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Hi, everyone. Thank you, Roots. Thank you for tuning into The Tonight Show. My name is Jimmy Fallon.
各位，你们好，谢谢大家，感谢紫金乐队。谢谢大家收看今晚的节目。我是吉米。
Welcome, welcome, welcome. Let's get to the news and jokes. Well, guys, the Democratic National Convention is in full swing,
欢迎，欢迎，欢迎。我们来看看新闻和笑话吧。各位，民主党全国代表大会正在如火如荼地举行，
and last night, Joe Biden became the official nominee. Check out the moment it happened.
昨晚，拜登成为正式提名人。看看当时的场景。
All right. Hey, guys. How are you? Oh, yeah. Party at the library!
大家好，你们好吗？耶耶，图书馆里的聚会！
Everybody knows Tuesday nights at the library is where it's at.
所有人都知道每周二晚上的图书馆聚会很精彩。
Ten seconds later, an old librarian marched over and was like, In what world did you think that was okay?
十秒钟后，一个老图书管理员走过来，问他，你觉得在什么世界里这样做是可以的？
Yeah, they popped streamers and blasted Kool & the Gang. It felt less like a nomination and more like an awkward bar mitzvah.
是啊，他们弹出彩带，还吹奏库尔伙伴合唱团的歌曲，这感觉不像提名，更像是尴尬的受诫礼。
I feel bad for Biden. The guy has been in public office for 50 years and he finally wins the Democratic nomination
我为拜登感到难过。这家伙在公职上干了50年，终于赢得了民主党的提名，
and then has to celebrate in the back of an abandoned library.
然后在一个废弃的图书馆后面庆祝。
Meanwhile, when he saw Biden at the library, Trump was like, What is that place?
与此同时，当他在图书馆看到拜登时，特朗普就想，那是什么地方？
What are those colorful paper bricks on the shelves?
架子上那些五颜六色的纸砖是什么？
Is that 'Narnia'? That's right, Biden accepting the nomination was a big highlight from last night.
那是“纳尼亚传奇”吗？没错，拜登接受提名是昨晚的一大亮点。
Along with a moving speech from his wife, Dr. Jill Biden, and of course there was nothing more beautiful than the roll call.
伴随着他的妻子，吉尔·拜登博士的感人演讲，当然没有比点名更美妙的了。
And this guy in particular was especially touching. Rhode Island. Rhode Island, the Ocean State,
尤其是这个人特别感人。罗德岛。罗得岛，海洋之州，
where our restaurant and fishing industry have been decimated by this pandemic, are lucky to have a governor, Gina Raimondo,
该州的餐馆和渔业被疫情会毁掉了，但幸运的是，该州有吉娜·雷蒙多当州长。
whose program lets our fishermen sell their catches directly to the public, and our state appetizer, calamari, is available in all 50 states.
他们的计划让我们的渔民直接向公众出售他们的渔获物，我们的州开胃菜，炸鱿鱼圈，在所有50个州都有售。
The calamari comeback state of Rhode Island casts one vote for Bernie Sanders and 34 votes for the next president, Joe Biden.
有“炸鱿鱼圈流行州”美名的罗德岛曾为桑德斯投过一次票，为下一届总统拜登投过34次票。
Yeah! It turns out that's not all he had to say. Check out his extended remarks.
是啊！结果他说的还不止这些。看看他的长篇大论。
Rhode Island, which as we all know everyone calls the calamari comeback state, is proud to cast its vote for Joe Biden.
我们都知道，罗德岛，这个大家都称之为“炸鱿鱼圈流行州”，很自豪地把选票投给了乔·拜登。
I'm voting for Joe because Trump has had four years as President, as I haven't seen him eat calamari once.
我投拜登的票是因为特朗普已经当了四年总统，因为我从没见过他吃过一次炸鱿鱼圈。
And that is unacceptable. Joe, meanwhile, seems like the kind of guy who eats nothing but calamari, like me.
这是无法忍受的，但同时拜登，似乎只吃炸鱿鱼圈，就像我一样。
I eat calamari for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. There ain't nothing better in this world than having morning coffee
我是早中晚三餐都吃炸鱿鱼圈，世界上没有什么比早上喝咖啡，
while enjoying some microwaved calamari at 7:00 A.M. Here are the issues that are important to me.
同时早上七点享受微波炉炸鱿鱼圈更美好的事情了，下面是我认为很重要的问题。
Number one, does the president eat calamari?
第一，总统吃炸鱿鱼圈吗？
And number two, that's it. Calamari is the most perfect food in existence.
第二，就是这样。炸鱿鱼圈是现存最完美的食物。
It tastes like rubbery chicken circles that you left out in the rain.
它尝起来像是你在雨中留下的橡胶鸡肉圈。
And we need a president that brings that rubbery, chickeny, left-out-in-the-rainy spirit to the White House.
我们需要一位可以将橡胶的，鸡肉的，遗留在雨中的这种精神带到白宫。
Joe Biden supports all calamari, the circle kind, and the squiggly, tentacle-y kind that are often sadly overlooked.
拜登支持所有的炸鱿鱼圈，圆形的，还有蠕动的，触角状的，这些经常被不幸忽视的种类。
When Joe Biden is sworn into office, I want his hand to be placed on this here plate of calamari,
当拜登宣誓就职时，我希望他的手放在这个炸鱿鱼圈的盘子上，
and for him to promise to protect calamari with all his might from our many enemies that want to steal our nation's most precious resource, calamari.
他承诺尽全力保护炸鱿鱼圈，不让我们的敌人窃取我们国家最宝贵的资源，炸鱿鱼圈。
President Trump, if you really care about Rhode Island, I challenge you to eat a plate of calamari the Rhode Island way...
特朗普总统，如果你真的关心罗德岛，我挑战你吃一盘罗得岛的炸鱿鱼圈...
on a paper plate, slathered in garlic and parsley with hot cherry peppers on top.
在一个纸盘子里，涂上大蒜和欧芹，上面放上红樱桃辣椒。
This is the only way you can prove to the people of Rhode Island that you are fit to be president.
这是你向罗德岛人民证明你适合当总统的唯一途径。
One vote for Bernie, one vote Biden, 34 votes for our next president, this tray of calamari.
一票支持伯尼，一票拜登，34票支持下一任总统，这盘炸鱿鱼圈。
