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But he really listens -- because that's all we need -- I'll show you a guy who's done a lot of work.
而是他能真切的聆听 -- 因为那就是我们所需要的 -- 那我就能给你找到真正能干的男人。
Shame is an epidemic in our culture.
羞耻感是我们文化中的一种流行病。
And to get out from underneath it -- to find our way back to each other,
为了脱离这个困境，找到重归彼此的路，
we have to understand how it affects us and how it affects the way we're parenting,
我们必需要理解它是如何影响我们以及它如何影响我们教育孩子的方式，
the way we're working, the way we're looking at each other.
工作的方式，看待彼此的方式。
Very quickly, some research by Mahalik at Boston College.
非常快地分享一些来自波士顿大学马哈立克的研究成果。
He asked, what do women need to do to conform to female norms?
他提出了一个问题：怎样做才算是个标准的女人？
The top answers in this country: nice, thin, modest and use all available resources for appearance.
在这个国家排前几位的答案是：善良，苗条，端庄并且运用一些资源来美化外表。
When he asked about men, what do men in this country need to do to conform with male norms,
当他问人们，这个国家的男人们需要怎么做才算是个标准男人，
the answers were: always show emotional control, work is first, pursue status and violence.
答案是：永远喜怒不形于色，工作第一，追求地位以及暴力。
If we're going to find our way back to each other, we have to understand and know empathy, because empathy's the antidote to shame.
如果我们想找到重归彼此的路，我们必须知道并理解共鸣，因为共鸣是羞耻的解药。
If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment.
如果你把羞耻放入培养皿，它需要三样东西来成倍繁殖：隐蔽、沉默，以及裁决。
If you put the same amount in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive.
如果你放同样量的羞耻到培养皿里并且浇上共鸣，它就不能存活。
The two most powerful words when we're in struggle: me too.
在争执中最有力的三个字：我也是。
