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Balaba balaba balaba balaba balaba balaba Jimmy Kimmel Live.
巴拉巴 巴拉巴 巴拉巴 巴拉巴 巴拉巴 巴拉巴 吉米鸡毛秀
Hello fellow. Corner teenagers and historians from the future looking back to see where it all went wrong. I'm Jimmy Kimmel.
哈喽朋友们 未来的街头少年和历史学家们正回顾过去看看是哪里出幺蛾子了 我是吉米·坎摩尔
On day 14, a day that was supposed to be opening day for baseball, but that is obviously postponed.
第14天 本来这一天是棒球的开幕日 但显然是被延期了
Wearing my cap, my shirt. Fans have had to adjust. Players have had to adjust.
戴上我的鸭舌帽 穿上我的衬衫 球迷们得调整调整 运动员们也要调整调整
The Houston Astros were forced to steal signals from home today. It's probably for the best.
休斯顿太空人队今天被迫在家里偷信号 这样最好不过了
I don't know that I could handle the coronavirus and the Mets at the same time.
我不知道自己有没有能力同时应付冠状病毒和大都会棒球队
But it is in times like these that we remember who the real heroes are.
但是 只有在这种时候 我们才能记住谁才是真正的英雄
And this is from Atlanta. Every night the hospital workers in neighborhood do a shift change.
这段视频拍摄在亚特兰大 每晚附近的医院工作人员换班的时候
The locals who are holed up in their apartments have been showing their appreciation for their work.
那些隔离在家的当地人对他们的工作表示感谢
I love that. That's great.
我很欣赏这个举动 很棒
The you know these people are risking their lives to save ours.
这些人正冒着自己生命的危险来拯救我们的生命
And please make sure to thank them. Help them with supplies if you can't support them in any way possible.
所以一定要感谢他们 如果你没有其他可能为他们提供支持的办法 那就为他们提供物资吧
We're all trying our best to fill our days and nights right now.
我们现在都在尽最大努力来充实自己的白天和黑夜
But that could be especially challenging when you have kids.
不过这对有孩子的家庭来说极具挑战性
One of the writers on my show guy named Jesse.
我们节目组有一个编剧叫杰西
Jesse and his son to pass the time have been reading the Where's Waldo books which are fun.
杰西和他儿子一直在看《瓦尔多在哪里》这类有趣的书来打发时间
You know they probably never bothered anyone ever until now. Because the Where's Waldo books are a social distancing nightmare.
直到现在他们都没有打扰到任何人 因为《瓦尔多在哪里》是一场远离社会的噩梦
I mean look at this. This is Waldo's trip to the beach.
看看这个 这是瓦尔多的海滩之旅
Jesse said he took a look at all these cartoon people crowded together and became immediately enraged.
杰西说他看到这么多卡通人物全都挤在一起 当时就暴怒了
And then you turn the page and look where he is now. On a cruise ship.
然后 翻过这一页 看看他现在在哪里 在一艘游轮上
What is wrong with Waldo? And that's the last place he should be.
瓦尔多咋了 这是他最不应该待的地方
Looking and look at the people. Look at this sai...this sailor has obviously been stricken by the virus.
看看这些个人 看看这名水手 他显然正处于病毒感染状态
And then I guess Waldo makes it off the ship alive.
我猜瓦尔多大概是活着下了游轮吧
But guess where he goes. Directly to the airport.
但是猜猜他去哪儿了 直奔机场
And as if this wasn't already nightmarish enough.
好像这还不够可怕
Guess who they found angrily waiting for his luggage at baggage claim.
猜猜他们发现了谁 在行李认领处气冲冲地等待他的行李
That's right, Hitler, Adolf Hitler who the CDC recommends you stay at least eight feet away from.
没错 是希特勒 阿道夫·希特勒 疾控中心建议你要跟他保持至少八英尺(约2.5米)的距离
Anyway, my point is: you answered the question "Where's Waldo?" should be in the house on the couch. Okay.
不管怎样 我的观点是：你应该在自家沙发上回答“沃尔多在哪儿”这个问题 好吧
You know, if you've been watching these videos I've been making every night,
如果你一直在看我每晚制作的这些视频
you know that I've been encouraging those with creative ideas to pass the time, to send us your videos with the hashtag "quarrentimekiller".
你就知道我一直鼓励大家拿出自己的创意来打发时间 把你们的创意视频发给我 标签是“夸伦时间杀手”
And we began some great stuff from all over the world in fact.
其实我们从世界各地搜集了一些很棒的作品
and it's time now to share some of that great stuff with the "quarrentimekiller of the night".
现在是时候分享来自“黑夜篇夸伦时间杀手”标签下的优秀作品了
Very well done. Imagine having to go to the hospital right now for that.
非常不错 现在该去医院了
We wait you were doing what?
等等 你到底是在干嘛
Meanwhile in Italy things are improving, but they're still locked down.
与此同时 意大利的情况有所好转 不过依旧处于封锁状态
They are not however letting that get in the way of one of their most cherished traditions.
然而 隔离依旧阻挡不了他们例行传统的步伐
This is video of an Italian gentleman who despite the order to stay home went out for his morning coffee anyway.
这段视频拍摄的是一位意大利绅士 他无视“在家隔离”的禁令 早上坚持要出去喝咖啡
I guess what? They still spelled his name wrong.
我猜什么？他们把他的名字也拼错了
Back here at home, our meatball of a president is pushing back against reports that he's going stir-crazy.
回到国内 我们的总统正发射肉丸来反击那些说他疯了的报道
He wrote: I hear that fake news CNN just reported that I am isolated in the white house, wondering out loud," When will life returned to normal?"
他写道：我听说CNN刚刚报道了我被隔离在白宫的假新闻，我大声问一下：“生活什么时候才能恢复正常啊？”
Does anybody really believe that?
真的有人相信吗？
I do. Yes. Of course he wants this thing over.
我相信 是的 他当然想结束这一切
The only thing he liked about being president was doing his half-cocked stand-up routine in monster-truck venues.
作为总统 他唯一喜欢做的事情就是在怪物卡车上唱自己半吊子的单口相声
He went on to tweet: ……I have been packed all day with meetings, I have no time for stupidity.
他在推特上写道：……我整天都在参加会议 哪里有时间做蠢事
Well you know what that is not? That's not nice poor Eric. All he wanted to do was check in on dad.
好吧 你知道那不是什么吗 那不是善良的可怜的埃里克 他只想去看看爸爸
We may be running low on mass. But there are plenty of tinfoil hats to go around right now.
我们的质量可能跟不上了 但现在有很多锡箔帽可供选择
There's a far-right conspiracy circulating that claims Dr. Anthony Fauci has been secretly plotting with Hillary Clinton to destroy the economy and undermine the Trump presidency.
有一个极右阴谋正在流传 称安东尼·福奇博士一直在与希拉里·克林顿密谋搞垮经济 破坏特朗普的总统任期
That's right. Maybe the virus came from Hillary's computer.
没错 病毒的传染源可能是希拉里的电脑
Anyone who's ever read a book is trying to undermine Trump's presidency.
稍微有点儿文化的人都想破坏特朗普的总统任期
Although I can see why people might suspect Hillary Clinton. You know she did our quarantining in the woods a very long time ago.
其实我能理解为什么希拉里·克林顿会被怀疑 因为她很久之前就开始在树林里隔离我们了
