The problem is that people have never before entered marriage with the high expectations they now hold. Throughout history, the family has been a vital unit for survival, starting as a defense system for physical survival, and gradually becoming a unit for economic survival. Now, of course, the family has become a physical and economic liability rather than an asset. Having met, as a society, the basic survival and security needs, people simply don't need each other anymore to fight Indians or spin yarn — or wash dishes or repair electrical plugs for that matter. The bonds of marriage and family life are no longer ftinctional, but affectional. People used to come to love each other bccause they needed each other. Now it's just the other way around. They need each other because they love each other.
问题是，人们从未像现在这样对婚姻抱如此之高的期望。从古至今，家庭一直是人类赖以生存的单位，开始时是充作维持肉体生存的防守系统，尔后渐渐变成了保障经济上得以生存下去的单位。到了今天，家庭显然已成了物质上、经济上的负担，而不再是可靠保证了。人们作为一个社会，在满足了基本的生存和安全需要之后，相互间完全不再需要去和印第安人作战或纺纱了——进一步而论，也不要洗盘子或修理电插头了。婚姻和家庭生活的纽带，再也不是功能性的，而是情感方面的。过去人们相爱是因为相互需要，现在正好颠倒了过来。人们相互需要是因为相爱。
Listening to the complaints of those recently divorced, one seldom hears of brutality and desertion, but usually something like, "We just don't communicate very well", "The educational differences between us were simply too great to overcome", "I felt trapped in the relationship", "He won’t let me be me", "We don't have much in common anymore". These complaints are interesting, because they reflect high-order discontent resulting from the failure of marriage to meet the great expectations held for it. Couples now expect — and demand — communication and understanding, shared values and goals, intellectual companionship, great moments ofintimacy. By and large, marriage today actually does deliver such moments, but as a result couples have gone on to burden the relationship with even greater demands. To some extent it has been the success of marriage that has created the discontent.
从那些刚离婚的人的怨言中，你很少听到有关虐待和遗弃一类的事，而通常的抱怨大都是:"我们就是不能很好地相互沟通"，"我们所受的教育差距太大，无法克服"，"我感到被我俩的关系束缚住了"，"他不让我实现自我价值"，"我们之间共同的东西不多了"。这些抱怨很有趣，因为它们反映了由于婚姻未能满足早先对它所抱的巨大期望而造成的高层次上的不满。夫妻间现在期望——并要求——交流与理解，共同的价值观念与目标，精神上的相互依托，以及美好的亲近时刻。总的来讲，现今的婚姻确实给夫妻们带来这种时刻，但也正因为如此，夫妻们进而以更高的要求沉重地拖累着婚姻关系。在一定程度上，正是婚姻的成功引起了不满。
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