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Thus I complied with and encouraged the odd bureaucratic logic of Affirmative Action. I let government officials treat the disadvantaged condition of many Mexican-Americans with my advancement. Each fall my presence was noted by Health, Education and Welfare Department statisticians. As I pursued advanced literary studies and learned the skill of reading Spenser and Wordsworth and Emerson, I would hear myself numbered among the culturally disadvantaged. Still, silent, I didn't object.
因此，我遵从并鼓励平权法案古怪而官僚的逻辑。我让政府官员以我的进步来对待大多数墨西哥裔美国人的弱势状况。每年秋天，我的存在都会引起卫生部、教育部和福利部统计员们的注意。当我致力于高级文学研究并学习斯宾塞、华兹华斯以及爱默生作品的阅读技巧时，我闻知自己被计入文化弱势群体。我依然保持沉默，不予反对。
But the irony cut deep. And guilt would not be evaded by averting my glance when I confronted a face like my own in a crowd. By late 1975, nearing the completion of my graduate studies at Berkeley, I was so wary of the benefits of Affirmative Action that I feared my inevitable success as an applicant for a teaching position. The months of fall—traditionally that time of academic job-searching—passed without my applying to a single school. When one of my professors chanced to learn this in late November, he was astonished, then furious. He yelled at me: Did I think that because I was a minority student jobs would just come looking for me? What was I thinking? Did I realize that he and several other faculty members had already written letters on my behalf? Was I going to start acting like some other minority students he had known? They struggled for success and then when it was almost within reach, grew strangely afraid and let it pass. Was that it? Was I determined to fail?
但是这种讽刺越来越深。当我在人群中面对像我一样的脸庞时，我会转移自己的目光，而这并不能消除我的愧疚感。1975年末，我在加州大学伯克利分校的研究生学习即将结束，我对平权法案所带来的益处十分瞥惕，以至于我害怕自己在申请教师职位时必然会成功。那年秋天的几个月——通常是寻找学术性工作的时期——我并未申请任何一个学校的教师工作。11月末，当我的一位教授偶然知道这件事时，他非常震惊，随之感到愤怒。他朝我大吼：是不是我觉得因为自己是个少数群体的学生，工作就会自己找上门来？我在想什么？我有没有意识到他和其他几个老师已经为我写了推荐信？我要表现得像他所知道的其他少数群体学生一样吗？他们努力奋斗寻求成功，然而却在几乎靠近成功的时候，莫名地害怕，然后让成功溜走。是那样吗？我下定决心要失败吗？
I did not respond to his ques tions. I didn't want to admit to him, and thus to myself, the reason I delayed.
我并未回答他的问题。我不想向他、也不想向自己承认我拖延的理由。
