They also had a basic philosophical difference about whether aesthetic tastes were fundamentally individual, as Redse believed, or universal and could be taught, as Jobs believed. She accused him of being too influenced by the Bauhaus movement. “Steve believed it was our job to teach people aesthetics, to teach people what they should like,” she recalled. “I don’t share that perspective. I believe when we listen deeply, both within ourselves and to each other, we are able to allow what’s innate and true to emerge.”

他们还有一个哲学层面的根本分歧，莱德斯认为审美品位是个人的事情，而乔布斯认为有一个理想的统一的美的标准，人们应该被教育。她说他受包豪斯运动的影响太大。“史蒂夫认为我们应该对大家进行美学教育，告诉人们他们应该喜欢什么，”她回忆说，“我不认同这种想法。我认为如果我们认真地倾听，无论对自己还是对其他人，就可以让我们内心深处真实的东西浮现出来。”

When they were together for a long stretch, things did not work out well. But when they were apart, Jobs would pine for her. Finally, in the summer of 1989, he asked her to marry him. She couldn’t do it. It would drive her crazy, she told friends. She had grown up in a volatile household, and her relationship with Jobs bore too many similarities to that environment. They were opposites who attracted, she said, but the combination was too combustible. “I could not have been a good wife to ‘Steve Jobs,’ the icon,” she later explained. “I would have sucked at it on many levels. In our personal interactions, I couldn’t abide his unkindness. I didn’t want to hurt him, yet I didn’t want to stand by and watch him hurt other people either. It was painful and exhausting.”

如果他们长时间在一起，就相处不好。但当他们分开后，乔布斯又会对她思念不已。最终，1989年的夏天，他向她求婚。而她无法接受。她告诉朋友，那会让她发疯的。她在一个不和睦的家庭长大，而她与乔布斯的关系却与之表现出太多的相似。他们是异质相吸，她说，但是这种组合太易燃了。“对于史蒂夫·乔布斯这样一个标志性人物，我不会是个好妻子，”她后来解释说，“我可能经常会搞砸。在我们相处时，我受不了他的不仁慈。我不想伤害他，但我也不想站在一边看着他伤害别人。那很痛苦，很累。”

After they broke up, Redse helped found OpenMind, a mental health resource network in California. She happened to read in a psychiatric manual about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and decided that Jobs perfectly met the criteria. “It fits so well and explained so much of what we had struggled with, that I realized expecting him to be nicer or less self-centered was like expecting a blind man to see,” she said. “It also explained some of the choices he’d made about his daughter Lisa at that time. I think the issue is empathy—the capacity for empathy is lacking.”

他们分手后，莱德斯帮助建立了OpoiMind网站，这是加利福尼亚一个精神健康资源网络。她碰巧读到了一本关于“自恋人格障碍”的精神病学手册，发现乔布斯完全符合其中的描述。“简直太符合了，充分解释了我们曾经面临的难题，这让我认识到，期待他更友善或别那么以自我为中心，就像期待一个盲人可以看见世界一样。”她说，“这也解释了当时他对他女儿丽萨的一些做法。我想问题出在怜悯心上——他缺失了怜悯的能力。”

Redse later married, had two children, and then divorced. Every now and then Jobs would openly pine for her, even after he was happily married. And when he began his battle with cancer, she got in touch again to give support. She became very emotional whenever she recalled their relationship. “Though our values clashed and made it impossible for us to have the relationship we once hoped for,” she told me, “the care and love I felt for him decades ago has continued.” Similarly, Jobs suddenly started to cry one afternoon as he sat in his living room reminiscing about her. “She was one of the purest people I’ve ever known,” he said, tears rolling down his cheeks. “There was something spiritual about her and spiritual about the connection we had.” He said he always regretted that they could not make it work, and he knew that she had such regrets as well. But it was not meant to be. On that they both agreed.

莱德斯后来结婚了，有了两个孩子，然后离婚了。一直以来，乔布斯都会时不时地公开表达对她的思念，即使是在他幸福地结婚之后。当他开始跟癌症斗争之后，她又跟他恢复了联络，给他支持。每当她回忆起他们的相恋，都会很动情。“虽然我们的价值观有冲突，让我们没办法像曾经希望的那样在一起，”她告诉我，“可我几十年前对他的关心和爱却一直持续下来。”同样，一个下午，乔布斯在他的起居室里回忆起她时，突然哭了起来。“她是我见过的最纯洁的人，”他说着，泪水从他的脸颊滚落，“她身上有种灵魂的力量，我们之间精神相通。”他说他一直很遗憾他们没能走下去，他知道她也同样感到遗憾。但这是命中注定的。他们两人对此亦有共识。