这篇托福题目是:If you could meet a famous entertainer or athlete, who would that be, and why? 如果你可以遇见一位著名的演绎者或者运动员,你想见谁,并且阐述为什么。从题目的理解上,首先要注意关键词,entertainer或者athlete,所以考生把人物选定为singer, dancer, performer, 或者像Kobe Brant, David backham这样的运动明星都是可以的。但不能选定自己的家人或者朋友这样的身边人。
满分作文开篇是这样的:
If given the chance to meet a famous entertainer or athlete, I would definitely choose Norah Jones, winner of 8 Grammy Awards in 2003. 开头简洁,标新立异。首先在选材上,作者没有选用比如迈克杰克逊,乔丹,刘翔这些大家耳熟能详但不够心想的明星,而是举了一个新颖但是同样著名的,曾获8项格莱美大奖的美国爵士歌手,诺拉琼斯,能够吸引考官的眼球,让人眼前一亮,并有兴趣去品读考生自己的理由。在语言组织上,if given the chance to do…I would do 考生一上来就用了一个较有难度的语法点,过去分词做状语。这样的结构比简单的if引导的状语从句更为新颖华丽。考生自己可以利用这样的句型来练习,比如If give the chance to go back to campus, I would put time in its utmost value. 如果给我一个机会回到校园,我会最大限度的利用时间。另外在用词上,definitely这一副词的使用,表明了考生内心的对此题目的自信。这样的开篇清爽自然,毫无赘述,一目了然。
第二段如下:
In the first place, as an amateur in jazz music, I would like to ask her for some tips in jazz performance. Since I first heard her voice over the radio, I have been deeply attracted by her unique voice, a wonderful mixture of ease, leisure, laziness, a bit of everything together. I’ve always been wondering how to effectively convey my feelings through my voice. A talk with Norah Jones might hopefully give me some inkling and teach me how to make my songs sing for my soul. 正文第一句话直接阐述考生的个人理由,as an amateur in jazz music, I would like to ask her for some tips in jazz performance. 也就是想要与诺拉琼斯请教爵士音乐的知识。第一句见主题的方式,让考官能够迅速捕捉考生的思路。接下来娓娓道来为什么希望向诺拉琼斯来请教,因为考生自从从收音机中听到诺拉琼斯的声音,就被她独特的嗓音深深吸引。在这一段中,考生细致的描述充分展现了考生的词汇量。看考生是如何用一系列的排比,一连串的同位语来描述诺拉琼斯独特的嗓音的:a wonderful mixture of ease, leisure, laziness, a bit of everything together.一种混合着放松,闲适,慵懒,没点感觉都有一点点的美妙的结合。这一系列描述真实细腻,仿佛考官也能听到这样的声音。