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网友作文二：
Dear Mr. Simth,
I am writing to invite you to take part in[1] our new product Model 123 printer announcement event, which will be held on the banquet hall of China Grand Hotel.
On[2] the event, the printer's functions will be descibed in detail, and you will have chance to experience yourself on the new product. And there is a cocktail party in the evening. Please pay attention to the following notes:
Place: on the 3rd floor,the banquet hall of China Grand Hotel
Time: 15:00 on July 4, 2008
Would you please fax me a reply before July 2 in case of your seat[3].
Looking farward to your prompt reply and expecting your attendence. [4]
Best regards[5],
Applegreenjh
[1]换成：attend/present 都可以。这个词组一般指群众集会型
[2]During
[3]For reserving/booking.
[4]好句子，回归本色。
[5]Yours faithfully
网友作文三：
Dear Brian,
I represent the D&G Electronics Company in HongKong, and invite you to attend our new product –multifunction watch press, which will be held on Tuesday, 1st July. The latest product of this press is a new-model and unique watch, not as normal as others[1] , whose functions have games ,in particular, mp3 & digital player. We believe such a product would lead another fresh trend in market. If you could present in the press, please fill up the VIP card enclosed by return before Saturday,28th June.
We look forward to your attendance.
Best wishes[2] ,
Jolene
[1]废话，前面用了unique, 这里就不要再用了。
[2]问题同上，格式和称谓。
网友作文四：
Dear Sir or Madam:
We would like to invite you to an exclusive presentation of our new product - duct former machine. The presentation will be held at Hailan Hotel, at Saturday ,on July 12, 2008. There will also be a reception at[1] the same day.
Sanjing Technology Co. Ltd. is a leading producer of high – quality. As you will know, recent technological advances have made increasingly affordable to the public[2] .The presentation will be held from 9:30 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. During that time, we wii show you the advantage of this machine, also show you how to operate the machine .After the presentation, we will arrange the dinner for you[3] .
Please reply the invention until at Tuesday ,on July 8, 2008. We look forward to seeing you at Hailan Hotel on Saturday
Sincerely yours,
Lisa
PR manager
evelinefei@***.com
Enclosure: reception
[1]On
[2]Enjoyed high public awareness.
[3]口语化太明显了。另外信函中的句子很多会使用被动语态的。改为： advantage and operation would be presented and there will be a dinner afterwards.
网友作文五：
Dear Sir[1],
It's very kind for you to read this mail[2].
I'm writting to invite that our company***will hold a ship promulgation meeting at Guomao Hotel at 3:00pm 30th June.We will introduce that our company product---ships,include ship types and specification and analyze the ship development futrue[3].
If we have the honour to take your time, please reply this mail before 28th June.
Thank you very much and best[4] regards.
***CO.LTD
Sales Department
***
[1]补充格式
[2]这句话太谦卑了，没有必要。去掉。
[3]飘红的部分，语法结构有问题，商业信函的特征就是干练，精确，完整，一语中第，如果长句写不好，就放弃，改为短句。Invite you to attend our release conference at .... 第二句：we will launch a new product-- *** ship. 第三句：all the information about the ship such as type, specification, and quality would be presented.
[4]如果这是一封正式的商业信函，如果你不是和对方很熟悉，建议换掉这个结尾吧：sincerely yours 是个不错的选择！
