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Welcome to the show, everybody. Well, the results of Trump's annual physical came out.
欢迎来到节目中朋友们，小特的年度体检报告出来了。
And I saw that in the past year, he gained 4 pounds. Trump said,
听说去年他增加了四磅，小特说
That's because when I stepped on the scale, I forgot to take off my hair. 4 pounds?
这是因为当我上秤时，我忘记拿掉头发了，四磅？
After gaining 4 pounds, he's now technically considered obese.
增加四磅后，严格意义上来讲这算是肥胖。
He knew he was in trouble when he got on the scale, and it said National Emergency.
他一上秤就知道遇到麻烦了，秤说国家紧急状态。
That's right...Since Trump is now technically obese, he could just BE the border wall.
没错，严格来说小特被定为肥胖后，他或许就可以当做边境墙用了。
That's what I'm saying. Why not? I saw that one of Trump's challengers in the next election,
这是我说的，为什么不呢？听说小特下次竞选的挑战者之一，
Kamala Harris, says she supports legalizing weed, because it gives a lot of people joy.
卡玛拉·哈里斯，说她支持大麻合法化，因为这让人很喜悦。
Which explains her new slogan... Spark more of that joy! Wow! Check this out.
这就解释了她的新竞选口号，激发更多的欢乐，哦，来看看。
The winner of last year's 1.5 billion dollars Mega Millions jackpot still hasn't come forward.
去年，“美国超级百万”的15亿美金头等奖还没人认领。
And you know the guy with the winning ticket is watching the news like, That idiot.
中将的这位大哥一边看新闻一边说，这个傻子。
You're the..Some sports news...A minor-league baseball stadium in Connecticut just became the country's first ballpark to ban peanuts.
你是...来看看体育新闻，康涅狄格州一个小型联赛场馆成为了全国首个禁止花生的棒球场。
Yeah, they said We don't want to risk anybody getting hurt. Now who's ready for the T-shirt cannon?
没错，他们说我们不想让别人受伤，谁准备来一场T恤大炮？
Let's go! Let's go! Guys, it's time for Tonight Show News Blender,
走吧，走吧朋友们，又到了今夜秀新闻混搭时间。
where we take real headlines from the week and blend them together to see how weird we can make the headlines.
我们收集了本周的真实新闻标题，然后将它们混在一起，看看能有多奇怪。
I'll show you what I mean. For example, if you blend the stories Kim Jong-un sees different version of Trump...
来看看第一个，比如如果你将“金正恩看到不同版本的特朗普”，
Clinique offers sultry Valentine's Day makeup... and creators of Baby Shark release new song, you get...
倩碧提供性感的情人节化妆品，《鲨鱼宝宝》创作者推出新歌曲，你将得到...
Trump and Kim Jong-un release sultry version of Baby Shark for Valentine's Day.
小特和金正恩在情人节推出了性感的《鲨鱼宝宝》版本。
See what I'm saying? Yeah. It blends it. Yeah, yeah. Next up, if you blend the stories dating app Coffee Meets Bagel suffers breach...
懂了吗？没错，混搭在一起，没错，下一个是如果将“咖啡遇见百吉饼”交友应用数据泄露，
Taco Bell orders vegan options... and man behind restaurant explosion identified, you get...
塔可钟连锁有了素食者餐饮，餐馆爆炸案幕后男子身份曝光，那么你将得到，
Man meets Taco Bell, meets coffee, suffers behind explosion. Next up, if you blend the stories Barneys selling high-end bong...
男子遇见了塔可钟，遇见了咖啡，遭遇“爆炸后”问题，下一个是巴尼斯售卖高端烟枪，
Trump tweets wall keeps law and order... and new technology makes binge-watching easier, you get...
小特发推文说边境墙维持法律与秩序，新技术让疯狂看片更简单，你将得到，
high Trump binge-watches Law Order, keeps tweeting, Bong bong.
兴奋的小特连续看《法律与秩序》，一直发推特，烟枪，烟枪。
And finally, if you blend the stories... winter snow brings 3 to 6 inches...
最后，如果你将它们混合在一起，冬季降雪量达3-6英寸，
plans to shrink wealth gap between men and women and Don't let me do the joke, please. Come on!
计划缩小男性和女性的贫富差距，不要让我讲笑话，求求了。
Couple from Texas holds nudist wedding, you get... Nudists hold winter wedding,
德州夫妻举行裸体婚礼，那么你将得到裸体人举行冬季婚礼，
men shrink from 6 to 3 inches. Ohh! There we go. We've got a great show tonight. Give it up for The Roots, everybody.
男子缩小了6-3英寸，哦，这就是今晚的节目，掌声送给紫金乐队。
