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We need to talk about the empathy gap.
我们谈一谈同理心的差距吧。
So the empathy gap is why we sometimes hate on people on the other end of the political spectrum.
同理心的差距就是为什么我们有时会憎恨选择另一边政治倾向的人。
Or it's why maybe we shrug their shoulders at the problems of those who look different or live different or love different than we do.
或者说，这就是为什么我们会对那些不同的人的问题或生活方式不同或爱的方式不同的人表示不理睬。
It's why we almost certainly aren't doing enough to protect our kids and grandkids from climate change.
这就是为什么我们几乎没有做足够的事情来保护我们的孩子和后辈免受气候变化的影响。
It can just be difficult sometimes to care about people that we don't know or to do right by people who don't even exist yet.
有时要关心陌生人是很困难的，或者为那些甚至还没降临的人做一些事。
But what if I told you that that same empathy gap can also get in the way of us doing right by ourselves in our 20s and beyond?
但是，如果我告诉你，同样的同理心差距也会妨碍我们在20多岁时为自己做正确的事？
And before I go on, let me say that everything I'm about to talk about also applies to all of us out there who are well beyond our 20s.
在我继续讲之前，我想说，我将要谈论的一切也适用于我们所有20多岁的人。
But for a little bit of background, in 2013, I gave a talk about why our twenties matter.
但我要介绍一下背景。在2013年，我做了一个为什么我们的20岁很重要的演讲。
So it's about almost 10 years later.
所以现在差不多是10年之后。
I'm still a clinical psychologist who specializes in 20-somethings.
我仍然是一个专门研究20多岁的人的临床心理学家。
But these days, the 20-somethings I see, they know their 20s matter. So they want to get them right.
但是这些天，我看到的20多岁的人，他们都知道他们的20岁很重要。所以他们想把这些事情做好。
They want to move to the right city. They want to take the right job. They want to find the right partner. They want to have the right answers.
他们想搬到合适的城市，他们想从事合适的工作，他们想找到合适的伴侣，他们希望有正确的答案。
Well, the bad news is there are no right answers.
好吧，坏消息是，没有正确的答案。
There are no right answers for where you should live or where you should work or how you should settle down.
你应该住在哪里，你应该在哪里工作，或者你应该如何定居，都没有正确的答案，或者你应该如何安顿下来。
These are what are called "large world problems" because there are just too many unknowns.
这些都是所谓的“大世界问题”，因为有太多的未知因素。
No app, no algorithm, no enneagram can ever solve these problems or answer these questions for you.
没有任何应用程序，没有任何算法，没有任何九宫格能为你解决这些问题或回答这些问题。
But the good news is, because there are no right answers, there are no wrong answers. There are only your answers.
但好消息是，因为没有正确的答案。也没有错误的答案。只有你的答案。
So your 20s are a great time to listen to and be honest with yourself.
因此，你的20多岁是一个倾听和诚实面对自己的好时机。
They're a great time to have a conversation with your future self.
他们是与未来的自己进行对话的好时机。
So philosopher Derek Parfit said we neglect our future selves because of some sort of failure of belief or imagination.
哲学家帕菲特说，我们忽视了未来的自己，是因为信仰或想象力的崩塌。
So I'm going to say that again, because it's really important: we neglect our future selves because of some sort of failure of belief or imagination.
所以我要再说一遍，因为这真的很重要。我们忽略了未来的自己，因为信仰或想象力的崩溃。
So when you're young, it can be difficult to imagine or believe that you could ever really be 35, especially when most of the influencers you see on Instagram or TikTok are younger than that.
所以当你年轻的时候，你可能很难想象或相信你可能真的到了35岁，特别是当你在Instagram或抖音上看到的大多数有影响力的人都比这个年龄小。
But that's a problem because research shows that our brains think about our future selves similarly to how they think about strangers.
但这是一个问题，因为研究表明，我们的大脑对未来的自己的看法与他们对陌生人的思考方式相似。
And that's where the empathy gap comes in.
这就是同理心差距的来源。
It can be difficult for us to care about a version of ourselves that we haven't met yet.
我们可能很难关心一个我们还没有见过的事情。
Yet research also shows that if we find a way to close that empathy gap between our present selves and our future selves, we start to think more about what we could do now to be kind to ourselves down the line.
然而，研究也表明，如果我们找到一种方法来弥补我们现在的自己和未来的自己之间的同理心差距。我们就会开始更多地考虑我们现在可以做什么来善待未来的自己。
So in one of my favorite studies on this, researchers used virtual reality to show 20-somethings what they would look like when they're old.
因此，在我最喜欢的一项研究中，研究人员利用虚拟现实技术向20多岁的人展示他们年老时的模样。
Scary, I know, but the 20-somethings who saw their age-morphed selves, set aside more money towards retirement than those who didn't.
我知道这很吓人，但那些看到自己年龄变大的20多岁的人。比那些没有看到的人留下更多的钱用于退休后的生活。
So I don't have virtual reality in my office and saving for retirement isn't something that comes up a whole lot.
我的办公室里没有虚拟现实技术，为退休而储蓄并不司空见惯。
But what does come up a whole lot is that about 85 percent of life's most defining moments take place by around age 35.
但是，经常出现的情况是，大约85%的人生最决定性的时刻发生在35岁左右。
So I ask my clients to imagine themselves at age 35 and I ask them to believe in their ability to have created those defining moments.
因此，我要求我的客户想象他们在35岁时的样子，我要求他们相信自己有能力创造这些决定性的时刻。
And then I ask them to get really specific about what they see.
然后我要求他们真正具体地了解他们所看到的一切。
What do I look like, where do I live, what do I do for work?
我看起来像什么，我住在哪里，我做什么工作？
Do I enjoy the work? Is it meaningful? Is it important? Does it pay well?
我喜欢这个工作吗？它有意义吗？它是重要的吗？它的报酬高吗？
Might these things be true one day? Which of these things do I really care about?
这些事情有一天可能是真的吗？这些事情中哪些是我真正关心的？
What about after work? Who do I come home to? Do I have a partner?
下班后呢？我回到家会和谁在一起？我有伴侣吗？
What does that relationship look like? How does it look different or similar to the ones that I saw growing up?
这种关系是什么样子的？它与我成长过程中看到的那些关系有什么不同或相似之处？
Are there kids in the picture? How old was I when I had my first child?
照片中是否有孩子？我有第一个孩子的时候是多大？
How old might I be when that child goes to college or has their own kids?
当那个孩子上大学或有自己的孩子时，我可能是多少岁？
And of course, am I happy, am I healthy? And what exactly do I do or not do that makes me happy and healthy?
我是否快乐，我是否健康？我到底做或不做什么才能让我快乐和健康？
So the idea here is just to try to get to know your future self, because when we spend time connecting with that person,
因此，这里的想法是尝试去了解未来的自己。因为当我们花时间与那之联系时，我们会做
we do some reverse engineering and we start to ask our present self questions about how our present and our future can come together or meet somewhere in the middle, along the way.
我们做一些反向思考，我们开始问我们现在的自己，我们的现在和我们的未来如何，这两者能相遇，或者在中间的某个地方相遇，或者在这一过程中。
We start to ask questions like, "How is everything I think I want going to fit?" or "What does all this mean about what I need to be doing now?"
我们开始问这样的问题，“我如何适应我想要的一切？”或 “这一切意味着我现在需要做什么？”
Or here's one of my favorite questions to ask yourself at any age: "If I'm in a job or a relationship or a situation I would like not to be in in five years, then how much longer am I going to spend on this?"
或者这里有一个我最喜欢的问题，可以在任何年龄段问自己。“如果我处在一个工作、一段关系或一种情况下，我希望在五年内不会出现这种情况，那么我还要花多少时间在这上面？”
So, like I said, many of these are tough questions.
所以，就像我说的，其中许多是艰难的问题。
But 20 years of doing this work has taught me that 20-somethings aren't afraid of being asked the tough questions.
但20年来的工作经验教会了我，20多岁的人并不害怕被问到这些棘手的问题。
What they're really afraid of is not being asked the tough questions.
他们真正害怕的是没有人问他们棘手的问题。
And maybe that's because they've told the world that they're interested in having courageous conversations about race and class and politics and the environment.
也许这是因为他们已经告诉世界他们有兴趣进行勇敢的对话，关于种族、阶级、政治和环境。
And perhaps at any age, one of the most courageous conversations you can have is with your future self. Thank you.
也许在任何年龄段，你可以进行的最有勇气的对话之一是与你未来的自己对话。谢谢你。
Thank you so much, Meg. That was wonderful. I'm glad to be here with you and with all of our members.
非常感谢你，梅格。这真是太好了。我很高兴在这里与你和我们所有的成员在一起。
And I know that your work is with people in their 20s, young adults.
我知道你的工作是针对20多岁的年轻成年人。
But you mentioned in your talk that this is something you can apply at any stage of your life and at any point. It's not just advice that you should use in your 20s, is that right?
但你在你的演讲中提到，这是你可以在生命的任何阶段和任何时候应用的东西，这不仅仅是你在20多岁时应该使用的建议，是这样吗？
Oh, yes. I mean, I think our 20s is when we first start having to sort of figure out, "Oh, there's a future self out there. And I guess I better think about that person."
哦，是的。我的意思是，我认为我们20多岁的时候是我们第一次开始要弄清楚的时候。“哦，有一个未来的自己在那里。我想我最好考虑一下它。”
Because, you know, like, school kind of does it for us, has us plot two or three years in advance.
因为，你知道，就像，学校为我们做的那种。提前两到三年规划。
So our 20s are when we first start to think across those horizons. We get better at it over time.
我们20多岁的时候，我们第一次开始跨越这些视野进行思考。随着时间的推移，我们在这方面会做得更好。
And then in our 30s, 40s, 50s, we have more built-in connections to the future.
然后在我们30多岁、40多岁、50多岁的时候，我们有更多与未来的内在联系。
Like maybe if you have kids, you think, "Hey, I really want to be around when they graduate from college" or whatever the case may be.
比如说，如果你有了孩子，你就会想，“嘿，我真的很喜欢你。你想，”嘿，我真的想在他们大学毕业的时候在他们身边”
So there are there are ways we kind of -- it becomes a little bit more natural the older that you get. But it's always important.
因此，我们有一些方法，你越年长，它就越自然。但这始终是重要的。
I have a couple in my practice right now and they're actually having a conversation with their future relationship, because in about five years,
现在有一对夫妇参与了我的实践，他们实际上正在与未来的自己进行对话。因为再过五年，他们的孩子就要离开这里去上学了。
their kids are going to be leaving for college and they want to be sure they have a marriage they feel good about when the kids are gone. Or if I think about myself, I'm 51.
他们的孩子要去上大学了，他们想确保当孩子们离开时，他们有一个感觉良好的婚姻。当孩子们离开的时候。或者如果我想到我自己，我已经51岁了的时候。
So I'm having a conversation with my future self about, "Hey, you know, what do I want to get out of the years of my career that are just ahead in my 50s and, you know, time's running out. What is it I want to get done?"
我和我未来的自己进行了一次对话“嘿，你知道，我想从我的职业生涯中得到什么？在我50多岁的时候，你知道，人生的时间已经不多了。我想做的是什么呢？”
So I think we're, you know, we always need to be in conversation with our future self.
你知道，我们总是需要与未来的自己对话。
It's just something that's new and usually quite difficult for 20-somethings.
对20多岁的人来说，这只是一些新的东西，通常也是相当困难的。
So I guess one thing I'm curious about is, you know, people have said, "OK, I like this idea of these questions. I want to ask myself these questions."
所以我想我好奇的一件事是，人们说，“好吧，我喜欢这些问题的想法。我想问自己这些问题。”
And they do that. And then what happens? You know, I guess, what do you recommend people do next?
然后他们就这么做了。然后发生了什么？你建议人们接下来做什么？
What is the way that they can sort of take this further to advance themselves and this thinking?
他们可以通过什么方式来进一步推动、来提升自己和这种思维？
Yeah, so, you know, again, it depends on the goal or what ended up happening between you and your future self in this conversation.
是的，这取决于目标或你和你的未来的自己之间最终经历了什么，你和你未来的自己之间的对话。
But I think like most long-form projects, so I would suggest some, you know, pencil and paper, do some math, sort of sketch out some things just to start with.
但我认为就像大多数长篇项目一样。用铅笔和纸，做一些数学运算。勾勒出一些事情，只是为了开始。
And then as you go along, you might realize other things that are important to you down the line that you want to be sure that you get in there and add in there.
然后随着你的进展，你可能会意识到其他重要的事情。你可能会意识到其他对你很重要的事情，你想确保你能完成。
And then I would figure out -- it depends on what it is, but a schedule that works for you, where you check in about your progress on,
然后我会想出 -- 这取决于它是什么。但要有一个适合你的时间表，在那里你要检查你的进展情况。
"Hey, am I being true to myself and to my future self in terms of what I said I was going to start prioritizing more."
“嘿，我是否忠于自己和未来的自己，我说过我要开始更优先考虑的事情。”
So maybe that check-in is once a month. Maybe it's every year on New Year's. Maybe it's your birthday. It really kind of depends.
也许这种反省是一个月一次，也许是在每年的新年，也许是你的生日，这真的有点取决于当时的情况。
But I do think -- I mean, having this conversation one time because you heard my chat today and then dropping it is probably not going to do a lot for you.
但我确实认为 -- 我是说，有一次这样的对话，因为你今天听到了我的谈话，你忘记了它，可能不会对你有很大帮助。
But if it's kind of the beginning of an ongoing conversation with yourself and like with any goal, it's probably something we need to keep circling back around on.
但是，如果它是一种与自己持续对话的开始，和任何目标一样，这可能是我们需要不断反复思考的东西。
"OK? Is this still what I want and how am I doing on this?"
“好吗？这仍然是我想要的，我在这方面做得怎么样？”
It kind of create some accountability.
它创造了一些问责制。
And so for that, that is where I think some people find, I'm going to tell a friend or I'm going to tell my pastor or I'm going to write it in my journal
因此，对于这一点，我认为这就是，有些人说，我要告诉一个朋友，或我要告诉我的牧师，或者我要把它写在我的日记里，
or whatever it is for you to kind of say, this is a goal that I'm going to own and I'm going to keep coming back to it.
或者不管是什么，这是一个我将拥有的目标，我将不断回到这个目标上。
Have some sort of partner, even if that partner is yourself, your future self. Right.
有一个伙伴，即使这个伙伴是你自己，你未来的自己。是的。
Well, Meg, thank you so much for being with us today, for your for your talk and for sharing so much of your wisdom around these questions and your 20s, and so much more. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
好吧，梅格，非常感谢你今天和我们在一起。谢谢你的谈话，谢谢你分享你的许多想法，围绕这些问题和你的20多岁等等，谢谢你。
Yeah, my pleasure. It was really fun.
我的荣幸。这是一次非常有趣的对话。
