张真·《流产》
天光晃着晃着
你在那边美丽地形成
唯唯诺诺像一只小鸡
我的小鸡
你幸免灭顶之灾
不将存在的那根脐带
转而使我悲戚
在已臆想好的关系里
母与子
我与你
我已磨好了刀
血在天花板上喷出斑斓花纹
一双细足倒提着
那就是我的爱
你该是金黄色的
辉煌像一只鼎
但也难说你会是漆黑一片
把我的窗户涂没
谢天谢地
为这一次和解我要喝醉
那也是我的恨
我长久地内望子宫
你莫须有的存在
我艰辛地翻山越岭
在睡眠中与你竞走
最终是我得救
如今我为你招魂
用怎样一种语言
你蜷伏我膝头聆听
而我没有任何寓言
你的母亲只有很多秘密
你就是其中一个
现在走在这葬仪的队首
我一身鲜红
为你而执一捧罂粟花如火
你的兄弟姐妹都会被告知
你是长子你先于一切
而且你比谁都美
因此我为你骄傲
回到家中一如既往
蹒跚在窗帘帷幔之间
我思念你不可知的形象
烛火弥漫你奇异的气味
你生来不属于我
出门前对着镜子整装时
却见到你与我同在
Abortion-Zhang Zhen
The light of day is shimmering, shimmering
And there you are, perfectly formed
As meek and docile as a baby bird
My little bird
You narrowly escaped total disaster
But now the umbilical cord that will never exist
Has made me sad
In the imagined relationship
Of mother and son
Myself and you
I had already sharpened the knife
Blood had sprayed gorgeous patterns on the ceiling
A pair of tiny feet hoisted upside down
That was my love
You should have been a golden child
Resplendent as a sacred cauldron
Yet for all I know you could have been a blackness
Blotting out my windows
Thank heavens for this reconciliation
I shall get drunk
That was also my hatred
For a long time I had peered into the womb
At your unnecessary existence
With great difficulty I crossed mountain after mountain
Running a foot-race with you in my sleep
In the end I was all the one to be rescued
Now I call on your soul to return
Whatever language I use
You curl up in my lap to listen
But I have no parables for you
Your mother has only a lot of secrets
And you are one of them
Walking now at the head of the funeral procession
I am dressed all in crimson
Holding poppies for you like flames
Your brother and sisters will all be told
That you were the eldest son, the first,
And were handsomer than any of them
And so I am proud of you
Returning home, I walk haltingly as before
To and fro between draperies and curtains
Longing for your unknown form
Candlelight fills the air with your curious scent
From birth you were destined not to belong to me
But as I stand before the mirror about to leave the house
I see you there with me
(Naikan Tao and Tony Prince 译)