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Hey Psych2Go family! If we may ask a personal question: How's your love life?
各位观众，我们能不能问大家一个私人问题：你们的感情生活怎么样？
Are you currently single or perhaps you're looking for a long-term relationship?
大家现在是单身，还是正在寻找一段长期的关系？
Although we hope you found that special someone, we understand that generally, dating isn't easy.
虽然我们希望大家找到了那个特别的人，但我们知道这并不是一件容易的事情。
Do you think you might be hurting your chances at true love?
你是否觉得你可能伤害到找到真爱的机会？
Have you had a long list of failed relationships, but can't seem to figure out where it all went wrong?
你是否有过一长串失败的恋情，但却似乎不知道哪里出了问题？
Well, here are 10 things that might be keeping you from finding relationships that work.
以下是让你恋情失败的10件事。
One: you have cynical views about love.
1. 对爱情持怀疑观点。
What's that saying again? 'Once bitten, twice shy'
老话怎么说来着？‘朝被蛇咬，十年怕井绳’。
It's common for people who have been stung by love before to stop believing in the magic of romance.
以前被爱情刺过的人不再相信浪漫的魔力是很正常的。
You have every right to grieve, feel hurt, and learn from the experience,
你有权利悲伤，感到受伤，并从中吸取教训，
but being stuck in your negative ways and dwelling on your pain, resentment, and regret
受困于你的消极方式，纠结于你的痛苦、怨恨和后悔
is only going close you off from new opportunities to find the one who truly loves you for who you are.
只会让你失去寻找真正爱你的人的机会。
Two: you set unrealistic standards.
2. 设定不现实的标准。
Nowadays, we see so many pictures and posts online about couples who are #relationshipgoals,
我们能够在网上看到很多情侣恋爱目标的照片和帖子，
that it may start to cloud your judgment and give you unrealistically high standards.
这可能会模糊你的判断，给你不切实际的高标准。
You might turn down great dating prospects or throw away a special connection you have with someone
你可能会拒绝很棒的约会请求，或放弃你和某人之间的特殊关系，
just because it wasn't everything you hoped it would be.
仅仅因为这个你所期待的不一样。
But the truth is, sometimes relationships are more about being the right person than finding the right person.
但事实是，有时恋爱更重要的是成为对的人，而不是找到那个人。
Three: you've set too many dealbreakers.
3. 你设置了太多的阻碍条件。
You have standards? You know what you want, and that's a good thing!
你有自己的标准？你知道自己想要什么？这是一件好事！
But expecting too much of your potential partners too fast sets the scene for failure and disappointment.
但对潜在伴侣期望太多太快会导致失败和失望。
Are you so quick to call it quits and run away at the first sign of imperfection? Just as you deserve a fair chance, so do they.
你会这么快就放弃了，一看到不完美的迹象就跑掉了吗？你和对方都值得一个公平的机会。
In the end, relationships take time and effort, and sometimes those flaws make this person uniquely tailored for your relationship.
最后，恋爱需要时间和努力，有时那些缺点会让这个人特别适合。
It's in the complete acceptance of an imperfect person that we find the kind of love that's meant to last.
只有完全接受一个不完美的人，我们才能找到持久的爱。
Four: you have unresolved past trauma.
4. 你有未解决的旧伤。
Whether it's a messy breakup, a toxic relationship, or an unhappy childhood,
不论是糟糕的分手、有毒的恋爱关系还是一段不愉快的童年，
your past can leave you with loads of painful memories and emotional scars that you often never really get over.
你的过去会给你留下大量痛苦的回忆和情感创伤，通常一辈子都无法遗忘。
You end up carrying that trauma with you throughout your life unknowingly allowing it to ruin your relationships.
你终其一生都带着创伤，却不知不觉地让它毁了你的关系。
Resolution, acceptance, and being at peace with your past will not only negate most of the detrimental effects,
决心、接受、与过去和平相处不仅会抵消大部分不利影响
but also help you be a better partner, giving the relationship its best chance to stand the test of time.
还能帮助你成为一个更好的伴侣，给这段关系最好的机会经受住时间的考验。
Five: you have low self-esteem.
5. 低自尊。
I know you've heard the quote: 'You can't love someone else until you learn to love yourself first.'
大家应该听过这么一句话：‘在你学会爱自己之前，你无法去爱别人。’
When you suffer from low self esteem, you tend to lose yourself in your partner.
当你出现低自尊，你往往会在伴侣身上迷失自我。
Instead of developing your own sense of self, your partner is used as a substitute.
你的伴侣被当作替代品，而不是发展你的自我意识。
Since you feel like you're unworthy of their love, you constantly worry that they'll eventually realize that and leave.
由于你觉得自己不值得他们的爱，所以你总担心他们最终会意识到这一点并离去。
The insecurity makes this a self-fulfilling prophecy. There are things like misinterpreting small actions,
这种不安全感使这成为一种自我实现的预言。有些事情包括误解小行为，
catastrophizing, and constantly suspecting your partner of things. This can be exhausting for the other person and for you.
小题大做，以及经常怀疑你的伴侣。这对她和你来说，都会让人疲惫。
Six: you have a fear of happiness.
6. 害怕快乐。
Hey, don't laugh. You know how it sounds, why would anyone fear being happy?
不要笑。为什么会有人害怕快乐？
We humans are strange creatures and this indeed is something that happens, even though most of us aren't aware of it.
人类是奇怪的生物，这确实时有发生，即使我们大部分人都没意识到这一点。
Are you afraid of what would happen if you ever did find the one? So afraid that it leads you to sabotaging your own relationships?
你害怕如果你真的找到了那个人会发生什么吗？所以这种害怕阻碍了你自己的恋爱？
Do you push people away before they can get too close to you because having an honest emotional connection with someone scares you?
你是否会在别人靠近你之前就把他们推开，因为和别人有一种真诚的情感联系让你害怕？
You try not to get too attached and suppress your desire for connection
你尽量不要太依赖对方，并压抑自己的联系欲望，
so much so that others may misunderstand and think you're inconsiderate, inconsistent, and not at all interested.
以免别人误解你，认为你不体贴、不可信，且毫无兴趣。
Seven: you have trust issues.
7. 你有信任问题。
Do you feel jealous about your partner being close with other people?
你是否嫉妒你的伴侣和其他人走得很近？
Does it make you uncomfortable to think of them going out without you?
想到他们出去玩不带你，你会难受？
Do you need to read their messages and know where they are all the time just to feel secure?
你需要读他们的短信，并随时了解他们在哪才能感到安全吗？
Sad to say, nothing dooms a relationship faster than a lack of mutual trust.
没有什么比缺乏信任更能摧毁一段感情的了。
Behaving like you don't trust them will cause your partner to grow resentful of you over time.
不信任对方的行为会导致你的伴侣对你日益憎恨。
No one likes being constantly controlled and under suspicion
没人喜欢被控制和被怀疑。
Eight: you think you will lose your independence by being in a relationship
8. 你认为恋爱会让你失去独立性。
The rom-com movies always say, 'You complete me,' which isn't the healthiest of messages.
浪漫喜剧电影总说，‘你使我完整’，这并不是最健康的信息。
Perhaps, you subconsciously fear commitment because you think you'll lose your independence or freedom when you do find a relationship.
或许你在潜意识里害怕承诺，因为你认为恋爱会让你失去独立或自由。
The truth is the opposite. Remember this: In a healthy relationship, you should never have to sacrifice your personality,
事实正好相反。要记住：在一段健康的关系中，你绝不应该牺牲自己的个性、
your independence, or who you are for a romantic partner. The hallmark of every strong,
独立性或真实的自己。每一段强健、
enduring relationship is learning to maintain your independence, while still being happily committed to someone.
持续恋爱的特点是学者保持自己的独立性，同时乐于对某人做出承诺。
Nine: you want someone you can't or shouldn't
9. 爱一个不能或不应该爱的人。
Most of us are guilty of liking somebody against our better judgments. Probably even more than once.
我们大多数人会因为喜欢别人而违背了自己更好的判断而感到内疚。这种情况不止一次。
Whether it's because they're already taken or emotionally unavailable, it's easy to fall in love with the wrong people.
不论是对方已经不是单身或者对方不喜欢你，很容易就爱上了错的人。
Obsessing over the forbidden fruit closes off your ability to consider the more compatible and better-suited people for you.
沉迷于禁果会扼杀你去寻找更适合你的人的能力。
And...Ten: you don't learn from your mistakes
10. 没有吸取教训。
We all make mistakes. We're only human, but what mistakes have you made in your past relationships? And what have you learned from them?
我们都会犯错误。我们只是普通人，但你在以前的恋爱中犯过什么错误？你从中学到了什么？
What's changed about you and how you look at things because of your mistakes?
你有了什么改变，因为你的错误，你对事物的看法发生了什么变化？
If you don't know, or believe you've never done anything wrong, this may be the most detrimental factor to your ability to find a lasting relationship.
如果你不知道，或者认为你没有错，那么这可能是最不利于你找到持久恋爱的因素。
Mistakes allow us to learn, grow, and be better the next time around. If there's no learning, the same mistakes occur, and the cycle is endless.
错误让我们学习成长为更好的人。如果没有吸取教训，那么还会犯同样的错误，这就是一个无止的循环。
A relationship takes more than one person. Luckily enough, one of those people is you!
一段关系需要不止一个人。幸运的是，你就是其中之一！
How do you think you're doing? What went sideways in previous relationships?
你觉得自己做的怎么样？前一段感情中发生了什么？
Do you relate to any of these signs in this video or perhaps you see a friend who has these signs?
你或你的朋友有以上迹象吗？
Knowing the answers to these goes a long way to helping you on your quest for love. We hope you enjoyed this video!
知道这些问题的答案对你寻找爱大有帮助。希望大家喜欢本期视频！
What do you want to watch from us next? Let us know in the comments below.
下一期大家想看什么？请在下方评论告知。
Don't forget to like and share this video, and subscribe to Psych2go for more psychology content!
不要忘记点赞并分享本期视频，订阅我们频道获取更多心理学内容！
We'll catch you in the next one. Thanks for watching!
我们下期见。感谢收看！
