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Our agony uncle returns
本刊的知心大叔回来了
Max Flannel is back to grapple with your workplace headaches.
麦克斯·弗兰内又回来帮大家解决职场麻烦了。
Dear max, I am a 23-year-old social-media marketer who has only recently been required to return to the office.
亲爱的麦克斯，我是一名23岁的社交媒体营销员，最近才被要求回到办公室工作。
I had been told that the office would be great for having watercooler conversations.
有人告诉我，办公室里很适合进行冷水机对话。
My office doesn’t seem to have a watercooler.
但我的办公室里好像没有冷水机。
What should I do?
我该怎么办？
Now you ask, I’m not really even sure what a watercooler is.
对于你这个问题，我想说我甚至不确定什么是冷水机。
But the basic idea is to find a place where you know colleagues are bound to go regularly and where you can engage in light conversation about whether they saw anything good on TV last night.
但大致意思其实是找一个你知道同事一定会经常去的地方，在那里你们可以轻松地闲聊，比如问问他们昨晚在电视上有没有看到什么好看的节目。
My advice is to hang around any tap and you should meet colleagues fairly regularly.
我的建议是，经常在各种水龙头附近闲逛，而且你应该多与同事见面。
I have just been promoted into a senior role.
我刚刚被提拔到高级职位。
I have noticed that many of my new peers like to open meetings with small personal anecdotes about something that happened to them that day—a minor cycling accident, say, or a chance encounter with an old acquaintance.
我注意到，我的许多新同事喜欢在会议开始时讲一些那天发生在他们身上的小故事，比如骑自行车的小事故，或者偶然遇见了一个老熟人。
It seems to be a way of getting people to relax a bit.
这似乎可以让人们放松一点。
The trouble is that nothing interesting ever seems to happen to me.
问题是，在我身上似乎从来没有发生过什么有趣的事情。
What should I do?
我该怎么办？
I wouldn’t worry too much.
我不会太担心的。
Those stories are mostly made-up and all deliberately boring.
这些故事大多是编造的，而且都很无聊。
No executive ever opens a meeting talking about how they woke up in their own clothes but in a total stranger’s apartment.
没有哪位高管在会议开始时会去讲他们是怎样穿着自己的衣服，但在陌生人的公寓里醒过来。
The goal is only to put people at their ease by making the speaker seem faintly human.
这样做的目的只是让讲话人看起来有点人情味，从而让人们感到轻松自在。
Just say exactly what you put in your message above and then make your face go a bit vulnerable.
你只需说出你要传达的信息，然后让你的面部表情看起来比较脆弱就行了。
That should do the trick.
这个办法应该有效。
The meeting rooms in our offices have just been given new and quirky names.
我们办公室的会议室刚刚被取了一些稀奇古怪的名字。
All of them are different kinds of dips.
名字都是各种各样的蘸酱。
I’m typing this in Baba Ghanoush; my next meeting is in Taramasalata.
我现在正在“中东茄子泥”会议室写这封信，我的下一场会议将在“希腊鱼子酱沙拉”会议室举行。
Am I alone in wanting to scream?
我是唯一一个想发出尖叫的人吗？
This is a truly revolting trend.
这真是一种令人反感的潮流。
There are people walking around offices right now saying things like “Focaccia seems to be taken. Is Ciabatta free? ”, “I’m in Ulaanbaatar. Where are you?” and “Let’s set up a projector in Nelson Mandela”.
现在就有人在办公室里一边走来走去，一边说“福卡恰面包好像有人在用了。巧巴达空着吗？”“我在乌兰巴托。你在哪儿？”“我们在纳尔逊·曼德拉架一台投影仪吧”。
You either sound totally idiotic or as if you are suggesting something appalling.
你要么听起来很蠢，要么就像是在暗示一些可怕的事情。
Just describe the room you are referring to: the one where Mandy gave that terrible presentation, say, or the one where absolutely nothing works.
只需要描述一下你所指的房间就行了：比方说，就是曼迪做了一次很烂的展示的那个房间，或者就是那个什么东西都用不了的房间。
I recently had a very disturbing thought.
我最近有一个非常令人不安的想法。
I don’t feel like I am an impostor.
我不觉得我是个冒名顶替者。
Does that mean I actually am one?
这是否意味着我真的就是冒名顶替者？
I’m afraid you have developed non-impostor syndrome.
我觉得你可能得了非冒名顶替者综合症。
Impostor syndrome, the much more common condition, is the worry that you are not good enough to take on certain roles.
冒名顶替者综合症是一种更常见的情况，它是指你担心自己不够优秀，无法承担某些角色。
If you own up to this feeling, you will almost certainly be told that you are way better than the people who blithely hold those roles now.
如果你承认有这种感觉，那么别人肯定会告诉你，你比那些现在安然坐在这些位子上的人要优秀得多。
If you have non-impostor syndrome, you start to wonder whether you are one of the people they mean and therefore deeply incompetent.
如果你患有非冒名顶替者综合症，你就会开始怀疑自己是不是他们所说的那种人，并因此感觉自己非常不胜任自己的角色。
The only known cure for non-impostor syndrome is impostor syndrome.
已知的治疗非冒名顶替者综合症的唯一方法就是患上冒名顶替者综合征。
Whenever I go to the toilets, there’s a new member of staff in there loitering by the washbasins.
每次我去洗手间，总有一个新员工在洗手池边磨磨蹭蹭。
As I am washing my hands, she asks me whether I have seen anything good on television recently.
当我洗手时，她问我最近有没有在电视上看到什么好看的节目。
I have seen her doing the same to other people.
我看见过她向其他人问同样的问题。
Should I report her to HR?
我应该向人事部报告她的古怪行为吗？
I think I know what’s happened here.
我想我知道这是怎么一回事。
Leave this one with me.
让我来解决这件事吧。
I often do Zoom calls from home.
我经常在家里打Zoom电话。
I recently tried out a new artificial-intelligence tool that promises to automatically adjust my surroundings so that my home office looks more professional.
我最近试用了一款新的人工智能工具，它承诺会自动调整我的环境，让我在家里的办公室看起来更专业。
In all the demos, it does things like remove dirty clothes and straighten books on shelves.
在所有的演示视频中，它都会做一些事情，比如移走脏衣服，把书架上的书摆整齐。
But when I try it, it does none of that.
但当我实际用它的时候，完全不起作用。
All it does is remove me from view and fill in the background so it looks like the room is completely empty.
它直接把我从视窗中移走了，然后填充了背景，这样房间看起来就完全是空荡荡的。
What does this mean?
这是什么意思？
I called the people who made this tool and they have never heard of this kind of behaviour before.
我打电话给这个工具的制造商，他们以前从未听说过这种行为。
We have looked at your photo on LinkedIn and we do all agree that the AI seems to be making exactly the right call.
我们看了你在领英上的照片，然后我们都同意人工智能似乎做出了正确的决定。
On the downside, we also seem to be closer to the Singularity.
从不利的一面看，我们似乎也更接近技术奇点了。（注：技术奇点指技术发展到某个阶段，人类文明被完全颠覆，机器智能将无法为人类所理解。）
I can never time my interjections correctly.
我从来都找不准插话的合适时机。
If I try to judge when a speaker is about to stop talking, I either break in too early and end up apologising for interrupting, or am a beat too slow and someone else grabs the floor.
如果我想在讲话者快要讲完的时候作点评，我要么太早插话，最后为打断他而道歉，要么晚了一步，让别人抢了发言权。
Do you have any tips?
你有什么建议吗？
There are only three ways to handle this common problem.
只有三种方法可以解决这个常见的问题。
One is to start so loudly that everyone immediately gives way.
一种是从开始点评的时候就用超大音量，让所有人立刻为你让路。
You may come up against a fellow-shouter and then it’s just a battle of nerves: who is going to give way?
你可能会遇到另一个声音超大的人，那么这就是比胆量了：看看谁会让步？
The second is to raise your hand and wait: you’ll get your turn eventually and be listened to.
第二种方法是举手并等待：最终会轮到你发言的，那时人们会听你的点评。
The third is to get promoted.
第三是让自己升职。
If you are senior enough, it doesn’t matter how ludicrous a point you are making; everyone gives way.
如果你的职位足够高，不管你的观点有多荒唐可笑，大家都会给你让路。
Keep sending me your problems, and enjoy the break!
请继续把你们的问题发送给我，也祝你们假期愉快！
