评论
打印
Cracking CET
在本期四六级考试专栏中，全国四六级考委会的夏国佐教授对读者题为“Recreational activities”的作文进行了讲评和改写。这是2008年6月份的四级作文试题。按照四级作文评分标准，作文部分满分15分，这篇文章得14分。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的点评，请按下面要求写出一篇短文，发到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。
Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled “Recreational activities”. You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below.
1.娱乐活动多种多样。 2.娱乐活动可以使人们受益，也可能带来危害。3.作为大学生，我认为……
读者原文
Recreational activities
Long gone are the days when students came home from school, did their homework, previewed the content of the next day and then went to bed at 9 o’clock. Today, there is a world of recreational activities out there waiting for you, with countless choices from seeing a movie followed up with a romantic dinner with your girlfriend, to just hanging around with your fellows chatting and laughing. And it’s all up to you how to choose from all kinds of activities.
Recreational activities can certainly bring us good, as we all know for sure. With so much pressure upon our shoulders, we definitely need chances to relax. Besides, some recreational activities, say a concert, can broaden our horizons as well as entertain us, which is more than perfect. But every coin has two sides, as the old saying goes. Recreational activities can also bring us harm. Far too addicted to online games, many students failed in their exams and some are even expelled. Furthermore, activities which are not proper for us can also affect us psychologically. Failed to win a battle in the virtual world online, a 14-year-old boy ended up suicide, which is really horrible.
As a college student, I think we should choose our recreational activities properly and have a better control over ourselves, which means we should first of all know what is good for us and what is not, and then avoid getting addicted to it no matter how much we enjoy it. And if we do so, I believe our recreational activities will be more colorful, as well as beneficial.
修改后的文章
Recreational activities
Gone are the days when students came home from school, did their homework, previewed lessons for the next day and then went to bed at 9 o’clock. Today, there is a great variety of recreational activities out there waiting for you, from seeing a movie with your girlfriend and following it up with a romantic dinner to just hanging around with your friends, chatting and laughing. And it’s all up to you what you choose.
Recreational activities can certainly do us good. Facing so much pressure, we students definitely need chances to relax. Besides, some recreational activities, say a concert, can broaden our horizons as well as entertain us. But as the old saying goes, every coin has two sides. Recreational activities can also do us harm. Far too addicted to online games, many students fail in their exams. And some of them are even expelled from school. Furthermore, inappropriate activities can also affect our mental health. Failing to win a battle in the virtual world, a 14-year-old boy ended up committing suicide, which is really horrible.
As a college student, I think we should choose our recreational activities carefully. This means we should first of all know what is good for us and what is not. We should also have self control in order to avoid getting addicted to an activity, no matter how much we enjoy it. If we do so, I believe our recreational activities will bring us benefits and make our life more colorful.
