评论
打印
And now, a message from Independent candidate for president, Howard Schultz.
下面是独立总统竞选人霍华德·舒尔茨。
Hello. I'm former Starbucks C.E.O. Howard Schultz, and I'm running for president of the United States.
大家好，我是前星巴克CEO霍华德·舒尔茨，我要竞选美国总统。
Over the past few months, I've traveled all across this great nation, speaking to everyday Americans,
过去几个月，我走访了国内各地，与所有民众交谈，
and hearing what they had to say. Mostly, they say things like, Please, for the love of God, don't run for president.
请听他们的想法，他们多数都在说为了上帝，不要竞选总统。
Why on Earth would you do this? But just like a true Starbucks barista,
你为什么要这么做？但就像真正的星巴克咖啡师一样，
I didn't hear the words properly. To me, it sounded like, That's a great idea. You should really run for president.
我听到的声音不真切，对我而言，我听起来就像好主意，你应该竞选。
It is a great idea. It says so on this cup. Now, I know what you're thinking.
这是个好主意，杯子上就是这么说的，我知道你是怎么想的。
A billionaire businessman with zero political experience becoming president?
一个没有从商经验的亿万富翁想当总统？
What could possibly go wrong? But let me assure you, I will work for the middle class,
是哪里出了错？但我可以向你们保证，我要为中产阶级奋斗，
I will improve education, and most importantly, I will pay off our national debt using the 12 trillion dollars I have collected selling Norah Jones CDs.
我会提升教育水平，最重要的是，我将偿还国债，用我售卖诺拉·琼斯CD的120万亿美金。
And to those who think that, as an independent, third-party candidate, I could help Donald Trump win re-election,
很多人都在想作为独立的第三党候选人，我可以帮助特朗普连任，
and that I'm blatantly ignoring the fact that people want me to stay out of this race, I say this,
他们还在想，我没有听大家的意见放弃竞选，我想对他们说，
I know how to read a room, okay? I know what people want. Trust me.
我知道大家是怎么想的，我知道大家想要什么，相信我。
Let me tell you about my five-point plan. As president, I promise to record a longer version of the Baby Shark song.
让我来讲讲我的五点计划，作为总统，我承诺录制加长版《鲨鱼宝宝》歌曲。
It should be longer. I also want to extend the Twitter character limit to 1,200 words.
它应该更长，我还想将推特的字符限制增加到1200个字。
People need more words to tweet. I promise to close all Sears stores, and replace them with Radio Shacks.
人们需要更多文字，我承诺关闭所有百货商店希尔斯，取而代之的是电子商店Radio Shacks。
I will make those little Xs in the corner of YouTube ads even harder to find.
我要让YouTube广告角上的小Xs更难容易发现。
And when you do finally click on one, it'll just open up three more ads. And finally, the Unicorn Frappuccino all year long.
当你点进去一个时，会变成三个广告，最后将全年推出独角兽星冰乐。
Yeah, baby. It's time for a change, America. Our two-party system has grown old and stale,
太棒了，是时候改变了美国，我们的两党体系太老化，太死板了，
like those sausage, egg, and cheese sandwiches we leave behind the counter for weeks at a time just collecting dust.
就像香肠，鸡蛋和奶酪三明治，这些我放在柜台上好几周了，都有土了。
And look, if you're still unsure about supporting me, I simply say, You owe me, America.
看，如果你还不确定支持我，我只是想说，你欠我的美国。
It's the least you can do since I let you use my bathrooms for free. So, in 2020, remember to vote for me,
我让你免费用我的厕所，你至少能做到这一点吧，所以2020年，记住为我投票，
former Starbucks C.E.O. Howard Schultz. And together, we can make America grande again. I asked for almond milk!
前星巴克CEO霍华德·舒尔茨，我们能够一起让美国再次辉煌，我要杏仁露。
