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"I told Jane the story," he says. "As I spoke, I realized that something was all wrong. I possessed everything I had ever dreamed of, but I felt very sad and hopeless. What was worse, I knew it would never change."
“我告诉了简那个故事，”他说，“我说的时候意识到，这一切都错了，我拥有了想要得到的一切东西，但我却感到非常悲哀和无助。更糟糕的是，我清楚这种状况将无法改变。”
Then in the early 1980s, a doctor friend invited Stan to dinner. The friend said he had been using cocaine as an anti-depressant. He described it as a marvelous nonaddictive drug. Stan decided the drug might be just right for his own depression.
后来，80年代初，一位医生朋友请斯坦吃饭。那位朋友说，他一直使用可卡因作为抗忧郁症的药品，他把可卡因描绘为一种神奇的、不会上瘾的药。斯坦觉得，这种药也许适用于自己的忧郁症。
From the instant I snorted the first line of cocaine, I was addicted, says Stan. "It gave me poise, confidence, happiness—things I had believed money should buy. It made me seem a better person, a better talker, a better dentist."
“从我吸食第一口可卡因开始，我就上瘾了，”斯坦说，“可卡因给我安定、信心和幸福的感觉——这些我原来以为应该用金钱才可以买到。它使得我看起来更优秀，更健谈，医疗技术更高明。”
At first Stan did not believe that he was doing anything wrong: "I thought I had finally found an anti-depressant drug that raised me from my misery. It angered me that such a wonderful drug would continue to be outlawed."
起初，斯坦不相信他在做错事。“我以为终于发现了一种抗忧郁症的药品。它会使我从痛苦中摆脱出来。令我感到气愤的是，这样一种奇妙的药品还被当作违禁品。”
Two years after Stan's introduction to cocaine, his insulation from the world of street addiction was knocked asunder when his physician friend was murdered. A week later, Stan walked out of his dental office and never returned. "At the time, I believed I could not deal with the pressures of my practice, but that wasn't it. I just needed more time for my addiction."
斯坦吸食可卡因两年后，（介绍他吸毒的）医生朋友被谋杀了。从此他和街头的瘾君子之间的隔断被打破了。一个星期以后，斯坦走出他的牙科诊所，再没有回来。“当时，我认为我无法应对来自职业的压力，但是实际上不是这样的。我只是需要更多的时间来满足毒瘾。”
