评论
打印
If Disney Princes Were Real
迪士尼公主──恶梦成真
Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a beautiful girl who dreamed of finding her prince. Alas, real life is no fairy tale. Here's why Disney princess...
很久很久以前，在一个遥远的国度里，那儿住了个梦想着找到她的王子的美丽女孩。不幸的是，现实生活可不是童话故事。这就是为什么迪士尼公主...
So this is love.
这就是爱。
...would make terrible boyfriends.
这就是为什么迪士尼公主会交到糟糕的男朋友。
I'll be your knight in shining armor...if you're hot.
我会当你那位穿着闪亮盔甲的骑士...如果你很辣的话。
My dad do this party so I can meet a girl who is...
我爸办这场派对好让我可以遇到一个女孩...
Emotionally independent.
情感独立的女孩。
...hot and rich, like us. So, will you marry me?
...一个又辣又多金的女孩，就像我们一样。那么，你会嫁给我吗？
I think I left my straightener on.
我想到我的直发器还开着。
Size 7.5, the girl who fits this is my bae.
尺寸 7.5，适合这鞋子的女孩就是我的北鼻(网路用词)。
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, baby. Here is my number, so call me maybe.
魔镜啊，魔镜，牆上的魔镜，宝贝。这是我的号码，可以的话就打给我。
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey... HEY!
喂、喂、喂、喂、喂...喂!
Hey...
喂...
What are you doing?
你在干嘛？
Oh, thank God! I thought you were dead.
喔，谢天谢地!我还以为你死了。
Then why would you try to kiss me?
那你为什么会试着要亲我？
Hold on, don't change the subject. Who are these seven guys texting you?
等等，不要转移话题。这七个传简讯给你的家伙是谁？
They're just my roommates.
他们只是我的室友。
I want a girl who will tame my inner beast. THAT'S NOT A REQUEST.
我要一个能够驯服我内心野兽的女孩。那可不是个请求。
So now that we live together, we need to establish a few ground rules.
既然现在我们住在一起了，我们必须建立几条基本规则。
Actually, I'm a little hungry.
老实说，我有一点饿。
You are not allowed to step foot into that side of the house, especially my room. Ever. It is forbidden.
你不被允许踏入这房子的那一侧，特别是我的房间。永远不准。这是被禁止的。
Okay, does that include the bathroom?
好吧，那也包含浴室吗？
Also, I'm gonna need to know where you are and what you are doing at all times, because sometimes I get lonely. Do this, and I'll release your father from my basement.
还有，我会需要随时知道你在哪里和你在做什么，因为有时候我会感到孤单寂寞。照着做，我就会把你父亲从我的地下室释放。
You kidnapped my dad?
你绑架我爸爸？
Nailed it.
搞定了。
Who are you talking to?
你在跟谁说话？
My dream girl: Loves dogs and long walks on the...what's the word?
我的梦幻女孩：喜欢狗狗还有走一段长长的路在...那个词叫什么？
Excuse me, Miss. Have you seen my girlfriend?
不好意思，小姐。你有看到我的女朋友吗？
Eric, it's me.
Eric，是我啊。
Oh, yeah, you look familiar, but... Wait, I follow you on Twitter, right?
喔，对，你看起来有些眼熟，但...等等，我有在 Twitter 上追踪你，对吧？
You don't remember the crazy lady you stabbed with a boat for me?
你不记得你为了我用船去刺一个疯女士(注一)？
I think I know what the love of my life looks like.
我认为我知道我生命中的爱人长怎样。
Even your dog knows it's me.
连你的狗都知道是我啊。
Let me get my dog back. Reina, where'd you go?
让我把我的狗抱回来。Reina，你要去哪里？
Don't know how you do the voodo that you do. So well, it's a spell, hell, makes me wanna HOP, HOP, HOP.
不知道你怎么做到你下的那巫毒？好吧，这是个咒语，见鬼了，让我想要跳、跳、跳。
Sorry, babe. Do you think you can spot me?
抱歉，宝贝。你觉得你可以借我些钱吗？
Again?
又来？
My parents just cut me off.
我父母刚和我一刀两断。
No, you need to get a job.
不，你必须找个工作。
Ha, ha, ha...I got a job. My music.
哈、哈、哈...我有工作啊。我的音乐。
You woke up like that. You woke up like that. Flawless.
你就像那样醒来。你就像那样醒来。完美无瑕。
Okay. You know what? Have fun making love to your mini guitar.
好了。你知道吗？好好享受对你的迷你吉他示爱的乐趣吧。
It's a Ukelele. And can I at least borrow your car and get home?
这是一把乌克丽丽。那我至少可以借你的车回家吧？
Take the bus!
搭公车!
You're so fancy. You already know.
你如此美好。你早就知道。
Trust me, I can show you the world...if you give me a magic carpet ride.
相信我，我可以给你看这世界...只要你给我一趟魔毯之旅。
Wait. Your name is not Ali?
等等。你的名字不是阿里？
Prince Ali. No. Aladdin. Yeah, that's me, a compulsive liar, someone who plunders.
阿里王子。不是。阿拉丁。没错，那是我，一个习惯性骗子、一个偷窃的人。
Why are you singing?
你为什么在唱歌？
I told you what you wanted to hear to get inside your cave of wonders.
我对你说你想听的，好进到你那充满惊奇的洞穴里。
My cave of what now?
我的什么洞穴？
The mansion we slept in was one that I crept in. The way I get laid is through deceit.
我们睡的豪宅是我闯空门的那栋。我找人上床的方法就是用诈骗的。
Who are you people?
你们这些人是谁？
The car that we rode in was one that I stolen, but who needs a ride when you live on the street?
我们开的车是我偷的那辆，但当你住在街上谁还需要一台车啊？
You're homeless?
你无家可归？
That monkey you swear follows us everywhere is my one and only friend.
那只你发誓到处跟着我们的猴子是我唯一的朋友。
You don't meet a guy like me every dynasty.
你可不是每个朝代都能遇到像我这样的男人。
So yeah, I've had the absolute worst luck with dating lately. What about you?
所以啦，我最近在约会方面有最倒霉的运气。那你呢？
This is a little awkward. I kind of thought you were a dude.
这真是有些尴尬。我原本还以为你是个男的。
Excuse me?
你说什么？
Yeah, it's just from certain angles. And I mean, your hair's pulled back in these photos.
嗯，就只是从某些角度啦。而且我是说，在这些相片里你的头发是往后梳的。
I have boobs.
我有胸部耶。
Sorry. I guess I made a man out of you.
抱歉。我想我把你看成一个男人了。
I have been looking everywhere for you.
我到处在找你。
You know what? I'm done with Disney princess. Being single never bothered me anyway.
你知道吗？我受够迪士尼公主了。反正单身从没困扰过我。
And she lived happily ever after.
而她从此过着幸福快乐的日子。
Why does this always keep happening to me?
为什么这总是不断发生在我身上？
Hey! How're you doing?
嘿!你好吗？
Ladies love it when you kidnap their fathers. I'm gonna build her a library, if you know what I mean. And by that, I mean I'm going to actually build a library.
当你绑架她们的爸爸时，小姐们就爱这套。我要为她建一座图书馆，如果你知道我的意思的话。而那样说，我的意思是我会真的建一座图书馆。
Seriously, who are you talking to?
认真地，你在跟谁说话啊？
I'm talking to Lumiere.
我在跟 Lumiere 说话(注二)。
注一：在迪士尼《小美人鱼》的剧情中，王子为了拯救小美人鱼，用船桅刺死了女巫乌苏拉。注二：Lumiere 是迪士尼《美女与野兽》中的角色，变回人形前是一个蜡烛。
