网友作文一:
TO: ALL STAFF
FROM: MANAGER
SUBJECT: CHANGE THE COMPANY NAME
As you know, (our company has merged last week)[1]. We decide to change the name. [2] From July. 8th the company name changes to MasonGolding.
Please pay attention to use the new name for[3] instead when you have a meeting with client. [4]
Thank you
点评:
[1]这句话明显是中文的痕迹,译成中文,中国人可以理解,外国人肯定不能。
[2]既然并购就意味着要换公司的名字,怎么是we decide?在商务英语的写作中,主语一般都选择客体代词,避免应用主观性很强的句子。
[3]Instead 可以直接放在句尾,不用介词。
[4]这个范围也太有限了,难道只有和客户见面才用新名称么?整句改为:please use the new name officially from then.
网友作文二:
From: P.Jones
To: all the staff
Date: 9/21/2008
Subject: the company name
As our company has just merged with a compatitor[1] to become MasonGolding.We decieded to [2]start using the new name next week[3].Please using[4] the new name next week.If you have any promble,you can come to my office.[5]
Thank you!
点评:
[1]这个就不要提了吧,并购成了一家人,没必要在公司内部的memo中有意提醒。
[2]既然并购就意味着要换公司的名字,怎么是we decide?在商务英语的写作中,主语一般都选择客体代词,避免应用主观性很强的句子。
[3]没有具体日期,你让员工们从什么时候开始用这个新名字?
[4]Use
[5]去掉,这句话是用在信件结尾的,而且,也不能说come to my office. 公司并购,换新名称,理所应当的,去你的办公室做什么?
网友作文三:
From: Office manager
To: All staff
Date: September 20, 2008
Our company has merged with Mason. co recently. [1]The new name " MasonGolding" will take effect on October 1st. Please use the new name in your daily affairs[2] from then on. Thanks for your cooperation.
点评:
[1]开头这句改为分词,following the merger, ....
[2]改为:routine work 或者其他可以表示日常工作的,affairs 一般是指报纸的一周大事记,或者个人事,比如:love affairs 就是桃色事件,第三者插足。
网友作文四:
Memo
From:Sonia
To:All staff
Date:29 september 2008
Re:The changed[1] name of our company
As our company has merged with one of our competiter,[2]the name of our company has changed[3] into MasonGolding. All the staff should use our new name since 1 October, and we can only use the new name after that day
If you have any question, please connect us. [4]
Thank you!
点评:
[1]过去分词作定语或状语都是表示已经结束的动作,如果名字已经改完,就不用有这封memo 了。
[2]改为介词短语after the merger,
[3]时态错误,完成时表示已经了,应该是将来时。
[4]去掉,名字问题毋庸置疑,没有商量。
网友作文五:
As the director board agreed to move toward a merger between our company and Mason, [1] the name of company will be changed. The new name MasonGolding become effective from next month[2].Please be noticed.
点评:
[1]好罗嗦的原因啊,董事会的决定你就不用提了。
[2]太长的时间,也太不具体。