A year ago I was myself intensely miserable, because I thought I had made a mistake in entering the ministry:
“一年之前,我也极其痛苦,觉得当牧师是一大错误。
its uniform duties wearied me to death.
它千篇一律的职责乏味得要死。
I burnt for the more active life of the world -- for the more exciting toils of a literary career --
我热烈向往世间更活跃的生活—一向往文学经历更激动人心的劳作
for the destiny of an artist, author, orator;
一—向往艺术家、作家、演说家的命运,
anything rather than that of a priest: yes, the heart of a politician, of a soldier,
只要不当牧师,随便当什么都可以:是的,一个政治家、一个士兵、
of a votary of glory, a lover of renown, a luster after power, beat under my curate's surplice.
一个光荣事业的献身者、一个沽名钓誉者、一个权力欲很强的人的一颗心,在牧师的法衣下跳动。
I considered; my life was so wretched, it must be changed, or I must die.
我认为我的生活是悲惨的,必须加以改变,否则我得死去。
After a season of darkness and struggling, light broke and relief fell:
经过一段黑暗和挣扎的时期,光明到来,宽慰降临。
my cramped existence all at once spread out to a plain without bounds --
我那原先狭窄的生活,突然间扩展到一望无垠的平原—一
my powers heard a call from heaven to rise, gather their full strength, spread their wings, and mount beyond ken.
我的能力听到了上天的召唤,起来,全力以赴,张开翅膀,任意飞翔。
God had an errand for me; to bear which afar, to deliver it well, skill and strength, courage and eloquence,
上帝赐予我一项使命,要做到底做得好,技巧和力量、勇气和雄辩等
the best qualifications of soldier, statesman, and orator, were all needed: for these all centre in the good missionary.
士兵、政治家、演说家的最好质都是必不可少的,因为一个出色的传教士都集这些于一身。
"A missionary I resolved to be.
“我决心当个传教士。
From that moment my state of mind changed;
从那一刻起我的心态起了变化,
the fetters dissolved and dropped from every faculty, leaving nothing of bondage but its galling soreness -- which time only can heal.
镣铐熔化了,纷纷脱离我的官能,留下的不是羁绊而是擦伤的疼痛—一那只有时间才能治愈。
My father, indeed, imposed the determination, but since his death, I have not a legitimate obstacle to contend with;
其实我父亲反对我的决定,但自他去世以后,我已没有合法的障碍需要排除。
some affairs settled, a successor for Morton provided, an entanglement or two of the feelings broken through or cut asunder --
一些事务已经妥善处理,莫尔顿的后继者也已经找到。
a last conflict with human weakness, in which I know I shall overcome,
一两桩感情纠葛已经冲破或者割断——这是与人类弱点的最后斗争,
because I have vowed that I will overcome -- and I leave Europe for the East."
我知道我能克服,因为我发誓我一定要克服它——我离开欧洲去东方。”