The process of dying imbues fewer and fewer choices available to us. Even in dying, however, we still have choices concerning how we handle what is happening to us. The following account deals with the dying of Jim Molock, a student and close friend of mine.
Jim is 25 years old. He is full of life, witty, bright, honest, and actively questioning. He had just graduated from college as a human service major, and seemed to have a bright future when his illness was discovered. About a year and a half and ago, Jim developed a lump on his forehead and underwent surgery to have it removed. At that time, his doctors believed that it was not a cancer .later, more tumors appeared and more surgery followed. Several months ago, Jim found out that the tumors had spread throughout his body and that even with treatment, he would have a short life. Since that time he has steadily grown weaker, and has been able to do less and less, yet he has shown remarkable courage in the way he has faced this loss and his dying. Some time ago, Jim came to California, and took part in a weekend seminar that I had with a review of this book. On this chapter, he commented that, “although we may not have choices concerning the losses we suffer in dying, we do retain the ability to choose our attitude toward our death. Jim has taught me a lot during these past few months, about this enduring capacity for choice. Even in extreme circumstances. Jim has made many critical choices since being told of his illness. He chose to continue taking a course of the university because he liked the contact with the people there. He worked hard as a but dog to support himself. He decided to undergo treatment even though he knew that it most likely would not result in his cure because he heard that it would reduce his pain. It did not. And Jim has suffered much agony during the past few months. He decided not to undergo chemical treatment, because he didn’t want to prolong his life if he couldn’t really live fully. He made a choice to accept god and his life, which gave him a full sense of peace. Before he became bedridden, he decided to go to Hawaii, and enjoy his time in luxury. Jim has always disliked hospitals, so he chose to remain at home in more personal surroundings, as long as he was able, he read widely, and continued to write in his diary about his thoughts and feelings on living and dying.
With his friends, he played his guitar, and sang songs that he had written. He maintained an active interest in life and in the things around him without denying the fact that he was dying. More than anyone I have known or heard about, Jim has taken care of unfinished business, he made it a point to gather his family and tell them his wishes. He made contact with all his friends and said everything he wanted to say to them, he clearly stated his desire for cremation, he wants to burn those shamans, and then have his ashes scattered over the sea, a wish that reflects his love of freedom and movement. Jim has very little freedom and movement now, for he can do little but lie in his bed wait for his death to come.
To this day, he has chosen to die with dignity, and although his body is getting weaker and weaker, his spirit is still very much alive. He retains his mental sharpness, his ability to say a lot in very few words and his sense of humor. He has allowed himself to grief over his losses, as he puts it, “I sure like to hang around to enjoy all those people that love me.” Realizing that this is impossible, Jim is saying goodbye to all those who are close to him. Throughout his suffering, Jim’s mother has been truly great. When she told me how remarkle Jim has been in complaining so rarely despite his constant pain. I reminded her that I never heard her complain during her month of caring for him. I have been continually amazed by her strength and courage. And I have admired her willingness to honor Jim’s wishes and accept his beliefs, even though at times, they have differed from her own... Jim has been showing me that his style of dying would be no different from his style of living. By his example and by his words, Jim has taught me how to evaluate my own life.