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I'm so excited about this. Will Smith is our guest tonight! Yes!
我今天很兴奋，威尔·史密斯将是今晚的嘉宾，没错。
Will Smith is our guest tonight. So between him and the new royal baby,
威尔·史密斯是我们的嘉宾，那么在他和新皇室成员之间，
that makes two Fresh Princes. Ooh! Wow! Good night, everybody. Good night. Thank you.
出现了两名“新鲜王子”，哦哦，晚上好各位，晚上好，谢谢。
Jokes don't get better than that one. Topical. I know. I want to say congrats to Meghan Markle and Prince Harry.
没有哪个笑话比这个更逗比，热门话题，我知道，先要来祝贺梅根和哈里王子。
Today they welcomed a baby boy. It was nice. It was very nice. The minute he was born, he looked at his parents and said,
他们的小王子诞生了，很棒，超级棒，他出生的那一刻，看到他的父母说，
Hey, it's Ed Sheeran and the lady from Suits.
嗨，这是爱德华·希兰和来自《金装律师》的女士。
But the baby's doing great. Buckingham Palace says that he Brexited his mother early this morning.
但小男孩很棒，白金汉宫称他今天早上成功从他妈妈那里“脱欧”。
Weighed in at 3.2 kilograms. Americans heard that, were like, Yeah, we have no idea how much that is.
重量是3.2公斤，美国人听到后说耶，我们不清楚这是多少，没概念。
They're like, Kilograms? That 32 pounds? I have no idea.
他们说公斤？32磅？我不知道。
And get this. I read that the new baby is seventh in line for the throne.
听听这个，听说小男孩是第7顺位继承人。
Yeah, the only way he'll be king is if the Kentucky Derby judges disqualify everyone else.
没错，他想成为国王的唯一办法是，肯塔基赛马会的裁判判定其他所有人不合格。
Everyone's still talking about the Kentucky Derby. That was crazy. The Kentucky Derby.
所有人还在谈论肯塔基赛马，很棒，肯塔基赛马。
The winner, Maximum Security, was disqualified after he made a wide turn and wandered into another horse's lane.
获胜者“极致安全”被取消了资格，因为它做了一个大转弯，去别人的马道上溜达了。
Afterward, the horse was like, Yeah, I had a couple mint Juleps before the race.
最终，这匹马说我在比赛之前喝了很多薄荷茱莉普。
So what? You think you're better than me? Come on. Let's go. Sorry. Sorry. That's your lane. Sorry.
什么东西？你认为你比我强？来吧，走吧，对不起，对不起，这是你的道，对不起。
Well, here's the moment where Maximum Security drifted in front of the other horses. Watch this.
好吧，我们有“极致安全”转移到其它骏马前头的影像，来看看。
So, his jockey is taking him outside of Luis Saez and Maximum Security.
那么，他的骑手将骏马带出，骑手路易斯·赛兹和“极致安全”。
Right there is where number 7, Maximum Security, came out a lane or two, forcing War of Will to steady.
看到他们在第七跑道，“极致安全”跑出了一两个跑到，导致“意志之战”不得不匀速了。
Ah, when it happened, the other horses were like, Stay in your lane, girl.
啊，当这种事情发生时，其它的骏马会说，就在你的跑道待着靓妞。
H-a-a-ay. Stay. Of course a lot of people were upset that Maximum Security got called for interference.
哈哈，待着，当然很多人感到不安，尤其是当“极致安全”被指干扰。
Even the President complained. Yeah, which is surprising, since interference in a race is what got him elected.
就连总统都在抱怨，没错，这很让人惊讶，因为竞选中的干预让他当选了总统。
Good night, everybody. Take care. But it's true, though. Trump sent a tweet about the Derby. This is real.
晚上好大家，保重，这是真的，特朗普在推特上写了这次赛马，这是真的。
He misspelled the word Kentucky. Take a look. Look. He wrote, The Kentuky Derby.
他还拼错了肯塔基这个名字，看看，他写道肯基赛马。
Kentucky. He forgot the C. Then he was like, Now take me back to Washington D. Take me back to the D!
肯塔基，他忘记了塔，他说道带我回华顿，带我回华顿。
Speaking of the President...Love the D. Speaking of the President, on Friday,
说到总统，喜欢D，说到总统，在周五，
Trump called Vladimir Putin, and they spoke on the phone for over an hour.
小特给普京打电话，他们在电话里说了一小时。
It was an hour of Trump rambling and an hour of Putin trying different lines to end the conversation.
小特这一小时一直在胡言乱语，而普京这一小时一直在试图变化不同话题，从而结束对话。
He's like, Okay, then, yep. Okay, that's what I, Okay. Yes, well, I should get going. Okay, right. Look at time. I gotta...
他说好吧，没错，没错，这就是我，好吧，我应该走了，好吧，看看时间，我应该。
This is big. Today the President's former lawyer, Michael Cohen, reported to prison,
这件事很大，今天小特的前律师迈克尔·科恩向监狱报道了，
and I heard that he's in the same prison as The Situation from Jersey Shore and the guy who started Fyre Festival.
听说他和迈克尔·索雷蒂诺关在一起，他出演了《泽西海岸》真人秀，他还发起了“福莱”音乐节。
I don't know about you guys, but I would totally watch that reality show. I would totally watch that! Tonight I would watch that.
我不知道这些人，但我肯定会看看那个真人秀，我今晚一定要看，一定会看的。
I saw that this week in New York City, Mayor Bill de Blasio is expected to announce that he's also running for President.
听说本周在纽约市，市长比尔·白思豪有望宣布竞选总统的决定。
A little surprising, because his poll numbers are really low, and there aren't even that many people here in New York
小意外哈，因为它的民调数字很低，而纽约也很少有人
who want him to run, but he's doing it anyway, and he's got some great campaign slogans drawn up.
希望他竞选，但他还是这么做了，他还起了很多非常棒的竞选标语。
Check this out. First is... Bill de Blasio. A new leader for a new America. That's not bad.
来看看，第一个是比尔·白思豪，新美国的新领袖，不错。
Next is, Bill de Blasio, the change we need. Then there's...Bill de Blasio. in 2014, I dropped a groundhog on its head, and it died.
第二个是比尔·白思豪，我们需要改变，之后是比尔·白思豪，2014年我将一只土拨鼠头朝地摔在了地上，然后它死了。
Wow! Here's another one. Bill de Blasio. Moving America forward. Next, here's... Bill de Blasio.
哦哦，下一个是比尔·白思豪，让美国再次前行，下一个是比尔·白思豪，
Yeah, the groundhog wiggled while I was holding it, so I dropped it. It died,
耶耶，我手拿土拨鼠，它晃来晃去，所以我给它放下了，然后它死了，
and I tried to cover it up. Up next is Bill de Blasio. Honesty, integrity, respect. After that,
我试图将它盖起来，下一个是比尔·白思豪，诚实、正直、尊敬，随后是，
there's Bill de Blasio. I wish I could say it's the only rodent whose life I ended, but I don't want to lie to you people, okay?
比尔·白思豪，我希望我可以说，这是我结束的最后一只啮齿动物的生命，但我不想向你们说谎，好吧？
And finally, Bill de Blasio. Even I'm on the fence about me. There you go. He's got options. He's got a lot of options. Yeah.
最后比尔·白思豪，即使我现在保持中立，好吧，他有选择的，他有很多选择的，没错。
Some TV news last night. There was another new episode of Game of Thrones. And...
看看昨晚的电视新闻，新一季的《权力的游戏》开始了。
Yeah, I love it. But today everyone's talking about this one scene. Take a look at this picture.
没错，我很喜欢，但今天所有人都在谈论这个镜头，看看这张照片。
This is real. Can you see what's on that table? Zoom in to that.
这是真的，能看到桌子上是什么吗？放大。
That is a Starbucks cup right there. The lighting guy was like, Well, well, well, who needs me to make it darker now, huh?
桌子上是星巴克杯子，控制灯光的工作人员说，谁想让它变暗些？
Saw too much? You saw too much?! But I can't believe people aren't talking about this.
你们看到的太多了？太多了？但我不相信人们不会谈论这个。
Did you see the castle at the end of the episode? Take a look at the castle. Look.
你们看到过最后一集的城堡吗？看看城堡。
They're storming White Castle. White Castle. That's insane! No one's mentioning that. Nobody's talking about that.
他们正在攻击白色城堡，白色城堡，这太疯狂了，没人提到这个，没人谈论这个。
