果你的肢体语言和语调并不显得那么协调的话，那么即使说的是同样的赞美之辞，但却会产生不一样的效果。还是那句话，你给予他人的，他人也会同样给予报答。

当你对人家予以称赞的时候，你的内心感受也会表现在语言之中。所以，要用自己的真心感受去表达对人家的称赞。

培养一种正确欣赏他人的态度。

这会让你发现他人身上所有美好的，值得称道的优点。如果你还不具备这种态度的话，你就会很难看到他人身上正面的东西，也就不能完全真诚地称赞他人。试着去学会欣赏你身旁的一切—你的家，朋友，家人，同事，电脑，天气，食物等等—每天花几分钟来培养这种习惯。

对他人非常看重的东西给予赞美。

也许，至少在一些情况下，最好不要对他人并没有多大支配权的东西，或者已经被其他人称赞过许多次的东西再表示你对它的赞美与欣赏态度。比如说外表或者其他一些比较肤浅的表面化的东西。

在他人预料之中所作出的赞美评价通常不会那么有效果。即使你是发自内心的给予称赞，也会被人家跟另外一些相似的，不那么真心的赞美之辞归于一类。

因此，你要善于观察分析哪些东西是这个人重视或者给予很多关注的。包括他的酷爱，他的出众之处，他的兴趣爱好，或是他引以为豪的成就。你要在哪些方面对他看重的这些东西给予称赞与评价。

最后，你要记住的是，无论你在称赞对方之后得到什么样的回应，你自己的内心都会得到一种满足。就像Seneca在第五条建议中所讲的那样，对方的反应—他或她说什么或者有什么样的感觉—这都不是你所能控制的。