评论
打印
Well, you guys, the holiday season is here. And I saw that tomorrow is the White House Christmas tree lighting...
朋友们，节假日又要来了，明天白宫将点亮圣诞树，
though when Trump first sees a bunch of blinking lights outside, he'll shout, Oh, my God, it's the FBI.
当小特第一次看到精光闪闪的彩灯时，他大叫道老天，联邦调查局来了。
Just...Tell them we're not home. But the White House just put up their official Christmas decorations, and the theme this year
告诉他们我不在家，但白宫只装扮了官方圣诞装饰，今年的主题是
is American Treasures. Which sounds less like a theme, more like a line of creepy dolls sold on QVC.
美国珍宝，听起来不像是主题名，更像是一排在QVC售卖的古怪玩具。
It's like Y'all, look at these American Treasures, y'all. There's only 300,000 left, and they're just so cute.
来看看美国珍宝，来看看，只剩30万个了，它们很可爱。
This one here looks like he got into Daddy's paints. He's in trouble.
这个玩具好似掉进了爸爸的裤子了，他遇到麻烦了。
I heard that Melania is in charge of all the decorations this year.
听说梅拉尼娅负责今年的所有装饰。
Most of them look nice, but some people are referring to the Christmas trees as blood trees because of their color.
多数装饰很不错，但有些人把圣诞树看成是血树，因为它的颜色像血。
Check these out. Yeah. A lot of people said it looks like Christmas in hell.
来看看，很多人说这是地狱版的圣诞。
Then Melania said Exactly. Subtle. A little on the nose. A little on the nose there.
梅拉尼娅说没错，一点点在鼻子上，鼻子上有一点点。
This one got into, like, a little pie fight. He was in a pie-eating contest. This little one.
这个好像是经历了一场扔派游戏，他参加了吃派游戏，这个小的。
His face is all messy. His face is all messy with plum juice on it. And this...there's only 150,000 left of these.
它的脸都花了，它的脸上都是西梅汁，现在只剩15万个了。
Last night in Mississippi, Trump held a rally where they had a bunch of Christmas decorations.
昨晚在密西西比，小特举行了集会，他们还摆设了圣诞装饰。
He even entered the arena from a giant fake fireplace. Take a look at this.
他是从巨大的壁炉进入场地的，来看看。
President Donald Trump! There he is. Yeah, there he is, right there. He comes out from the fireplace. Yeah. There he is.
总统特朗普，他来了，他来了，他是从壁炉里出来的，没错。
Well, it turns out that Trump went down five other chimneys before he found the right one.
其实小特走了五个烟囱才找对了方向。
That's it. That one was real. He was like I did it.
这个是对的，我做到了。
Later in the speech, Trump talked about how Elvis was born in Mississippi and compared himself to him. Watch this.
随后在演讲中，小特谈论了出生在密西西比的埃尔维斯，并将他与自己相比较，来看看。
Other than the blond hair, when I was growing up, they said I looked like Elvis. Do you see that? Can you believe it?
除了金色的头发，我小时他们都说我很像埃尔维斯，你们觉得呢？能相信吗？
Trump said, I looked exactly like Elvis other than the blond hair, the body, the voice, the face. Everything else.
小特说我除了金色头发以外一切都很像埃尔维斯，身材，声音，脸庞，一切都很像。
A doppelganger for Elvis. This is big. There are reports that Trump's former campaign chairman Paul Manafort
埃尔维斯的幽灵，这个块很大，有报道称小特的前竞选主席保罗·马纳福特
secretly met with the founder of WikiLeaks right before Hillary's hacked e-mails were released.
秘密会见了维基解密创始人，而且就在希拉里邮件门事件被爆之前。
Now, I know that sounds suspicious, but that's because it's very suspicious.
我知道这听起来很可疑，因为它就是非常可疑。
Get this. The CDC says it's now safe to eat Romaine lettuce, as long as it's not from Central California.
听听这个，疾控中心说吃长叶莴苣不安全，除非它来自加州中部。
When people asked how to tell if the lettuce is from that area, officials said, Eat it and see what happens. So it's.....
当被问及怎么才知道它来自加州中部时，官方称尝一尝看看会怎样。
Check this out. A new study found that it takes about 1.7 days for a LEGO to pass through the human body.
听听这个，新研究发现乐高需要大约1.7天从人类身体中出来。
The guy who ate it says it was painful, while LEGO Batman said, Hey, it's no picnic for me, either, buddy.
那名吃下乐高的人说太痛苦了，但乐高蝙蝠侠说这对我也不易啊。
Didn't do me any favors. And finally, down in Washington, the new members of Congress have started meeting their fellow lawmakers.
这对我一点帮助都没有，最后在华盛顿，新一届国会成员开始集结。
Of course, it can be hard to meet new people, which is why a lot of them come prepared with their own statements to break the ice.
当然，会见新朋友不简单，所以许多人事先准备好了一些话从而消除尴尬。
Let's take a look at some Congressional ice-breakers. First up, we have Alaska Congressman Don Young.
来看看国会成员们是怎么说的，第一个是阿拉斯加国会议员唐·杨。
His ice-breaker is, I've been in six Lifetime movies as the guy who was Santa all along.
他事先准备的话是，我参加了六部Lifetime电影制作公司的电影，里面的圣诞老人一直都是我。
Come on. Oh, yeah, I know that movie. Yeah. Yeah, he was Santa. Where is he?!
我知道这部电影，他就是圣诞老人，他在哪？
Next, here's North Carolina Congressman David Price. His ice-breaker is, I have 60,000 unread e-mails
下一个是北卡州国会议员大威·普莱斯，他准备的是我有6万个未读电邮，
because I do not know how to use the e-mail. Next, here's South Dakota Congressman Dusty Johnson.
因为我不知道如何使用电邮，下一个是南达科他州国会议员达斯蒂·约翰逊。
His ice-breaker is, I only got elected with the name Dusty Johnson because my opponent's name was Harry Dangler.
他准备的是，我是因为我的名字而获胜的，因为我的对手叫哈利·丹格勒。
Wow. Hello. Nice to meet you. These are ice-breakers. Yeah.
你好，很高兴见到你，这些就是破冰语，没错。
This is what they say to people when they first meet them. That's exactly right. Here's New York Congressman Eliot Engel.
这就是他们初次见面会说的，没错，下一个是纽约国会议员爱丽雅特· 安格尔。
His ice-breaker is If you like my giant mustache, then it did its job of distracting you from my tiny eyebrows.
他准备的是如果你喜欢我的胡子，那它完成了将注意力从眉毛上转走的工作。
Next up is Utah Congressman John Curtis. His ice-breaker is, Nice to meet you. My precious!
下一个是犹他州国会议员约翰·柯蒂斯，他准备的是很高兴见到你，我的宝贝。
Here's Maryland Congressman Jamie Raskin. His ice-breaker is, I can't wait to represent everyone from where I grew up,
这个是马里兰州国会议员杰米·拉斯金，他准备的是我等不及要和大家说一说我出生的地方，
the space behind an old couch. Up next is Texas Congressman Kevin Brady.
旧沙发后面，下一个是德州国会议员凯文·布拉迪。
His ice-breaker is This is actually the back of my head. What? What?
他准备的是这其实是我的后脑勺，啥？啥？
I don't know, man. And finally, here's Missouri Congressman Sam Graves.
我不知道，最后一个是密苏里州国会议员山姆·格雷夫斯。
His ice-breaker is, The reason no one in Congress reaches across the aisles is because when they do,
他准备的是，在国会没人跨越党派界限的原因是，当他们这么做时，
I bite their fingers. Well, they'll have something to talk about. Guys, we have a great show. Give it up for The Roots.
我会咬断他们的手指，他们一定有话要说，这就是今晚的节目，掌声送给紫金乐队。
