Women who had done amazing things were like, “yeah, I know how to do this little thing,” when in fact they had studied it for, like, ten years and were masters at it.

So, one thing women can struggle to do at times is to make up for that authority gap that we’re missing by actually professing our authority by saying, “Hi, I’m so and so. Here’s my long list of expertise and this is why I’m talking to you.” Right?

To say, “Okay, you may have had a stereotype about me. We’re going to get rid of that right here and now, and I’m going to tell you exactly why I have the authority to be talking to you.”

At the same time, women tend to hesitate to do that.

So, in this case, the fact that they’re just saying, “you should talk to Raven,” without giving you that buildup… I think it’s kind of putting you at a disadvantage.

Raven, how do you introduce yourself when you’re working with new clients? Have you tried what Vanessa’s describing?

I have not, and I’m really intrigued about what that would end up looking like in a conversation – to not come across as arrogant and, Hey, I know you’re new. So let me pile on you how many years I’ve been doing this and how much I know,” and then try to build the relationship, is how I perceive something like that.

So, I’m wondering how you would work that into the conversation and have that dialogue without coming across as arrogant.

That’s exactly why the women in my group hesitated to talk about all their accolades was because they were worried they were going to come across as bragging and arrogant.

Really what people often talk about when we’re judged by other people, we’re judged on two main things: warmth and competence, and women tend to be judged even more on warmth.

So, if we overplay our competence, people think we’re cold and that’s where we come across as arrogant, et cetera.

So, the best way, unfortunately, to sort of counteract that is to couple your expressions of competence with something warm.

So, it could be something like, “I am so excited to work with you because I have worked with so many other clients, I have worked with these big clients,” or whatever it is that sounds really good.

“I have been working in this field for fifteen years or twenty years because I just love it, and so I can’t wait to work with you.”

So, something that says, “look at all this experience I have,” but in this warm, friendly, cooperative sort of way.

How does that land with you, Raven?

I like that. I can do that.

Yeah. I mean, I can even imagine something simple – and Vanessa, tell me if this would work – but even saying, “I’ve been assigned to this project because I’ve done 4,000 just like it. I’m really excited to collaborate with you to get your project done on time and under budget,” or whatever metrics matter to your clients. What do you think of that?

Yeah, I think that would be great.

As you said, you want to know the metrics that matter to them – like what would establish to them that you’re an expert and you put that out there and you just add something that says, “and I’m telling you this so that we can have a great relationship, and so I can be helpful,” and I think that gets that across for sure.