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Well, here's some...here's some good news. Today was World Kindness Day.
来看看好消息，今天是世界有爱日。
You could tell it was World Kindness Day cause all day long, New Yorkers were like,
你应该能知道今天是世界有爱日，因为一整天纽约人都在说，
No, please, you take the wet subway seat. Screw...Screw me? No, sir, screw you.
不，你来，你可以坐这个地铁湿椅子，让我难受？不是先生，让你难受。
Of course, the bad news today is that the country's still dealing with this Arctic blast.
当然，今天的坏新闻是，美国还在极地寒流中挣扎。
It was freezing outside. Seriously, Frozen 2 isn't just the name of a movie, it's also the nickname for my nipples.
外面很冷啊，说真的，《冰雪奇缘2》不仅仅是电影的名字，更是我乳头的绰号。
What? It was also freezing down in Washington, D.C. It was so cold, during today's impeachment hearing,
啥？华盛顿特区很冷啊，在今天弹劾听证会举行之时也是非常冷。
Democrats and Republicans put aside their difference and spooned each other for warmth. Aww.
民主党和共和党搁置了争议，用勺子将对方舀起来取暖，哦哦。
That's right, today was the first public impeachment hearing but apparently President Trump didn't watch.
没错，今天是首次公开听证会，但显然小特没有观看。
Trump wanted to, but he threw his TV remote out the window when he wasn't named People magazine's Sexiest Man of the Year.
小特想看，但他将电视遥控器从窗户扔了出去，因为他没有当选本年度的《人物》杂志的最性感男人。
It was such a tense day in Washington that emotional support dog were actually brought in to help members of Congres deal with the stress.
华盛顿的气氛今天略显紧张，情感支持狗被带进国会，帮助国会议员减压。
So if you think you had a rough day, think about the dog that had to spend 12 hours cuddling with Mitch McConnell.
所以如果你今天不顺，想想那只狗，它需要花12个小时和米奇·麦康奈尔拥抱在一起。
Meanwhile, a lot of bars in D.C. opened up at 9:00 a.m. so people could watch the hearing and drink.
同时，许多华盛顿的酒吧上午九点开门，人们可以一边看听证会一边喝酒。
Yeah, drinking all morning on a work day, or as the White House staffers call that, every day.
没错，在工作日和一早上的酒，或者像白宫工作人员所说，每天如此。
Today's testimony came from State Department official George Kent and U.S. diplomat Bill Taylor.
今天的证词来自国务院官员乔治·肯特和美国外交家比尔·泰勒。
In case you don't know what they look like, here's George Kent. I think he's still dressed in his Young Sheldon Halloween costume.
防止你不知道他们的样子，来看看乔治·肯特，我认为他还穿着小谢尔顿的万圣节服装。
Here's U.S. diplomat Bill Taylor. He's a former ambassador and the current spokesman for Just for Men Touch of Gray.
来看看外交家比尔·泰勒，他是前大使，目前也是“男性灰色焗油”产品代言人。
But Bill Taylor's testimony was brutal for Trump.
但比尔·泰克的证词对小特很不利。
He clearly outlined how th president tried to get Ukraine to investigate Biden in exchange for aid,
他清楚地阐明了小特是如何让乌克兰调查拜登的，以换取援助，
which means it's the second time in Trump's life that his cover-up didn't work.
这就意味着小特一生当中的掩盖第二次没有成功。
At one point, Taylor read his text messages out loud, and he was asked to explain an exchange he had with Ambassador Sondland.
一度，泰勒大声阅读了短信息，他被要求解释他和大使桑兰德之间的交换。
Are we now saying that security assistance and White House meeting are conditioned on investigations?
我们是不是在说，安全援助和白宫的会晤是以调查为前提的？
And Ambassador Sondland responded, Call me. Yeah. If you're unaware, Call me is a legal term meaning,
大使桑兰德回应道，给我打电话，没错，如果你不确定，给我打电话是一个法律术语。
I can't put this very illegal thing I'm about to say in writing.
我不能把我要说的非法事情写下来。
But during his hours of testimony, a lot of peopl really liked Taylor's voic and thought he should narrat a podcast or a TV show.
但经过了几个小时的证明，许多人特别喜欢泰勒的声音，认为他应该去给播客讲故事或是电视节目。
Just listen to him. I'm appearing today at the committee's request to provide my perspective on the events that
来听听，在委员会的要求下，我今天来到这里就一些问题发表我的观点，
are the subject of the committee's inquiry. Yeah. While he testified, a bunch of judges from The Voice turned their chairs around.
事情是委员会的调查，没错，在他证明时，一群来自 《美国之声》的导师转动了椅子。
Why? Why would you take that? Why? Well, I'm not an impeachment expert, but there were a few words said during today's testimony
为啥？你为啥接受？为啥？当然，我不是弹劾专家，但今天在听证会上说了很多话，
that I was not expecting to hear. Take a look. Chalupa. Chalupa. Chalupa. Three-way. Nude. Pictures. Of Trump.
是我没有预料到的，来看看，墨西哥卷饼，墨西哥卷饼，墨西哥卷饼，三种方式，裸露的，图片，小特的。
Just wasn't expecting...Just wasn't expecting that U.S. diplomat Bill Taylor and State Department official George Kent testified.
真的没有想到，没有想到美国外交官比尔·泰勒和国务院官员乔治·肯特来证明。
But first, they had to swear it under oath. And I think they seemed to be asked a few more questions than usual. Take a look at this.
但首先，他们需要宣誓，我认为他们被问了比平常更多的问题，来看看。
Do you swear that the testimony you're about to give is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? I do.
你发誓你接下来的证词是真实的，完全真实，没有一点虚假吗？我发誓。
Do you think the redesigned Sonic the Hedgehog is an overall success? I do.
你认为重新设计的刺猬索尼克大获全胜吗？我这么认为。
Do you often wonder why hiccups are called hiccups and not throat sneezes? I do.
你有没有想过为什么打嗝被叫做打嗝，而不是嗓子喷嚏？想过。
Do you agree that John Legend is the sexiest man alive? I do. What is your favorite 98 Degrees song? I Do.
你同意约翰·传奇是在世的最性感的人吗？我同意。你最喜欢98度的哪首歌？我愿意。
Do you take me to be your lawfully married husband? I do. Do you wish you were watching 101 Dalmatians on Disney+ right now?
你愿意让我成为你的合法丈夫吗？我愿意，你渴望现在在迪士尼看101忠狗吗？
I do. Do you want to give the man standing next to you a gentle kiss on the forehead? I do.
我渴望，你希望给站在你旁边的男子额头上一个温柔的吻吗？我希望。
That seems unfair. Wow. I didn't...I didn't notice that. Wow. Some 2020 news.
这似乎很不公平，哦哦，我没有，我没有注意到，哦，看看2020大选新闻。
Pete Buttigieg is now leading the polls in Iowa. Pete's very proud. He's walking around like he's 5 feet tall.
布蒂吉格在爱荷华的民调领先了，他很骄傲，他大摇大摆地走着，好似他有五英尺高。
Hillary Clinton's in the news. In a new interview, she said Many, many, many people are urging her to run in 2020.
克林顿也上了新闻，在新的采访中，她说许多人在敦促她竞选2020总统。
When asked to name them, she said, Pinot, Zinfandel, Cabernet, and Sauvignon Blanc.
当被问你是谁这么说时，她说皮诺，仙粉黛，解百衲红葡萄和长相思干白葡萄。
