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What level did you get to as far as basketball goes? Did you play high school basketball?
你的篮球水平是？你在中学打过篮球么？
Ahh... OK, we being honest? Yeah! Like, 'cause you can find footage, so I don't know how far I can lie. OK.
呃……好吧，老实交代么？当然咯！因为你们能找到视频片段，所以我不知道我能瞎掰到什么程度。好吧。
Ahh... Alright, listen. I played high school basketball. I played four years of varsity. But it wasn't, it wasn't easy, OK?
呃……好吧，听着。我在中学打过篮球。我在校队打过四年篮球。但那可不，那可不容易的，好吧？
I wanted to play real bad. This is all I wanted to do. And my mom, she didn't want me to try-out, because my school
我当时太想打篮球了。那是我唯一想干的事。而我麻麻呢，她不想我去参加选拔，因为学校
was like two hours from my house and we had to catch public transportation.
离我家有两个小时的路程，我们必须要赶乘公车。
And the try-outs for the basketball team was at 6 am. It is a true story.
而学校篮球队的选拔时间是在早上的六点钟。这是真事。
And my mom was like, you're not leaving our house at 4 am to go try-out for a basketball team.
我麻麻说，不准你早上四点离家去参加篮球队的选拔。
There's all types of crazy people out here, I'm not sending my son on public transportation at that time.
这世上变态那么多，我可不想让我儿子那么早去坐公车
I was like, but mom, this is the try-outs. Like I want to be on the team, this is the only way I can get to be on the team.
我说，但是麻麻，这可是选拔啊。我想成为那个校队的一份子啊，这可是我入队的唯一之路。
She's like, no, not gonna happen.
她说，没门，门都没有。
So, because I'm such a genius, I decided to take all the clocks in the house, and set all of the clocks forward.
如此一来，因为我是如此的有才，所以我决定对家里所有的钟表下手，把它们都调快。
So when it was... How far forward? Oh, I set it forward bad.
所以当时间是……你调快了多少？哦，我调快了好多啊。
When it was really 4 am, I set the clock to say 6 am, 'cause that's what time I was leaving.
本来是凌晨的4点，我把时钟调到了6点，因为那是我出发的时间。
So, I woke my mom up and everything, like it was time for work, like gotta get up.
因此，我叫醒了我妈，我说该上班了，该起床了。
She was like, it's still dark out, what's going on today? I was like,
她说，外面天还没亮啊，今天是怎么了？而我说
I don't know, but we got to get up out of here. It's time to go.
我不知道啊，不过我们必须起床出门了。该出发了。
VCRs, clocks, her watches, everything. I set every clock in the house and I made it to the try-outs. I tried it out and I was happy my plan worked.
盒式磁带录像机（Video Cassette Recorder）、时钟、她的手表，所有显示时间的东西我都调快了，我最终参加了选拔。我参加了选拔，我很开心我的诡计得逞了。
And midway through the day, I remember being in class. You know, classrooms got those skinny windows, right?
然后当天中午，我记得我在教室上课。你应该清楚，教室有那些窄窄的窗户，对吧？
And I'm like doing my work. And I remember a head popping in the window.
我好像正在做功课。我记得有个人的头突然出现在窗户之中。
And that was my mom. My mom, she was like, she is just biting her lips.
而那人就是我麻麻。她在那龇着牙、咬着嘴唇。
And I remember the teacher's like, "Mr. Hart, your mother wants to see you." And I was like, "Don't... don't let me go out there by myself."
我记得老师说，哈特先生，你麻麻要见你。我说，别……千万别让我独自到外面去。
And he was like, "Go ahead, Mr. Hart, you're excused." I said, "No, no, no, please, you gotta come out there with me."
他说，去吧，哈特先生，你可以离开了。我说，别别别，求你了，你跟我一块出去吧。
And I remember walking down that hall, and all I heard her say was, you had me get to work two hours early!
我记得我走在走廊，我只听到她说，你害得我上班早到了两个小时。
She was like, when nobody else in the office but me! She beat me all the way home. At every bus we got on, she hit me,
她说，那时办公室就只有我一个人！回家的路上我一直在被她揍。每上一辆巴士，她就揍我，
"Had me on the bus with nobody else on the bus and the train.
嘴里还说，“害得老娘坐的巴士和火车一个鬼影都没有。”
I've never, that day I've got whopped, I may have got whopped for three and a half hours straight, and there was nothing I could say. And I was happy 'cause I made the team,
那是我被揍的最惨的一次，我可能被胖揍了整整三个半小时，我完全无话可说。我很开心，因为我入选校队了，
and she was like... Oh you made the team! I made the team! And so that is one of the lessons learned.
她说……哦，你入校队了！我入校队了！所以那是学到的经验之一啊。
Yes! It's one of the lessons, that's one of our life lessons. What was the lesson exactly?
是的！那是其中的一个经验，那是我们的人生经验之一。究竟是什么经验啊？
I'm gonna be honest with you, there was no lesson in that one. There was no lesson!
老实跟你说吧，那件事中可没有什么经验可言的。没有什么经验可言的。
It is called I Can't Make This Up: Life lessons by Kevin Hart.
书名叫做《我可编不出来：人生经验》作者是凯文·哈特。
And, go to see him in a very funny movie, "Captain Underpants," it's in theaters tomorrow.
还有，去看他演的一部名叫《内裤队长》的搞笑电影吧，它明天在各大影院上映。
I am Jimmy Kimmel, if you like that, click the subscribe button below and good things will happen forever.
我是吉米·鸡毛 如果你喜欢这个视频，请点击下面的订阅按钮，美好的事情就会发生哦。
