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The Oscars happened last night.
奥斯卡颁奖典礼于昨晚举行
All the stars were aligned on the red carpet.
所有明星都排成一排站在红毯上
And once again who was there to realign them?
再说一遍 是谁对他们进行了重组
None other than our Amigo Guillermo, who filed this report.
不是别人 正是我们的吉列尔莫 他递交了这份报告
Hi, it's me Guillermo. I'm here at the Oscars. And it's time to go bananas with Don Julio 1942.
嗨 是我吉列尔莫 我现在在奥斯卡现场 是时候进行香蕉龙舌兰1942了
Hi, how are you?
嗨 你好
Hi, Guillermo.
嗨 吉列尔莫
How are you doing?
你还好吗
I'm good. How are you?
我很好 你呢
You look beautiful.
你太美了
Thank you.
谢谢
Are you happy for white people this year?
你为今年的白人高兴吗
Happy for white people?
为白人高兴？
Yeah. They're all nominated. It seems like this is the year.
是的 他们都被提名了 好像就是今年
It's their year every year. Right?
每年都是他们 对吧？
Most of the time.
大都是吧
Yeah, most of the time.
是的 大都是
Is Hitler cool?
希特勒酷吗
No.
不酷
No?
不酷吗？
He's an absolute psycho.
他就是个大疯子
Hi, Al Pacino. How are you?
嗨 阿尔·帕西诺 你好
Good to see you. Very well.
很开心见到你 非常好
Are you afraid of Al Pacino?
你害怕阿尔·帕西诺吗
Am I what?
我怎么了？
Are you afraid of Al Pacino?
你害怕阿尔·帕西诺吗
I'm terrified of him. Is he here?
我怕他 他在这儿呢吗
Who's more cute, baby Yoda or me?
谁更可爱 尤达宝宝还是我？
Baby Yoda.
尤达宝宝
You know Meryl Streep, right?
你认识梅丽尔·斯特里普 对吧
I do.
认识
She's not nominated this year.
她今年没有被提名
I'm sorry to hear that. She should be nominated for walking down the street.
为她深表遗憾 她的作品《顺街而行》应该被提名
I saw it too. So I made her a card and I want everybody to sign it.
我也看了 所以我为她做了张卡片 我想让每个人都在上面签个名
Yeah, that's sweet. I think this is really going to make her feel better.
嗯 很贴心 我觉得这个真的能让她好受些
Sign over here so she can feel better.
在这里签个名她就能好受些
That's lovely.
很有爱
Anything you'd like to say to Meryl Streep?
你想对梅丽尔·斯特里普说些什么吗？
Yes. You're a loser this year but you're going to get 'em next time.
是的 你今年虽然失败了 但是明年肯定没问题
Thank you so much.
很感谢
I love Meryl Streep and I think she's always a winner. So that's why i'm not going to sign this card.
我爱梅丽尔·斯特里普 我认为她从来没有失败过 所以我不会在这张卡片上签名
Oh, okay. What are you doing tonight? Are you presenting?
喔 好的 你今晚有什么活动？参加颁奖典礼吗？
I'm presenting. I'm so nervous and excited.
我正参加呢 我很紧张很激动
I have a joke for you.
我为你准备了一个笑话
Okay.
好的
Here.
这里
Why didn't the star of Joker take a Limo? Because he preferred Joaquin. That's great. I Love Joaquin.
为什么小丑明星不坐豪华轿车(利莫)？因为他更喜欢杰奎因 很棒的笑话 我喜欢杰奎因
Why are the Little Women so little?
小妇人为什么这么小
Why?
为什么
Because they wear Spanx.
因为她们穿塑身内衣(Spanx:内衣品牌)
What do you get when you take one pope and add another pope?
一个教皇再加一个教皇是什么
What do you get?
是什么
Two popes.
两个教皇
I didn't see that movie Parasite because I have a mother-in-law.
我没有看那部电影《寄生虫》 因为我有丈母娘
What's this?
说的啥
Can you translate?
帮他翻译一下
Oh. So sad.
喔 太悲剧了
You want me to say it right now?
你想让我念出来吗？现在吗？
Yeah, read it.
对 念吧
1917 is not just a movie. It's also the number of times I had to pee during the Irishman.
1917不只是一部电影 还是我拍《爱尔兰人》时尿尿的次数
Then you hold like that and then you release.
然后像那样握住 然后松开
Hey, bro, here! hey, bro! How are you?
嘿 哥们 这里！嘿 哥们！你好吗
I'm okay. How are you doing?
我很好 你好吗
Are we getting back together or what?
我们是复合了还是怎样？
Did we break up?
我们分过手吗
Yeah, we did.
是的 分过
I didn't know that.
我怎么不知道
Yeah. I have a joke for you. Okay? Look. Read it.
嗯 我为你准备了笑话 好吗？看一下 读出来
Should I try this?
我真的要读吗
Yeah. Try it.
是的 读吧
He's a clever fellow.
他是个聪明人
Try it.
读吧
I'll try it. I'll try to it tonight.
我会读的 今晚读
I'm gonna read it. What does Brad Pitt sweat from? His pit.
我要把它读出来 布拉德·皮特的汗水打哪儿来的 肚脐眼儿
I'm so funny.
我太幽默了
Robert! Robert De Niro right here! Robert! The Irishman doesn't want to talk to the Mexican.
罗伯特 罗伯特·德尼罗这里 《爱尔兰人》不想和《墨西哥》人说话
Hi, Scarlett, Scarlett, come back.
嗨 斯嘉丽 斯嘉丽 回来下
Hi. How are you? You look beautiful.
嗨 你好 你太美了
Thank you. What are you doing here?
谢谢 你在这里做什么
I'm interviewing you. You want to go banana tonight?
我在采访你 你今晚想疯狂一下吗
What are you going to do?
你要做什么
Here. Let's go banana tonight. Real quick.
这里 我们今晚一起疯狂吧 很快就好
How many other lips have touched this?
这个有多少人用嘴喝过
You're the first one. I promise.
你是第一个 我保证
You're a liar.
你个骗子
I swear.
我发誓
What's inside? I guess we'll figure it out.
里面是什么 我想我们会知道的
It's smooth.
很顺滑
Yeah.
是的
Oh, my god. Is that tequila in that banana?
喔 天哪 香蕉里面装着龙舌兰吗
Yeah.
对
I'm doing it.
我要喝了
I always keep tequila in my banana.
我一直把龙舌兰放在香蕉里
How many people put their mouths on this?
这个有多少人用嘴喝过
No one. So far nobody. You're going to be the first one.
没有人 目前还没有 你会是第一个
Would you like a drink out of my banana?
你想用我的香蕉喝一杯吗？
No. That sounds foul.
不想 听起来很邪恶
No?
不来一杯？
No.
不
Hold on. I'm getting a phone call. I think it's for you. In this tequila.
等下 我有个电话 我想是打给你的 里面是龙舌兰
Hello.
哈喽
What? I can't hear you.
什么？我听不到你说话
Like that.
像这样
Amazing. Did you make this?
太神奇了 你做的吗
Yeah. It's Mexican technology.
是的 这是墨西哥科技
Wow. That's very good.
哇哦 好酒
Oh!
噢！
I cannot drink right now.
我现在不能喝酒
No?
不能吗？
No. I've got to work, man.
不行 我还得工作 哥们儿
Okay. What about regular one?
好的 来杯不那么烈的怎么样
All right.
好吧
You're my kind of girl.
好样的
Charlize, how are you?
查理兹 你好
Where's my shot? Hi. Where's my shot?
我的镜头在哪里 嗨 我的镜头在哪里
In the banana.
在香蕉里
Oh, my god.
哦天哪
Tequila's calling you.
龙舌兰给你打电话了
Oh, my god. Are you kidding me?
哦 天哪 你在开玩笑吗
How many of these do you have? Let me pat you down.
你到底藏了多少个 我给你拍下来
Okay. That was good. You know I'm so glad I met you tonight.
好的 很不错 今晚很高兴能见到你
One more joke. This is Irish.
再来一个笑话 关于《爱尔兰人》
What did the Irishman say to the Mexican?
《爱尔兰人》对《墨西哥人》说了什么？
Let's get drunk.
我们不醉不归
I like you, man. What are you doing after the show?
我喜欢你 哥们儿 节目过后你要做什么
I won't be with you.
反正不会和你在一块儿
All right.
好吧
But I'll give you a kiss.
不过可以给你来一吻
Thank you.
谢谢
I just got to first base with Harvey Keitel.
我刚刚和哈威·凯特尔来电了
That's it from the red carpet.
这就是红毯报告
Everybody loves drinking from my banana.
大家都喜欢喝我的香蕉龙舌兰
Thank you very much. See you next year.
非常感谢 明年见！
That's how we gave everyone in Hollywood the flu.
我们就是这样把流感传染进好莱坞的
