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Li Mi: Memorial Expressing My Feelings
Translated by David R. Knechtges
臣密言：臣以险衅，夙遭闵凶，生孩六月，慈父见背，行年四岁，舅夺母志。祖母刘愍臣孤弱，躬亲抚养。臣少多疾病，九岁不行，零丁孤苦，至于成立。既无叔伯，终鲜兄弟，门衰祚薄，晚有儿息。外无期功强近之亲，内无应门五尺之僮，茕茕孑立，形影相吊。而刘夙婴疾病，常在床蓐，臣侍汤药，未曾废离。
Your servant Mi states: Because of a parlous fate, I early encountered grief and misfortune. When I was an infant of only six months my loving father passed away. When I was four my mother's brother forced my mother to remarry against her will. Grandmother Liu took pity on this weak orphan and personally cared for me. When young, I was often sick, and at nine I could not walk. Solitary and alone I suffered until I reached adulthood. I not only had no uncles, I also had no brothers. Our family was in decline, our blessings were few, and thus only late in life have I had offspring. Outside the household, I have no close relatives whom I can mourn; inside, I have not even a boy servant to watch the gate. All alone I stand, my body and shadow console each other. Grandmother Liu long has been ill and is constantly bedridden. I serve her medicinal brews, and I have never abandoned her or left her side.
逮奉圣朝，沐浴清化。前太守臣逵，察臣孝廉；后刺史臣荣，举臣秀才。臣以供养无主，辞不赴命。诏书特下，拜臣郎中，寻蒙国恩，除臣洗马。猥以微贱，当侍东宫，非臣陨首所能上报。臣具以表闻，辞不就职。诏书切峻，责臣逋慢；郡县逼迫，催臣上道；州司临门，急于星火。臣欲奉诏奔驰，则刘病日笃，欲苟顺私情，则告诉不许。臣之进退，实为狼狈。
When I came into the service of this Sage Dynasty, I bathed in your pure transforming influence. First Governor Kui sponsored me as Filial and Pure. Later Inspector Rong recommended me as a Flourishing Talent. But because there was no one to care for grandmother, I declined and did not take up the appointment. An edict was especially issued appointing me Palace Gentleman. Not long thereafter I received imperial favour and was newly appointed Aide to the Crown Prince. I humbly believe that for a man as lowly and insignificant as I to be deemed worthy of serving in the Eastern Palace is an honour I could never requite you for even by giving my life. I informed you of all the circumstances in a memorial, and I again declined and did not go to my post. Your edict was insistent and stern, accusing me of being dilatory and disrespectful. The commandery and prefectural authorities tried to pressure me and urged me to take the road up to the capital. The local officials approached my door with the speed of shooting stars and fiery sparks. I wanted to comply with your edict and dash off to my post, but Grandmother Liu's illness daily became more grave. I wished temporarily to follow my personal desires, but my pleas was not granted. Whether to serve or retire truly was a great dilemma!
伏惟圣朝以孝治天下，凡在故老，犹蒙矜育，况臣孤苦，特为尤甚。且臣少仕伪朝，历职郎署，本图宦达，不矜名节。今臣亡国贱俘，至微至陋，过蒙拔擢，宠命优渥，岂敢盘桓，有所希冀。但以刘日薄西山，气息奄奄，人命危浅，朝不虑夕。臣无祖母，无以至今日；祖母无臣，无以终余年。母、孙二人，更相为命，是以区区不能废远。臣密今年四十有四，祖母刘今年九十有六，是臣尽节于陛下之日长，报刘之日短也。乌鸟私情，愿乞终养。臣之辛苦，非独蜀之人士及二州牧伯所见明知，皇天后土，实所共鉴。愿陛下矜愍愚诚，听臣微志。庶刘侥幸，保卒余年。臣生当陨首，死当结草。
I humbly believe that this Sage Dynasty governs the empire by means of filial piety, and that all among the aged and elderly still receive compassion and care. How much more needful am I whose solitary suffering has been especially severe! Moreover, when young I served the false dynasty, and I have moved through the various gentleman posts. I originally planned to become illustrious as an official, but I never cared about my reputation and character. Now I am a humble captive of a fallen state. I am utterly insignificant and unimportant, but I have received more promotions than I deserve, and your gracious charge is both liberal and generous. How would I dare demur, with the hope of receiving something better? However, I believe that Grandmother Liu, like the sun going down, is breathing her last breaths. Her life has reached a precarious, delicate stage, and one cannot predict in the morning what will happen in the evening. Without grandmother I would not be alive today. Without me grandmother will not be able to live out her remaining years. Grandmother and grandson have depended upon one another for life. Thus, simply because of my own small, selfish desires I cannot abandon or leave her. I am now in my forty-fourth year, and Grandmother Liu is now ninety-six. Thus, I have a long time in which to fulfill my duty to Your Majesty, and only a short time in which to repay Grandmother Liu for raising me. With all my filial devotion, I beg to be allowed to care for her to her final days. My suffering and misery are not only clearly known by the men of Shu and the governors of the two provinces [of Liang and Yi], they have been perceived by August Heaven and Sovereign Earth. I hope Your Majesty will take pity on my naive sincerity and will grant my humble wish, so that Grandmother Liu will have the good fortune to preserve the remaining years of her life. While I am alive, I shall offer my life in your service. When dead, I shall "knot a clump of grass" for you.
臣不胜犬马怖惧之情，谨拜表以闻。
With unbearable apprehension, like a loyal dog or horse, I respectfully present this memorial to inform you of my feelings.
